Sunday, March 28, 2010

Things you get up to on a lazy Saturday

Okay, this is what happens on lazy Saturdays, when you have the whole day to yourself and you spend 40% of it looking in the mirror, catching up on the ravages of the work week: stress, bags under the eyes, lines, zits which cannot hide under the  full glare of the weekend sun as opposed to weekday dawn-light observations.

What’s a girl to do? I was born with a generous dose of melanin…as in black [I need to be smiling to be located in a dark room: mind you, full 32 megawatt smile!]
I digress. My study of said face and skin showed I was looking blacker than usual, a spray of zits on my forehead..urrgh.
JG has this bleaching package meant for men who shave. It is supposed to give instant treatment.
I had been eyeing it for weeks now.

What better time than now?? So I opened the package, mixed powder and activator, and applied paste to face and neck. Instruction said wait for 15 mins. I gave it 20mins [over-compensating for the extra melanin.You understand?!] but with fingers tightly crossed. Hoping I didn’t end up looking like Bianca Onoh.
Washed it off and checked my face again…..everything still looks same. *sigh* Black rules!

But wait a minute….I take the mirror to the kitchen where the sunlight is best and look again. My facial hair usually unnoticed are now obviously discoloured. Talk of blonde sunburns! What’s that?? Where’s my MAC??

Advice: Love the skin you are with. Its all you’ve got!
Question: Ideas on how to care for oily-react-to-every-cream/weather/stress-with-a-breakout type skin?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Jos again...

Violence still rages in dear Jos. Newspapers report that they have caught 164 suspects…way to go! 
I thought hatred was only for the non-Christ loving but I find that it is easy to hate. I have been harbouring murderous thoughts about the Hausa men I see moving around Lagos. How dare they walk around free and making their living stresslessly in southern state like Lagos while non-indigenes in their States sneak around. Forced to dress like them, speak like them, change their religion if possible in other to reap any benefits from their state?
On this site, I read an interview of one Sale Bayeri the secretary of the Sultan's Fulani Farmer/Cattle Rearers Conflict comittee [why do we love committees in this country??], who claims that what happened was Jungle justice.He had no apologies whatsoever but rather felt that Nigerians were biased against the Fulani when it was the Beroms [the ruling class] who were killing more. He asked why the outrage wasnt same in January when the majority of deaths were Fulani herdsmen. 
I dont know what to think anymore. Christian/Moslem conflict? I dont care who is right or wrong. These murders were dastardly cowardly acts and should not be associated with the word justice. Nor Men with Jungle beasts. 
Please just stop. Stop the killing!!
And mewonders what Governor Jang is still doing on that seat. He should have RESIGNED by now. What is his primary concern if not to ensure the life and safety of his citizens? This he has failed thrice. Wtf???
Let us pray that the souls of the faithfully dead rest in peace, Amen.

 In a lighter mood, I had great laughs yesterday over the movie Idiocracy. Its old: 2005 but damn was it so full of over the top foolishness and spoofs that kept me in stitches. The actors deserve an applause for getting off that dumb, brain dead look. 
I was paralysed by it. And it might make you wonder too if this could happen in the next 500yrs. IT LOOKS POSSIBLE I tell you.
I wasn’t alone in my fears. 
See comments:

The movie was so prophetic it made me sad.
We now supposedly have 40 million Americans with the intellect of 4th graders.
Newspapers are going out of business, Book publishing is at an all time low and the news is now like the MTV awards. I found this movie truly frightening.

Either way, I loved this movie, as frightening as it might be...
If you ask me, Idiocracy won't become true in 500 years... that was the big flaw of the movie. It's probably 50 years or less than that. We're already at the first few stages.

Hector Munoz: 
The whole point of the movie is not to prophetize the future, this is about the present, the picture is not lacking coherence: northamericans live surrounded by machines in a society that celebrates dumbness, violence, trashy sex life and lazyness via TV.
My advice to you all? Less TV, Read More.....seriously!

How do you like my Blog now?

Went to town trying a makeover for my blog. And I am so happy with the result.
Big thanks to Kevin and Amanda and Fontburners for my goodies!!

Maybe it would make me blog more often. That’s wrong. I do blog. I’m constantly blogging in my head. And on paper.
I have a journal full of posts half written, some completed but out of sync with time. Alas what I lack is the dedication needed to make the transfer from paper to Blogger.
*sigh* There must be a better way/easier way.
Still exploring the mobile to blogger option. I have this 2 hr commute to work that I could put to better use.




Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Is debt a deal breaker?

I was reading some article by the Non-conformist rambler about things he would like to know before he says I do. #4 was the significant other’s credit history. Amen somebody!

I know here in Nigeria, credit checks are not exactly the norm afterall borrowing isn’t in our culture, mortgage repayments are way too high for the middle man, and credit cards are luxuries bigz boyz and galz flash around not a necessity. Do banks still give credit card? I know Ecobank was totally stung by their credit card product which hit the market 3 yrs ago with hoards of untraceable people nowing them oodles of money. Other banks learnt from their mistakes.

