They dont make them like this anymore - Expendables

Just saw Expendables and thought it was a really fun watch.

Plot: A team of mercenaries were hired by the CIA to rid a south American country Valiena of its dictator-leader and the American ex CIA gone rogue…who he is hobnobbing with to keep his country under his thumbs.

Wow: They don’t make action movies like this anymore. Simple storyline – good guys vs nasty guys. Sprinkle in some pretty girls and romance to sweeten the deal.  Plenty brawn, gun fights and knife fights. No sophisticated guns and bombs, brawn, no complex computer graphics or clutter. Just BOOM BOOM KAZOO BAM and fantastic fight scenes.

Did I forget ….Fun dialogue

“What’s he saying

He just said ‘we are dead’ with an accent”

Sly spoke so much, he made up for all his 5 sentence movies within 20 mins of Expendables. And that Six pack he had on looked downright sinful for a 64 yr old!

Urgh: The sound editing was kinda poor. Especially in the battles. Yes guns are meant to be noisy we know but hell, I am a bit deaf here.

The CGI-ed blow ups were a bit too much. They said 'kill the Dictator' not destroy the country’s infrastructure. The citizens are not going to say “thank you”, you know. Reminds me of all the things wrong with Western interference in a small country’s war. Ok Ginger shush.

With an unknown cast I would have rated this movie a 6/10. But it was kinda nostalgic seeing Stallone, Lundgren, even Willis and Arnold Schwarzo (Can’t remember the spelling of his name anymore) made a cameo appearance.

Then throw in my man, Jason Stratham, Jet li, Mickey Rourke and Terry Crews… yep they are fast becoming hollywood’s expendable action guys too. Old age and all. So Ginger generously rates this 7/10

Gossip: Heard Van Damme was supposed to be in this..but he said no thank you. I want a more fleshed out character. Something like that. Ha haha evil laugh. He missed.

Why am I seeing pictures of Forest Whitaker on posters. Was he supposed to act the part of Terry Crew? Hope not..

Did Sly have some face tucks (*wink, wink*)? His face was looking a bit too firm and unlined for me. *green eyed*

A Loo is still a Loo

"A Loo is still a Loo,

Even if made of flowered porcelain…"

(Sing to the tune of Aretha Franklin’s A rose is still a rose)

I came across this news article about the auction of John Lenon’s porcelain lavatory which he used between 1969 -1972 in his home at TittenHurst Park, Berkshire.

It was sold for £9,500.

My take - Somebody's piece must be made of liquid gold, smh.

My bff broke my heart

I want to write about my bff. A sweet, beautiful chica I've known for all of 20 yrs: from those first days as a home longing boarder at Junior high school in 1990. We went through all the usual rites of passage- bras, first boyfriends (gf gave me a run for my money with the bf in this post), siblings who we thought stifled us, university, more boyfriends - the great ones, the bad ones, the forgettable ones, bad choices, heart breaks, first rose bouquets, Valentine days, GPAs, NYSC, first jobs, marriage. And we survived it all. Babies should have been next.

I just found out through the grapevine that She had a baby.

I'm so happy ecstatic to hear her good news.

But I won’t deny that I feel hurt. Hurt that through 9months of pregnancy, it never occurred to her to drop a text, email, to say ‘Hey Ginger, I'm pregs’.

I feel cheated that I never got to see her pregnant, hear her moan over losing her shape, dwaddling gait, about her midnight cravings and near piss in the pant misses.

Initially post marriage 3 yrs ago, I used to tease her so about ‘having a bun in the oven’. Then I stopped cause I didn’t want to seem insensitive in case they were having problems. But the calls/communication kept coming irregularly regular. She pestering me about the latest man in my life; me updating her about my single gal escapades; She telling me about adjusting to being a wife and living in the States; mutual family health progress.

Come to think of it, she never said much despite my probes about her personal life and I didn’t push cos I felt she needed that early marriage privacy; this wasn’t dating days when you give a blow by blow account of how badily the new boyfriend kisses etc etc.

It’s not easy maintaining long distance relationships especially when you're continents and cultures apart but I thought those were minor hindrances. We had the sisterhood bond afterall. I’ve sent her 2 long chatty mails in the past 2 months which were not answered. I assumed she was busy. The poor communication should have given me an inkling that things aren't the same. Maybe.

This post does sound final. Like the friendship is over. maybe. maybe not. I am yet to send her a congratulatory message or call. None of our mutual friends has anyway. Not on Facebook (usual culprit).

