Wednesday, June 30, 2010

If I were Chris Brown, I would cry me a river too

Read about how dear girlfriend battering Chris Brown got his glands over-secreting tears + gastric juice (he was doubled up in pain from an ulcer attack right??) while performing a tribute to MJ at the BET awards.
Emotional tribute my foot! Trying to get some MJ love directed to himself huh...guy must be getting really desperate. I heard his records aren’t selling nor getting enough airtime.
I don’t hate the guy. I don’t love him either. He did wrong. He apologized even if not exactly contritely and the feminists and fanbase have voted with their feet and wallet/credit cards.
He needs to lie low for a little longer. Do some more community service, get a GED then come back.
Golly, I really miss Michael Jackson.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

FIDO

I’m watching FIDO and finding it absolutely hilarious!
Plot: Set in the 1950’s, in other to keep up with the Jones, a family takes in a zombie as a help/child minder/gardener.
Son and Mother get too friendly with the zombie fondly called Fido leading to all sorts of zombie-nastic complications.
WoW: If ever there was a family themed zombie movie with zombies who are actually ..likable this is it.
Urgh: The scene where the little boy whacked zombied Mrs Henderson to death with a shovel. (They even showed the decapitated head!) Wasn’t that a violent act for a little boy? And they are giving such horrible reviews about darling Hit girl in Kick ass. Player haters!
If you can abide a little gore and lots of humor go watch. It’s a treat….
Preliminary scores: 7/10

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Bottoms up, Thumbs down

Went movie slumming last night. I watched a movie which I knew bombed and which dear girlfriend Angie had begged me not to waste precious 90mins of my life on- “Bottoms up”.
Story: A Minnesota bartender travels to Los Angeles with his gay uncle to fulfill a promise and in the process meets and falls for a spoilt heiress.

I have never had the displeasure of watching Paris Hilton act except for a few minutes of her and Ray J (ewwww). Hence I was looking for a reason to redeem my image of her as a blonde 'thinbo'.
Well, Bottoms up wasn’t as bad as they said. The plot was run of the mill, but I have seen worse. Uncle Earl though he grated on my nerves at the beginning with his-too obvious made to laugh lines saved this movie from oblivion. The male lead, Jason Jewes was uninspiring, wooden and not exactly crush worthy. (American Samurai?? Bad cop??)
Paris Hilton starred as Lisa Mancini, Jason's love interest- the spoilt heiress with a controlling father who moves under a cloud of gossip/rumors (about her relationships, body size)spread by magazines, friends and haters.…does this remind you of someone we know?

Hilton’s acting skills? Errrr, I liked her brunette.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Anaconda Tales

I can’t remember much of the details about the first Anaconda movie [released in 1997. I do remember I was in high school, Jennifer Lopez was the “hot girl on the block” and most of us in school had this morbid fascination for animals, snakes and such.[after boys and pimples…teenagers]

I had the misfortune of watching Anaconda III on cable 2 nights ago. Nothing beats being mad[ Nigeria has been kicked outta the World Cup!] and watching a stupid movie. It’s like rubbing salt into a wound.
By the time I stared into the yellowish orbs of that black, iridescent, 100ft snake with rows of razor sharp teeth [which any shark would kill for]; I had to research anacondas. See what I came up with -

Anacondas are large, non-venomous boas of the genus Eunectes.
Anacondas live in swamps, marshes, and slow-moving streams, mainly in the tropical rain forests of the Amazon and Orinoco basins. They are cumbersome on land, but stealthy and sleek in the water.
 Green anacondas on average are about 17ft long, but can grow to more than 29 feet (if you re 6 ft tall, 5 times that/8.8 meters), weigh more than 550 pounds (227 kilograms), and measure more than 12 inches (30 centimeters) in diameter. Females are significantly larger than males. 
Other anaconda species, all from South America and all smaller than the green anaconda, are the yellow, dark-spotted, and Bolivian varieties.
All three species are aquatic snakes that prey on other aquatic animals, including fish, river fowl, caiman and capybaras. Some accounts exist of anacondas preying on domestic animals such as goats and ponies that venture too close to the water.
 Prey is killed by a process known as constriction; after an animal has been grasped to restrain it, a number of coils are hastily wrapped around it. Then, by applying and maintaining sufficient pressure to prevent it from inhaling, the prey eventually succumbs due to asphyxiation
While encounters between people and anacondas may be dangerous, they do not regularly hunt humans and are in fact known to be shy. Nevertheless, threat from anacondas is a familiar trope in comics, movies and adventure stories set in the Amazon jungle. [You can say that again!]
 In conclusion methinks the Anaconda movie writers: Hans Bauer Jim Cash Jack Epps Jnr. must have flunked Biology in school. Next!


