I want to write about my bff. A sweet, beautiful chica I've known for all of 20 yrs: from those first days as a home longing boarder at Junior high school in 1990. We went through all the usual rites of passage- bras, first boyfriends (gf gave me a run for my money with the bf in this post), siblings who we thought stifled us, university, more boyfriends - the great ones, the bad ones, the forgettable ones, bad choices, heart breaks, first rose bouquets, Valentine days, GPAs, NYSC, first jobs, marriage. And we survived it all. Babies should have been next.
I just found out through the grapevine that She had a baby.
happy ecstatic to hear her good news.
But I won’t deny that I feel hurt. Hurt that through 9months of pregnancy, it never occurred to her to drop a text, email, to say ‘Hey Ginger, I'm pregs’.
I feel cheated that I never got to see her pregnant, hear her moan over losing her shape, dwaddling gait, about her midnight cravings and near piss in the pant misses.
Initially post marriage 3 yrs ago, I used to tease her so about ‘having a bun in the oven’. Then I stopped cause I didn’t want to seem insensitive in case they were having problems. But the calls/communication kept coming irregularly regular. She pestering me about the latest man in my life; me updating her about my single gal escapades; She telling me about adjusting to being a wife and living in the States; mutual family health progress.
Come to think of it, she never said much despite my probes about her personal life and I didn’t push cos I felt she needed that early marriage privacy; this wasn’t dating days when you give a blow by blow account of how badily the new boyfriend kisses etc etc.
It’s not easy maintaining long distance relationships especially when you're continents and cultures apart but I thought those were minor hindrances. We had the sisterhood bond afterall. I’ve sent her 2 long chatty mails in the past 2 months which were not answered. I assumed she was busy. The poor communication should have given me an inkling that things aren't the same. Maybe.
This post does sound final. Like the friendship is over. maybe. maybe not. I am yet to send her a congratulatory message or call. None of our mutual friends has anyway. Not on Facebook (usual culprit).
Deep down I feel like the friend who was not invited to the party. So yes maybe I’m sulking in the side lines. But it's just that I love my bff and our relationship was one of those things you just take for granted will remain the same forever and ever.
Am I being selfish?