Deep down I feel like the friend who was not invited to the party. So yes maybe I’m sulking in the side lines. But it's just that I love my bff and our relationship was one of those things you just take for granted will remain the same forever and ever.

Am I being selfish?

Made For Each Other

Plot - Dan(Chris Masterson) in his 3^rd month of no sex post marriage has a moment of weakness and has casual sex with another woman. He then decides to rectify the situation by finding the right man to seduce his wife into an affair so they can even out on the infidelity stake.

Trust a guy to come up with this kinda of idea right??….. wrong. Women do too!

The first scenes were funny enough. with all the neighbors and colleagues interested in finding out if his luck in the bed stakes had turned. And how everything just reminds you of your ‘not getting some’ situation. I could relate. Recently a male friend's fb status was about him being envious of the grasshoppers he saw copulating on his car windscreen. Lol.

Wow - Variety reviewed it as Wryly hilarious, completely overboard and unpredictable”. Very generous.  The only unpredictable twist was the 2 minutes of confession by wife in the 75^th minute. Now that got a wow from me. The ‘wryly hilarious’ and ‘completely overboard’ – that’s a reviewer gone overboard with praise.

Urgh - Dan is supposed to be one goofy antics -no laughs guy but he just annoyed the heck out of me. I couldn’t even go all fuzzy about him and dream of him leaving his girlfriend  wife for me.

Hey Directors/writers, in case you didn’t know, that’s a key ingredient of Romcoms. A male lead we can weave fantasies about. We need to think he is hot and sweet and lovable. If he is not, why would we care if his wife hasn’t bonked him 3months into marriage?

Ginger scores it 3.5/10

Movie did make me remember a girlfriend of mine who’s first time jitters lasted 3 months after the wedding. What!!!!!!!!! Yep. 3months and they had dated for 2yrs without it too. Poor guy.

JG said those are valid reasons for divorce. Ha. I call it love. What’s 3 months in a lifetime of togetherness? Barf. Deep down I do confess that Dan's moment of weakness is more realistic of events.

Whaddaya think?

An Update of Sorts

Hey. This was one busy week. Big Sis Deb is in town (from Abuja) staying at her friend – Aunty PD's on the opposite side of Lekki. I had to shuffle my schedule to make out time to visit with her

Are those lips sending me a smoochie or sucking lemons?

plus some baby-sitting for Aunty PD's baby boy. It’s good to have family around.

Talk about walking on pedestals!

I got these lovely Katie and Kelly sandals from her. Thanks Sis. Did she forget I was tall?? And have vertically challenged boyfriends? (you know yourself..lol).

I wore my favourite high waist skirt today. And my thighs rubbed against themselves all day long. I ‘ve had that skirt for 18 months and never experienced that so I guess….I’m adding some weight. Yipee!

Adam is clueless - Grown ups

Grown ups (2010) is about the reunion of former basketball team mates (Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schneider) who are now grownups, at the death of their former Coach.

Plot: what plot? I just told ya. It’s about a reunion of 4 former basket ball team mates. that’s it. don’t expect any subplot or surprises. No sire. It’s a long video recording of the families as they holiday together over the fourth of July weekend, catching up and revealing old and new peccadilloes. Towards the end it became a sappy marriage renewal of sorts.

It was like watching a houseful of men and women reading out one liners from a 101 politically incorrect Joke book. With everyone fighting for their turn - ‘Me! me!’. ‘No, my turn’. ‘No, it was your turn last time’. Boob jokes, food jokes, sex jokes, infantile tricks, Arrow roulette (loved that one actually)!

I can imagine a group of guys watching this and relating. The four friends were good together. The wives were a harder mix. But the kids - kids just know how to get things together don’t they?.

The sub-focus on kids of ‘now’ not appreciating the joys of outdoors was appreciated by me. Too much internet and video games…hello? The snootiness of demanding Voss water in a burger joint....hehehe

All in all, I am just so happy I watched this at home sitting on a comfy sofa with a can of coke and chicken kebabs. And how did your day go?

Ginger scores it 5/10

Adam at his irreverent best -Zohan

Don’t mess with the Zohan 2008

Plot: Zohan Dvir is an Isreali counter terrorist operative living with his very orthodox parents in Israel. Following a failed plot to apprehend a Palestinian activist known as ‘the Phantom’, he fakes his death, and hides in a dog-kennel on a plane bound for New York.  There he abandons his former life and tries to pursue his dream – To be a hair-stylist. A skeptical but charmed Hair Salon owner Dahlia initially hires him as a cleaner then allows him to replace a stylist who quits. Zohan becomes a magnet for elderly female clientele with his erotic services thus boosting sales. He also falls in love with Dahlia.