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

No Ovation for Dele Momodu

Chief Dele Momodu is the publisher and brain behind Ovation Magazine a glossy whose main focus is the celebration of Africa. Bob Dee as he’s called by friends, claims his desire was to publish an African magazine for Africans and create a forum where the real picture of Africa would be presented to the world.
The glossy magazine shows with crisp, clear pictures that Africa was not all about war and disease. That we had brilliant minds, creative businessmen and millions of people who through sound education and hardwork live well and celebrate life.[Yes o!]
Its been 14 years since the first publication and Ovation still waxes strong. It now has offices in 10 countries in Africa, and has covered events in over 56 countries globally.
I have no issues with Ovation. I think its one of the top 5 Nigerian Glossies. I can’t remember when I last bought one though. Cos…. I got tired of seeing offsprings of the men and women who are raping and battering Nigeria draped in diamond and gold bought off the suffering of the masses being celebrated in its pages. The most celebrated weddings in Ovation have been of Abacha/Babangida/Ibori/Igbenedion’s children. I used to be awed. But now I curse.

Why this post? At the Hair Saloon on Sunday, for want of reading material to keep me busy while I waited for a free stylist, I picked up the recent issue of City People.
Chief Momodu granted an interview recently to City People[another Nigerian mag] it seems in commemoration of his 50th birthday. That he should choose City people as a medium to announce his presidential ambition was interesting. Maybe cos he knows that City People has a wider reach than Ovation. That if he had announced his ambition on Ovation, 149m Nigerians may never see it; after all, how many can afford his N2000 apiece Magazine?

I digress. Highlights of the Interview with Bobdee's responses highlighted.

My prayer for those who hate Ovation Magazine and don’t like it is, God will never give them Ovation. It is a prayer. It is as simple as that. If you don’t like something then u don’t deserve it. (haba, a curse?)

How do you plan to celebrate your birthday? “It is going to be more of my friends celebrating me”, he said.
They are planning a day of tribute. Those who feel I've touched them will come and talk. Dbanj, TeeA, Ayo Animashaun, Charly boy, Kunle Bakare, Seye Kehinde; I have a lot of friends and disciples”, he continued. (A touch patronizing…disciples?? Really?).

How do you take criticisms that come your way by virtue of what you do?. 'I ignore, he answers. “Even Jesus Christ who died 2000 yrs ago still has people criticising him. If you are irrelevant nobody will talk about u.(Bobdee: Jesus?, why didn’t he try that with Mohammed) 

His future plans? Senator? “No way. I feel insulted whenever I hear that. Senator at 50? never! If I wanted to be Senator I’d have done it 20yrs ago”.
Gubernatorial? “No. The level of exposure I have, the interaction, the ability to run international businesses are unparalleled. Moreover a senator has only one vote and zero executive powers. That one vote is so inconsequential in Nigeria”. (So Clinton, The Bushes, Gore, Obama and other world leaders who rose through the ranks were stupid ehh?) Is this guy cuckoo? He has just shown he understands shit about politics).

“If ever I go into politics it has to be in an executive power because at 50 I have rededicated my life to the task of making Nigeria a better place. (yes Bobdee. Come and save us).
His qualifications to serve save Nigeria:
*At 23 he was private sec to ex deputy governor of Ondo state, Chief Akin Omoboriowo..
*He has met Jacob Zuma. According to him “Most countries that I go if I want to see the Prez I do”. (Yes, I believe you. Certainly in Benin, Ghana, Sierra Leone and Gambia-where Ovation has offices).
 *He also happily boasts about making Asoebi, Event planning, Event decorating enteprises popular. (Yes and thus bankrupting newly weds who aspire to be seen in Ovation).

News summary: I fervently hope he runs for the Presidency. His campaign would mean some infusion of money into the economy which is always welcome. Hopefully that will filter down to the masses.
And we shall partake of it.

