Sunday, August 29, 2010

My bff broke my heart

I want to write about my bff. A sweet, beautiful chica I've known for all of 20 yrs: from those first days as a home longing boarder at Junior high school in 1990. We went through all the usual rites of passage- bras, first boyfriends (gf gave me a run for my money with the bf in this post), siblings who we thought stifled us, university, more boyfriends - the great ones, the bad ones, the forgettable ones, bad choices, heart breaks, first rose bouquets, Valentine days, GPAs, NYSC, first jobs, marriage. And we survived it all. Babies should have been next.

I just found out through the grapevine that She had a baby.
I'm so happy ecstatic to hear her good news.

But I won’t deny that I feel hurt. Hurt that through 9months of pregnancy, it never occurred to her to drop a text, email, to say ‘Hey Ginger, I'm pregs’.
I feel cheated that I never got to see her pregnant, hear her moan over losing her shape, dwaddling gait, about her midnight cravings and near piss in the pant misses.
Initially post marriage 3 yrs ago, I used to tease her so about ‘having a bun in the oven’. Then I stopped cause I didn’t want to seem insensitive in case they were having problems. But the calls/communication kept coming irregularly regular. She pestering me about the latest man in my life; me updating her about my single gal escapades; She telling me about adjusting to being a wife and living in the States; mutual family health progress.
Come to think of it, she never said much despite my probes about her personal life and I didn’t push cos I felt she needed that early marriage privacy; this wasn’t dating days when you give a blow by blow account of how badily the new boyfriend kisses etc etc.

It’s not easy maintaining long distance relationships especially when you're continents and cultures apart but I thought those were minor hindrances. We had the sisterhood bond afterall. I’ve sent her 2 long chatty mails in the past 2 months which were not answered. I assumed she was busy. The poor communication should have given me an inkling that things aren't the same. Maybe.
This post does sound final. Like the friendship is over. maybe. maybe not. I am yet to send her a congratulatory message or call. None of our mutual friends has anyway. Not on Facebook (usual culprit).
Deep down I feel like the friend who was not invited to the party. So yes maybe I’m sulking in the side lines. But it's just that I love my bff and our relationship was one of those things you just take for granted will remain the same forever and ever.
Am I being selfish?


  1. No, Honey, you aren't being selfish. But keep in mind, having a new baby takes ALL of your time for a while. So while I know you feel slighted, your friend may have had a difficult pregnancy and just not felt like talking for a while. (Yes, it is a joyous time, but you can be pretty damn sick at the same time.) Do send her a note saying "welcome" to her little one. She will be back when things calm down. Where is she in the States?

  2. Thanks Mommy dearest. I will take your advice and send the note(that's what my silly heart really wants to do. Just evil pride stopping me). She's in New Jersey. Not near you. I would have asked you to kidnap the baby....then the ransom will be writing 1000 lines of 'I will never break my bff's heart again'.
    lol. I watch too many movies....

  3. LOL! I think she's being kind of a butt; however, I do know the baby thing is pretty overwhelming the first time. When you go see her in NJ, you'll have to come to SF. It's only 5 hours away.

  4. Hi Ginger,

    Your blog is soooo refreshing!! Ginger, friendship is in the heart. Our focus and interests change as we grow older and distance is often a foe. Just sulk and get over it. You ll be just fine. X

  5. Thanks Anonymous! I am fine now - after the sulking :).

  6. Are you being selfish? Nope. It is natural to feel this way. Did you try reaching out to her with a congrats?

  7. Friendships could be difficult at times. However, if we choose to make the friendship timeless, we need not to rationalise every event that happens.



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