Then enters Dahlia's landlord, Walbridge, who has been raising rents regularly trying to get the tenants to quit the building so he can turn it into a mall. When this fails, he hires redneck thugs to terrorize the neighborhood and create misunderstandings between Jews, Muslims, Arabs, and Palestinians leading to fights.  Zohan decides to confront the thugs, not knowing that he is in for quite a few surprises himself.

Wow: Adam at his irreverent best. This movie was brainless, chock full of cliché jokes, stereotypes, crude toilet humor and worse. Exactly why I found it laugh out loud funny through its entire length. It might not be so cool to watch this with your parents or the Minister from church but with friends…..it can wrung a smile from the prissiest one - the goat saga, the ingenuous uses of hummus, the saloon ladies..Turturro as Phantom. Priceless.

Ginger scores it 7/10

Adam's Alltime Best - Click

Click 2006

Plot: Michael Newman(Adam) has it all – the loving wife (Kate Beckinsale), 2 kids-Ben and Samantha, a job he loves doing which also has great career prospects. But he was also ambitious and had bought into the lie – work you’re a$$ off, make partner and then life/family follows. As his self absorbed boss Ammer(Hasselhoff) offloads his workload on him, Newman finds it increasingly difficult to set time aside to spend with his family. Following a frustrating bout with the remote control one night, he heads off to the nearest electronic shop in search of a universal remote control which can power all the electronic devices in his home.

Bed Bath and Beyond’s enigmatic employee/inventor Morty(Christopher Walken) gives him more than he bargained for. An RC that has complete control over the TV and Stereo and even his life.

He finds the remote control has the power to muffle the family dog’s bark, zoom past a quarrel with his wife, zoom past a tiresome dinner with his parents, allows him to travel back and forth through time. Initially being able to ffwd through unappealing parts of daily existence is exhilarating….till Michael realizes that he is also skipping through the good parts in fact he has lost control and the remote is now taking him through life on auto pilot.

Wow: This was Adam Sandler at his best.  If you’ve been neglecting your loved ones, get ready for a guilt trip.

I laughed, then I cried. yep, Adam does sappy really sappily well. Then I laughed again. And when I finished that movie I called/sent texts to my siblings and friends…just because I care.

The saddest thing about Click's message is that those who really need to see it are probably too busy to do something as retarded as watch a movie. Go figure.

Ginger scores  it 8/10

Big Daddy Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler is not exactly one of my favourite actors or producers. Not that I have a favorite. If you can help me forget my tiredness or troubles for 90mins, I will love you. But there’s just something irreverent and silly and unpredictable about him that makes you watch his movies - even if it’s to convince yourself that you were right about him being irreverent, silly, unpredictable and funny.

Big Daddy 1999 - Adam Sadler at his mean best!

Plot: Sonny Koufax (Adam) is a lazy law school grad living on a windfall from a successful lawsuit. He is also a dickhead who gets on the last nerve of every female around him including his girlfriend. And he doesn’t really care or pretends not to.

Then a 5yrold boy gets parceled to his home. Result of a wild romance by his friend/room mate who is about to get married. Adam pretends to be his daddy and thus gets to keep him. His plan: to show his gf that he was a loving kinda guy. And could be a great dad.

Wow: The interestingly unpredictable part of the movie was his interaction with Frankenstein (yep that’s the kid’s name choice). They get up to all sorts of evil pranks that I am loathe to allow my future kids watch in case they think it’s cool and copy it. like the saliva trick ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. My nephew would enjoy that.

Urgh: Then comes the sappy part where the truth is discovered and sonny is taken away from him. From there it tsunami-ed into a cliched courtroom scene and ending. 

Still worth a viewing in spite of that...

Ginger scores it 6/10

Morbid thoughts

I’ve been having morbid thoughts recently. In fact most of yesterday.

What was I thinking?

So what if something really bad happens to moi, and some miscreant got hold of my bag before you can say Jack Robinson (thus taking away my phones, laptop and Ids).

1)How will people identify me? 2)How will they know who to contact?

I don’t have siblings here with me in Lagos. Nor do I have a crowd of friends like back in college who check on my daily activities. There are close family friends but not the type that call you every day - monthly more like it. and our police/security/tracing systems are not reliable.

My only hope is JG. Who calls me at some points during the day. He will know something is wrong when I don’t call back. And maybe alert the police and my family. But he doesn’t even have their numbers. Ok maybe he will call Jun. who will then call my family…. hmmm. Maybe

3)How about my online friends? FB, Blog. Will they think I went on a blogging break or something. How will they know?