And then totally ignore him.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Movie weekend: The best of the rest

WoW: The premise of the plot: The importance of preserving the Holy Book was a beautiful one [yea I am biased]. Denzel’s performance as the lone man who seeks to protect this last copy of man’s guide to wisdom and law was excellent. So too Mila Kunis and Jennifer Beals. And for a plot that was about the Holy Book it was great that there was no religious posturing which would have detracted from the movie. BUT.. this movie sure requires the “suspense of disbelief” and logic for any viewer to enjoy it. I lacked that!
  Eli was blind. Or virtually impaired yet was accurately killing enemies left right and c enter[check out that scene where he nailed the guys trying to rape Solara. Right in the center of their necks ..with an arrow??]
  The truck Eli and Solara drove didn’t run outta fuel, but Carnegie’s did?
  Solara was holding an ipod at the end of the movie.Ipod? Ipod? Remember George and Martha cranking out music from the juke box? Remember the ancient printing press being used at the . so where did the ipod a modern day machine come from??
  Eli had been on the road for 30 years. Come on people. Didn’t someone edit that script. 30 years is a lifetime!
Urgh: Yeah I know it was post apocalypse..but that sepia toned world was quite depressing. Okay, enough.
Ginger scores it: 6.3/10
 A convict, one of the survivors of a biological apocalypse on earth is sent to the past to find out the origin of the virus so they can formulate a cure from it’s pure specimen.
Even if you don’t totally understand it initially [like me] , you interest is held captive. By the last 20 mins I was 25cm away from the TV screen.
WoW factor: This was one of my more understandable time travel movie. [preferred it to Time Traveler’s wife [loved it but it did get confusing] and The lake House]. I liked how the plot wraps up together in the end quite quite perfectly. Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, Madeleine Stowe were the life blood of this movie. Bruce the left aorta, Brad the pulmonary vein and Madeleine the carotid artery.
Urgh: That wig and moustache on dear Bruce
Why did they have to put that ugly hair and moustache on Bruce?
Trivia: Bruce forget he was in the past on a fact finding mission not prevention or corrective. I think that was what led to the sad passé. And I think that’s what explained the airport dreams he was having. It was a premonition. What do you think? 
Ginger scores it 8.5/10
 A masked man revisits and re-enacts Guy Fawkes day in UK focusing on eliminating a breed of corrupt leaders ranging from the politics, TV to religion who had shaped his future by their Totalitarian rule.
WoW factor: I remember when this movie previews were being shown back in 2005. I was intrigued by the sweeping red and black colors. didn’t know it will take me 5 yrs to get round to watching it.
Excellently plotted. I fell in love with the masked man V his ideals, his vendetta. And you know what else, I respected the mystery of the face behind the mask.  I didn’t want to have to feel for him. Did Natalie Portman really cut her hair? For that alone I give her a glorious A++ and her acting 105%. Norseman and Screed were eminently hateable.
The sword play was excellent. The killings were gorifyingly satisfying :-d
But more than all this, V spoke to me. His broadcast speech can be replayed in 150 countries round the world right now and it will still be meaningful. I wanted to be a part of that masked revolution on Nov.4th! that was how I was moved.
Urgh: I never saw it nor did i want to see it, but I kept imagining how gruesome the face under tht mask would have been. Talk about fixation. Why didn’t V think of plastic surgery??
Trivia: Hugo Weaving "V" was Aberline in Wolfman. Grr love to hate. And has done a number of voice overs[Megatron in Transformers: revenge of the fallen, Elrond in Lord of the rings. Happy feet. He’s quite good. Why aren’t they using him more?
Ginger scores it 9.5/10

