Monday, March 8, 2010

Playing hard to get

A darling friend of mine gave me a lecture recently, on 'the importance of playing hard to get'. Of how absolutely necessary it was to make a guy work hard for you [not always answering his calls or making sure the ratio is 10:1, not seeing him as regularly as would have been expected of a besotted gal]. How it makes him miss you more, not take you for granted and gets him to lay his long term plans on the line faster as he realizes he can’t do without you.
This was then underscored with the phrase ‘why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free’.

huh huh, here are tips gleaned off sites like this and this:
1Make sure the person you are about to flirt with is a potential mate and worth your time. The object is to get involved with the person, not make them think you are interested and then ditch them.

2Give out your phone number, but only after being asked two or three times. Reply with an "I don't know" or "How do I know you'll even call?" When the person calls, decide when you want to answer and when you want to return their call.

3Act disinterested, even if you are writhing with anticipation on the inside. You want to come off as a challenge, not an easy target.

4Leave a little bit of time between conversations or meetings.

5Call them when you know they won't be at home. Leave a message stating that you are disappointed you missed them. This will show you are interested, but still make them long to speak with you.

6Deliberately hold the person at bay. Do not come off as too willing or too needy, this will completely shatter your image of trying to be more alluring.

7Keep a little window of hope for the person you are trying to play hard to get with. Do not take this game too far. You need to remember to keep the perfect balance of hot and cold. Otherwise, your target may consider you impossible and give up.

Uhmm, I'm not buying into that. Period. I think this works at different levels for people. Some gals and guys go into a relationship with a desperateness which turns them needy or clingy. Some are yet to discover themselves and thus use relationships as a crutch whatever [Psychology 101].
For me, my groundrules in relationships are:

That we are in this on equal terms. be you richer, poorer or whatever. each is bringing some unique ingredient to the broth.
That I will give as good as I get, vice versa
That we should respect each other's space
That I am with you cause ‘I choose to be’
That I am not with you or being nice because I am desperately trying to make you like/love/want me.
That I am not shy to speak up or speak out
That if you take me or my presence for granted, I will exit[vice versa]
That even though you rock my world and add more spice to the ordinariness of being that I love my own company too and don’t need you to be amused.
That I believe 1 and 1 should make 3. Not 2.  Never 1. [So in plain oyibo, if you want to spend everyday with me, and it is mutually entertaining and satisfactory for us, why not?] But if we don’t add up to more, can’t be wasting my time!!

Hence the principle of actually playing hard to get sounds too contrived for least the way society sees it and these writers agree with me. check here and here.
To me the true secret of ‘playing hard to get’ is being independent financially, socially, emotionally. It is loving yourself. It is confidence in who you are. It is knowing that you don’t need a man/woman to be whole. It is having a great network of other friends. It is loving without looking back. It is the crazy mathematics of wanting 1 and 1 to make 3.

If you live these rightly, then you are going to be one ‘hard to get but damn she was worth the effort and I want her to be mine’ kinda gal. ask any guy who knows. Am I right or what do you think?


  1. Hmmn... I think wisdom should be applied to the playing "hard to get" thing.... what if you play hard to get and drive a potential mate away...what happens then?

  2. Its not always good to play ''hard to get'' i did it some time ago and the guy totally fashied me, and i really liked him.



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