Well, I will have you know that it should be a big deal to you. Especially the ladies! I remember an ex- colleague of mine in the bank who was booked solid with loans. Cause he was a staff he had easy access to loans but he had cunningly organised them and now had repayments which required more than the maximum allowed [40% of his monthly income]. Was it to his advantage? No. cause on the 25th when salaries were paid, all his repayments swing in automatically and he is left with barely 10k to his name for the next 30days. By next week, he is borrowing money from the rest of the team..me included. I told him jokingly but seriously that he was a liability/risk to any woman that agreed to marry him at this point. He didn’t talk to me for a while. Well....was just saying it as it is.
I hear so many stories of gals who married some top grade banker who drives some flashy car around, holidays at the Bahamas but is always cash strapped.. and I think of my colleague in the bank and I shake my head. ‘all that glitters isn’t gold baby’

But really, Gals, is it that hard? Why don’t we check our guys credit history? Some of us don’t even bother asking ‘Can we really afford all this?’, do you have a loan?, what is your income? Dependants? We act like its taboo and encourage the guys to treat it like some taboo topic too.
I’m too cautious with finances to allow myself get hitched with a spendthrift, or someone who lives above his means; I tell you that marriage is headed for the rocks. I have savings put away with my plans for it written in flaming red. Whenever I get so low that I am contemplating touching it, I don’t sleep well at night. I have to evaluate and re-evaluate on whether that expenditure is urgent, can be put on the pending list and even if I make a withdrawal, I am making a promise to my myself and bank account to pay it back@ so so time and in so so way.

I know I am sounding like some fudgy dodgy Silas Manner but it isn’t really that bad. I do know how and when to splurge on myself. Infact I can be spontaneous about it too BUT the key is to always pay it back and for me that’s what makes the difference between being a foolish constantly broke ass and maturity. It’s not pride, but I find borrowing money irksome if not immature.
I can do the shoes, purse, books, jewelry but draw the line at money. Don’t know why. It just is. Maybe cause I know with physical articles, they stare me there in the face reminding me of their owners and reminding me to return it, but money like spirit[sic]gets spent and you forget from whence it came.
I once borrowed N2k from my roommate in the University and totally forgot to pay her back. She was a shy quiet one who just refused to ask me meanwhile I knew she was sorta broke and generously shared my provisions and cooks while I generously forgot I was the cause of her poverty. I did finally pay back[cant recall what made me remember] but felt such remorse. Since then if I ever have to borrow money I only ask my more noisy friends. The ones who don’t mind waking you up in the middle of the night to ask for their money back. Of course the thot of such haranguing makes me pay back asap.

I digress, but the main theme is keeping our finances black and making sure our significant has good money habits.
p.s.  I read ‘Confessions of a shopaholic’ and I broke out in hives at her antics. Can I be friends with someone like her? Yeah. But she’d probably hate my smug self.
What do you think? Do you have good money habits? Is bad money habits a deal breaker for you?
p.s.s. I think I can even stand infidelity compared to a husband who is irresponsible with money....ok. I dont want any abeg oo.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Playing hard to get

A darling friend of mine gave me a lecture recently, on 'the importance of playing hard to get'. Of how absolutely necessary it was to make a guy work hard for you [not always answering his calls or making sure the ratio is 10:1, not seeing him as regularly as would have been expected of a besotted gal]. How it makes him miss you more, not take you for granted and gets him to lay his long term plans on the line faster as he realizes he can’t do without you.
This was then underscored with the phrase ‘why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free’.

huh huh, here are tips gleaned off sites like this and this:
1Make sure the person you are about to flirt with is a potential mate and worth your time. The object is to get involved with the person, not make them think you are interested and then ditch them.

2Give out your phone number, but only after being asked two or three times. Reply with an "I don't know" or "How do I know you'll even call?" When the person calls, decide when you want to answer and when you want to return their call.

3Act disinterested, even if you are writhing with anticipation on the inside. You want to come off as a challenge, not an easy target.

4Leave a little bit of time between conversations or meetings.

5Call them when you know they won't be at home. Leave a message stating that you are disappointed you missed them. This will show you are interested, but still make them long to speak with you.

6Deliberately hold the person at bay. Do not come off as too willing or too needy, this will completely shatter your image of trying to be more alluring.

7Keep a little window of hope for the person you are trying to play hard to get with. Do not take this game too far. You need to remember to keep the perfect balance of hot and cold. Otherwise, your target may consider you impossible and give up.

Uhmm, I'm not buying into that. Period. I think this works at different levels for people. Some gals and guys go into a relationship with a desperateness which turns them needy or clingy. Some are yet to discover themselves and thus use relationships as a crutch whatever [Psychology 101].
For me, my groundrules in relationships are:

That we are in this on equal terms. be you richer, poorer or whatever. each is bringing some unique ingredient to the broth.
That I will give as good as I get, vice versa
That we should respect each other's space
That I am with you cause ‘I choose to be’
That I am not with you or being nice because I am desperately trying to make you like/love/want me.
That I am not shy to speak up or speak out
That if you take me or my presence for granted, I will exit[vice versa]
That even though you rock my world and add more spice to the ordinariness of being that I love my own company too and don’t need you to be amused.
That I believe 1 and 1 should make 3. Not 2.  Never 1. [So in plain oyibo, if you want to spend everyday with me, and it is mutually entertaining and satisfactory for us, why not?] But if we don’t add up to more, can’t be wasting my time!!

Hence the principle of actually playing hard to get sounds too contrived for me...at least the way society sees it and these writers agree with me. check here and here.
To me the true secret of ‘playing hard to get’ is being independent financially, socially, emotionally. It is loving yourself. It is confidence in who you are. It is knowing that you don’t need a man/woman to be whole. It is having a great network of other friends. It is loving without looking back. It is the crazy mathematics of wanting 1 and 1 to make 3.

If you live these rightly, then you are going to be one ‘hard to get but damn she was worth the effort and I want her to be mine’ kinda gal. ask any guy who knows. Am I right or what do you think?

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