Movie Weekend

Ta tan ra ra ra Tan ta taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, movie weekend comes again. Some good, some just okay....
Plot: It’s a full moon and a werewolf is out. From whence did he come? Who can stop him?
WoW factor: The wolfman had several terrific moments amidst the prolonged and dreary drama/romance. The movie wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be, but it made up for this with horrific violence…talk about torn limbs and gut & livers being ripped out. It was gory enough to keep you riveted. Benecio del Toro as the curse-afflicted noble was suitably handsome and brooding so we could empathize with him…… to some extent.
Urgh factor: The plot was good but the pacing wasn’t. Gwen, the love interest of the wolfman was a beautiful maiden who thankfully was not a screamer [as the love interests are wont to be] but alas there was nil chemistry between the two. Both acted so woodenly. The muscular spasms that preceded the Werewolf transformation reminded me of someone with strychnine poisoning/tetanus..lol
Why did they have to include that court scene? It was so stupid. Over 200 men watching Lawrence change and they did not try to run/leave. It was soo dumb. 
Will Aberline be our lead for Wolfman 2? Oh misery!
Ginger scores it 5.7/10
 Mel Gibson is back!! as a homicide detective Thomas Craven investigating the death of his activist daughter. He uncovers not only her secret life, but a corporate cover-up and government collusion that attracts an agent tasked with cleaning up the evidence.
WoW factor: Mel Gibson is always good. He is aging though [doesn’t that happen to the best of men?]. From the opening scene to the end, Edge of Darkness was fast paced.  An easy enough plot to follow with enough action to remind you that Mel has still got his groove on. Ray Winstone as Jedburgh plays an intriguing role as a devil’s advocate for the protagonist and antagonist sides at various points. His lines are very sarcastic.
Urgh: Yes Daddy, we know you love your daughter…as a child. You didn’t have to keep reminding us
Why did they have to……..nothing Ginger! Its Mel. He can’t go wrong!
Ginger scores it: 6.4/10

A man becomes increasingly paranoid and excruciatingly thin after 365 days of sleeplessness.
Wow factor: Heard Christian Bale dropped to 54 kg to convincingly act this movie. He was nightmarishly thin. I am fat compared to him!! I think his skeletal look gave the movie the thriller dimension. It kept you guessing at the twist – maybe he is gonna become some evil guy, vampire, closet serial killer or just a skinny man who was having trouble.
Paranoia? This guy had it in spades. The simple twist in the tale will come as a surprise to you. But it makes it all so understandable. I could relate.
Urgh: it did drag on in parts. And the grainy picture quality though used in effect to clinch the mystery sequence it just reminded me of a telesynced movie file. Watching Christian Bale was painful to say the least.
Ginger scores it 6.8/10 I totally appreciate movies depicting mental illness.
Plot: and they talk of fraudsters from Nigeria like we invented the game. This movie is about scammers and super scammers and the ultimate scam – trust and the victim…the heart
Wow factor: Nicolas Cage was memorable in this movie with his portfolio of mental disorders: agoraphobia, obsessive neatness, mysophobia and tics. His efforts to accommodate his hitherto unknown 14 yr old daughter played endearingly by Alison Lohman were heartwarming -  which made the scam all the more painful. I loved how it ended too. Satisfying yet realistic. Go get watch this movie like…now! If you haven’t. One of Cage’s better movies.
Why didn’t: He call his wife when he found out about the daughter?
Ginger scores it: 7.9/10
A Jackie Chan movie. Enough said.
Wow factor: Jackie Chan has a love interest, the delectable Amber Valleta!!!!!! This is the first time he had a serious love interest. In The Tuxedo, he only managed to get a date at the end of the movie. In this movie, they had dates, a heart to heart discussion [you know, normal couple thingy], he even kissed her; it felt like watching the Pope kiss a woman[read about Jackie's kissing aversion here]. He also made allusions to retiring from spy movies. I wonder if that was the real deal?[guess not; Karate kid]
Great movie for the whole family with plenty of laughs and inimitable Jackie Chan moves.
p.s. It seems the kiss even caused some flu furor, read here.
Urgh: Plot line was entirely clichéd. I could tell the story after the first 08 mins.
Ginger scores it: 5.1/10

Good angel tries to stop Bad angel and Co from destroying the world don’t they always??
WoW factor: None really. Plot was as cheap and clichéd as they come. Some cheap thrills especially by cyborg grandma and lil boy[Wasn’t that shocking?]
Urgh: Those angel wings. Wings are the landmark feature of angels. Soft fluffy white wings not black metallic killer blades. Lol
Ginger scores it: 5.2/10
 Watched Gladiator again this weekend. And boy was it still as good as the first time.
My favourite lines which captures the essence of this most powerful and moving movie:
Commodus: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't think there's ever been a gladiator to match you. As for this young man, he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? You do have a name.
Maximus: My name is Gladiator.
[turns away from Commodus]
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me! Slave, you will remove your helmet and tell me your name.
Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. [Me: Yay!!]
You still haven’t seen Gladiators? Just get off this blog…NOW and go borrow/buy/steal/rent the dvd.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Nollywood Madness II

I never did write the second post on Mental illhealth a.k.a. Nollywood madness. Was just reminded of it by a brief viewing of another Nollywood drama featuring Patience Ozokwor et al wherein they committed this young lady to a mental institution in other to  rip her of her inheritance. The same bull I complained about. The young lady’s madness was undefined. All I noticed was that she kept screaming “noooo” Noooo”. Then miraculously she gets to meet Lancelot?? and she calms down and becomes okay. Yeah. Right.
So here’s my second post about the different types of mental illness, helpfully Illustrated by movies:
Anxiety disorders: This is chronic and exaggerated tension and worry about everyday life events when there is no obvious cause.Examples include Panic disorder, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): As good as it gets, Matchstick Men, The Aviator.
Panic disorder and specific phobias like Arachnophobia [fear of spiders], Agoraphobia(anxiety about being in places orsia situations from which escape might be difficult or embarrassing): Nim’s Island, White Oleander.
Mood disorders: These involve persistent feelings of sadness or periods of feeling overly happy, or fluctuations from extreme happiness to extreme sadness. The most common mood disorders are depression, mania, and bipolar disorder: Horse Whisperer, Michael Clayton, Pollock, Sylvia
Psychotic disorders: Psychotic disorders involve distorted awareness and thinking. Two of the most common symptoms of psychotic disorders are hallucinations -- the experience of images or sounds that are not real, such as hearing voices -- and delusions -- false beliefs that the ill person accepts as true, despite evidence to the contrary. Schizophrenia is an example of a psychotic disorder. The Fisher King, Donnie Darko, A Beautiful Mind, Mr. Brooks, The Soloist, Shutter island
Eating disorders: Eating disorders involve extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors involving weight and food. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder are the most common eating disorders. (Celebrities like Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan, Victoria Beckham, Kate Beckinsale, Elton John, Janet Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, Kate Winslet have suffered it).

Impulse control and addiction disorders: People with impulse control disorders are unable to resist urges, or impulses, to perform acts that could be harmful to themselves or others. Pyromania (starting fires), kleptomania (stealing), and compulsive gambling are examples of impulse control disorders. Alcohol and drugs are common objects of addictions and the latest cop out: Sex. Just ask Eric Benet, Tiger Woods, David Duchovny and Jesse James.
Amnesia a condition in which memory is disturbed or lost maybe caused by traumatic events like head injuries, psychological disorders, drug induced, electroconvulsive therapy. A popular type of Amnesia Anterograde amnesia in which the ability to create new memories after an event is lost has been explored in movies like: 50 first dates, Memento, Finding Nemo
Personality disorders: People with personality disorders have extreme and inflexible personality traits that are distressing to the person’s social relationships. The person's patterns of thinking and behavior significantly differ from the expectations of society and are so rigid that they interfere with the person's normal functioning. Examples include
Antisocial personality disorder: American Psycho,
Borderline personality disorder: Girl Interrupted, Play Misty for me .
Adjustment disorder: Adjustment disorder occurs when a person develops emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to a stressful event or situation. Eg. an earthquake or tornado; events or crises, such as a car accident or the diagnosis of a major illness; or interpersonal problems, such as a divorce, getting dumped on the altar, death of a loved one, loss of a job. Adjustment disorder usually begins within three months of the event or situation and ends within six months after the stressor stops or is eliminated. (yep, Me, after I was dumped!).
 Dissociative disorders: Dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder, or "split personality" are examples of dissociative disorders: Fight Club, The 3 faces of Eve, Sybil, Me Myself and Irene, The Hurricane, Sybil, Psycho, The Machinist, Karthik calling Karthik

Other interesting information:
Dr E. Fuller Torrey, a research psychiatrist estimates that four million Americans with the most severe mental illnesses—schizophrenia, bipolar disorder with psychosis, and depression with psychosis—is not an exaggerated figure; the National Institute of Mental Health tots up 8.8 million with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Of Torrey’s four million, some 400,000 are homeless or imprisoned; most of them are unaware they are sick and consequently do not take medication. And then there are those mentally ill with a history of violence—some 40,000. Torrey believes that with medication most of them can live peaceably on the outside.

Errrr, who still wants that American Visa?

This site is a treasure chest of information about mental ill health.
List of films featuring mental illness

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Men You Should Never Marry

I came across a review about a book written by an 81 yr old Priest, Father Pat Whom Not to Marry: Time-Tested Advice From a Higher Authority. He is soo on point on several issues. These are signs that stare women in the office but they just refuse to acknowledge it.

What do celibate Priests know about relationships you'd ask? A lot when you think of a typical priest who has presided over a minimum of 10 parishes in his lifetime, and a minimum of 1000 people per parish who have made him their de facto counselor, confessor, arbitrator and what not.  You would agree that he is an authority. Higher certainly than John Gray of ‘Men are from Mars’ fame.
He answers questions such as: "Is money really important in a marriage?" "Yes. Yes. Yes, to that one," he says. 
[Me too. I believe in the security that money gives. Blame my middle class upbringing so I can be particular about attitudes towards spending money; saving money.].

Top on his list of unmarriageable men is, "A man who cannot hold down a job." [yep. If he can’t commit to the ups and downs of a job how can he commit to marriage?]

"Never marry a man who has no friends." [This does have its negative sides. But I would prefer to substitute it with ‘Never marry a man who has no passion’. Be it photography, Games, Sports, Reading, Movies etc A man with a passion has a life other than you which i think is good in a marriage.
“Don’t marry a man you feel no physical attraction for" [err  this is MAJOR! Money can never buy chemistry. Well maybe initially when the gold is glittering and beckoning].

"Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private. [Now I have to get that book cause I need to understand this. No PDA? I do note that wife beaters are notorious for doing this. All lovey dokey in public then uppercuts in the bedroom].

Never marry a man who notices all of your faults but never any of his own. [One should definitely  run from this nag!]

Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue for child support. [true true but errrr next... I aint taking 2nd dibs yet]

Never marry a man whom your children don't like." [But kids are notorious for NOT wanting to share or replace their absent/divorced/dead parent. Is that fair on the parent affected?]

Take a year between the decision to marry and the wedding. "Use the engagement as a time to ask questions," such as, "What would I be glad to know about him that's impossible to know in the first few months of dating?" [not always. Not when it took him 3yrs to propose. Just drag him off to the wedding registry and get over it already]

"How about my fiance who loves to buy expensive clothes, then go to pricey restaurants to show them off?," a lady asks Father Pat. "I prefer eating at home and wearing my comfortable clothes. How can I change him to like the simpler life?" 
"Change him? Forget it! He's a bad risk for marriage. I'm afraid it's just that simple," Father Pat told her.

But these rules just make me wonder, how did our parents or couples whose marriages were arranged do it?. 
Isn't it just best to leap in and hope for the best? All this book writing, advice columns sef, and yet the divorce rate keeps climbing; What is wrong with our generation?

Monday, June 7, 2010

'Twilight' eclipses MTV Movie Awards


I saw this in my news feed today. "New Moon" sucked up trophies for best movie, kiss, female performance for Kristen Stewart and male performance and global superstar for Robert Pattinson”.

Was so upset I had to write this post.
Are we talking of the same ‘Twilight’? Cause I saw these movies [Twilight and the newest one New Moon) and for all intents and purposes they sucked. I’ve now got the Stephanie Meyer Twilight book series and hope to find redemption in them.
You saw the previews: with the Jake changing into a wolf and fighting another wolf?? That’s was the only serious action in this movie after 65 mins of colorless monologue and brooding faces.  So I ask what’s the hype about this movie?
Bella as the gal who was causing a war between brothers and sisters-the Cullens, werewolf and vampire wasn’t exactly a Helen of troy. I was neither inspired by her conversation nor scintillated by her grunge look. Bella’s only admired attribute was that no one could read her mind. How absolutely fascinating.
Brooding white faced Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are a match in Vampire heaven. I couldn’t be happier.

It just goes to show that the global teen population do have a strong influence on the media.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Movie weekend

What does a girl do when her peeps are unavailable for hanging out on a lovely weekend?? Lie back and watch movies that's what; afterall she has a weekend movie review to write doesn’t she?

Oops.
The movie acronym was YPF. When I googled the initials and found out the full meaning I was a bit taken apart…porn? Then I checked out its genre on IMDB. Was it about ….? Yes! It was about sex and all the hang-ups that could prevent couples from having great sex but presented in funny scenarios. I could actually relate.
There were 5 stories involving:
The best friends [male and female] who wanted to take their friendship in another direction…
The Exes who wanted to give it another chance. Harrumph!
The first date involving two colleagues at work [one a notorious playboy and the new girl at work]
The insecure couple who invite a roommate for a threesome.
The long term couple who decide to try some new tricks in bed.
Wow factor: This movie had me giggling hysterically and some scenes gave me déjà vu lol. Hmmm which couple did I like best? The flatmates/Insecure couple or the long term couple? 
go watch and find out... 
Ginger scores it: 6.8/10.

English aristocrat Lady Sarah Ashley embarks on an African Queen like journey to Farney down, North Australia to bring back her philandering husband only to meet him dead and discover some bad business going on at the farm she has now inherited. The name Australia represents her life changing experience.
WoW factor: Well… the cattle drive to Darwin was a scene stealer. I also enjoyed the lovely landscape scenes from Australia and period costumes.
The story was simple and pleasantly engaging enough but epic it was not.
Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman were great together. Heard Russell Crowe was initially billed to play ‘Drover’. Errr no Thank you and Thank God.
Urgh factor: the movie lasted a good 2.45hrs. why? What were they thinking? Movie should have ended when they returned to the farm after the ball. The last 50 mins was extraneous. By the 1.58hr, Nullah’s precociousness started getting on my nerves.
Why did they have to make: all the nice ugly people die. Overkill. Almost ran like a Danielle steel book. The war sequence did not add value.
Ginger scores it: 5.6/10

The 1.8m Prawn-like Aliens who are State guests in South Africa have overstayed their welcome and are causing annoyances to the citizens. bumbling Wikus Van de Merve’s [MNU field agent in charge of the relocation project] efforts to relocate them to another district comes with disastrous consequences.
Wowfactor: There was use of a documentary style shooting which caught me off guard at the beginning but which I found to be effective. I felt like I was watching a local news footage thus making it much more realistic. The Aliens were unlike any I had ever seen. Ingenious.
Nick was a a Sweetie who deserved better. Loved him! Plot was brilliant. Wahoo South Africa!
Urgh Factor: The slums the aliens lived in.
Why did they have to call them hustlers ‘Nigerians’. Seriously. Should have called them Iboriens [biko nu - pls don’t stone me]. really.  I could see some ‘son of the soil traits’ in the sales MO.
Ginger scores it: 7.5/10

Scott and friends travel cross country style to Germany to meet up with Scott’s German pen girlfriend, Mieke.
WoW factor: Hilarious movie. The comedy wasn’t slapstick like comedy in high school movies are [American pie 1-7 anyone??]. There were actually humorous and almost believable situations. From ‘Scotty doesn’t know’ to the maniac ManU fan club to the gay on the train to seeing the Absynthe fairy to the nude beach to Bratislava, should I go on….I was in stitches throughout. Teen-hormone fuelled stupidity at its best!
Great performances from all the main cast: Predictable Scott, Wiseass Cooper, Uptight Jamie and Tom-budding vixen Jenny.
Urgh factor: All those male danglies at the nude beach
Why did you have to: make Scott travel to Europe to apologise to Mieke when he could have sent her an email from another account duh?!
Ginger Scores it: 6.9/10. I’m easy to please innit!

[A feat, watching it for the 6th time] Tristen crosses the wall to seek a fallen star for his beloved Victoria. He gets to fight witches, meet his mom and uncles, a gay Sea Captain and find his real love!
Wow factor: Fantasy and adventure don’t get any better. Odd character role for Robert de Niro but he does it so well[flamboyant sissy captain]. Michele Pfeiffer hasn’t lost her looks nor her acting skills. Tristan is a cutie and the fallen star was good too. I loved the Royal brothers and their comic ghostly other selves. When you’re not sure who has died, just watch out for the new face in the ghostly company.
Urgh factor: none none none none none none
Why did you have to: no fail scene.
Ginger scores it: 7.4/10

This movie has been mentioned like a thousand times in reviews and posts that I looked forward to seeing something really wunnerful. My first attempt at watching it was on Wednesday. I fell asleep  30mins into it. So I tried it again today.
Plot: Boy meets Girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t. And even though you feel like dying a million times life goes on.
Wow factor: nothing really. The plot is a page/scene/500 days of everybody’s life at some point. Maybe that was the appeal for movie lovers. Duh. Been there. Done that. Get over it.
Urgh factor: The ‘she’s not that into you’ factor was so obvious. That you wondered what was the point of the relationship from the start. I also felt like hitting Guy on the head several times.
Ginger scores it: 5.5/10



Saturday, June 5, 2010

Anti-Muellerian Hormone

Have you heard of this Hormone? This is the new fertility test for females!
It’s a simple test that tells you the state of your ovaries. Whether its sell-by date is due, or you can still afford to be choosy about suitors(like its not bad enough that you want to get married but there are no askers, now your ovaries can help seal your fate!).

I used to be a big proponent of these three: Sperm/HIV/ Test/Blood Genotype Tests before marriage. Well seems the men or their Moms and Sisters can pull that on we girls now. They might just insist that you get checked before you marry to be assured that you shall be fruitful. ‘Err sorry but your AMH level is 25% and you see, I really want to have children asap and Miss Chi the other contender for my hand has an 88% score’ which means…..
The gist: Blood levels of AMH which is produced only in small ovarian follicles can be used to attempt to measure the size of the pool of growing follicles in women. Research shows that the size of the pool of growing follicles is heavily influenced by the size of the pool of remaining primordial follicles (microscopic follicles in "deep sleep"). Therefore, AMH blood levels are thought to reflect the size of the remaining egg supply - or ovarian reserve.

Fertility does decline as a woman grows older, and the problem is that it is not possible to predict the rate of decline for an individual woman. Most women are lulled into a false sense of security if they have regular period, because they assume that if their periods are regular, this automatically means that their egg quality is enough for them to make babies !
Unfortunately, this is not always true - and for some women, while their egg quality is enough for them to produce enough hormones to get regular periods, it may not be enough to make a baby !
So to avoid hearing some IVF doctor tell you in the future - I wish you had come to me earlier ? I'd suggest you get your AMH level tested.
If you live in the US, you can get it done at www.mymedlab.com.
If you live in Nigeria, go to your nearest pastoral house and bind this evil. It is not our portion!!!

p.s. I had to repost this again after deleting the first. It just wouldnt format.

Night out with Zizi Cardow

I was at Zizi Cardow’s 10th anniversary at Eko le’ Meridien [the weekend before the last last one] courtesy of my trendy girlfriend Jun who works at Flair Magazine formerly known as ‘True Love’ and gets all the correct invites while I sheepishly tag along.
What people wore
Thankfully I had this pretty dress which had not been ‘launched’ so I had no bad wardrobe moments.
Invitees were dressed up to the nines. (you know how it is when going to an event hosted by a designer, you tend to want to dress to outshine her creations if possible). Mostly gowns, little black dresses, stylishly made ankaras and a few in fancy pants. Hair and make-up were on point for most……except these two Oyibo brunettes wearing cotton Capri pants and jersey tops??? I felt it was rude to say the least to come to such an event without dressing up. Haba, do up your hair, put some make-up on, if you must do jeans; a long cut style and a nice top will do. msheew.
Who was there
Olisa Adibua and Michele Dede were the comperes and I must say they did a great job. Michele wore a shooort navy blue gown [Zizi’s creation I’m sure] which showed off her amazing Amazonian legs! I mean that in the nicest way: shapely, strong and able. lol
Social recluse that I am, I barely recognized Funmi Davies, Bisi Sowemimo, Kel, and Denrele [Jun nearly had a fit when I asked who the effeminate guy was] Forgive. She was like ‘Gal you need to go out more’. But I am proud to say I recognized Kenneth Okolie [Mr. Nigeria]and the 2nd runner up too(whatshisname) who modeled at the event.
The 36 hopefuls for the Miss Nigeria title were also in attendance. Seated in the 3 rows in front of moi. Wish them well.
Entertainment
This had a strong African theme. From the sensational arty dance group based in Lagos, to the female singing group from Edo, then the duo who performed a track in memory of the late Dagrin [song went well till they started some loud ‘dry’ sobbing at the end..wtf…nollywood??].
Kel’s performance was impeccable…..though her errr hair wasn’t.
Looking at the pictures….so Omotola was there hmmm. Didnt notice. Omawunmi too?
The runway
Zizi did not disappoint with her designs. They were flamboyant, outrageous, quirky but largely wearable [rather tame infact] for Zizi. Errr except for the bikini models. Cough cough, am I the only one who thinks bikini wearing is a strange part of African runaways. For all my westernization it just jarred on my nerves. Double standards? Cause I don’t feel the same when I see it in Western Movies. I also wondered what her parents [they were there] and coterie of aunties thought… but my overall impressions about Zizi was a focused, determined and passionate woman in contrast to my earlier impressions of a crazy one.
I really wish her more evolutions to her elbow.

p.s. I do wish I had taken more pictures. But that would have taken my gaucheness to new levels and embarrassed Jun to no end.


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