Well, I got a little hint.

A random ex colleague from Uni left me an offline message on FB yesternight. ‘Did you hear about Ese?’ and I think who is Ese??

Oh yeah Charles Ese. A mutual colleague from Uni. What coulda happened? So I check his FB page and I saw condolence messages on his wall. He had died on Wednesday (RIP). A friend of his had broken the news through an announcement on his wall. Well, that answers my 3rd Q.

Then this morning I got a text from a great boyfriend of mine. Before I viewed the text I just knew it was either great news or bad news. KK doesn’t send texts.

It was a thank you message to all those who attended his father’s burial. He must have sent a text to all the numbers on his phone contacts. I never knew. KK is not on Fb and though we have some mutual friends, they are even more outta touch than me.

I have called him and we’ve talked and all. So sad. I knew his parents. They were such love birds even after 40 yrs of marriage. Poor Mrs K.

On a cheery note, Mom’s 79^th birthday was yesterday. I called her late in the night (bad daughter! I’d remembered in the morning, then I forgot). I'dchatted with dad awhile then asked him to hand over the phone to Mom - before she turns green. Mom and I spoke for about 15mins. I noticed the conversation was not in sync. Her responses were to my questions were off tangent.

She ended the conversation anyway and there I sat starring at my phone. Wondering what was that??!.

I had to call , dad back.

Me: Dad, is your wife going deaf?

He burst into laughter.

Me thinking - Ok that’s reassuring.

Dad: Nooo. You know I’ve got a new flip phone. I don’t think she was holding it the right way.

Me: errr You sure Dad?

Dad: Yes dear. Call her on her own phone and note the difference.

Me: Ok. I will. Goodnight Dad. I love you.

Dad: I love you too Ginger

*sigh of relief. Thank you Lord.

I've been Salt-ed

What with all the news about Russian spies that were caught and sent home, this movie was rather too timely. Eerie coincidence huh?

Plot: Salt is about Evelyn Salt a CIA agent turned fugitive following an accusation that she was actually a Russian spy with a mission to kill the president of Russia. But that was actually a tip of the iceberg.

The ultimate scheme was setting off a chain reaction which would make America a target for destruction by vengeful nations worldwide.

Wow: Action, action and more action. Story was fast paced and kept you guessing. Angelina was a consummate spy - lithe, fast, and adept at makeovers.

And those huge soulful eyes of hers which tell you nothing and sometimes too much. Her lips looked like they were attacked by bees just before the shooting began. Lol.

Homeboy Chinwetel did great too as the doubting agent Peabody. I heart him!.

Urgh: I didn’t much like the ending. Though the other option would have been the clichéd stuff.

All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable spy ride and my best Angelina Jolie movie to date. Hope she’s put some flesh on those bones post production….

Go watch.

Ginger scores it 7/10

My Uncle the Medicine Man

Pix Courtesy: John McCall, Anthropology Dept, Southern Illinois University, Carbondale

My village called Nri is known as the ancestral home of the Igbos. It is also famed for being the keepers of tradition and upholding the sanctity of life. If there’s anything like good voodoo/juju that’s what our medicine men practice….except for maybe some success denied or a laming or blinding(??) as punishment for some evil deed done but rarely anything diabolical or death causing - compared to stories heard from other places.

Dear Linda’s lol post here inspired this post about a great Uncle of mine who was a medicine man.

His house was next to ours in the large acre of land that belonged to my great grandfather – Elee the clan head.

Uncle Ani is generally an amiable charming man. Full of sharp quips and proverbs. He was not huge but he had a presence that made people pay attention. I bemoaned he wasn’t on the Jesus side. He would have made a great Christian.

He was a respected arbiter in disputes. He chaired the clan meetings. He was also involved in administering chieftaincy titles.

Some of his other priestly duties included errr clearing widows of guilt in the event of a husband’s death (It is rumoured that the means by which he certifies innocence includes a lakeside oath taking and some gymnastics  with the ladies). Anywho he was a most popular man in the village. I think I saw him in full medicine man regalia about once or twice…you know the loincloth wrapper, bare chest, feathered cap and white powder around the eyes.

Coming home for the yuletide festivities, you notice the main paths strewn /festooned with eggs and beads, and goat’s blood and feathers. I don’t know who the juju was for but it wasn’t gonna get me. The rest of the extended families well the younger generation avoided him and his family like the plague – They won’t even drink water from his home come to talk of food. I, on the other hand got on well with him. He used to call me 'Nwa udu be Elee’ – the smallest of the Elee clan.

The last time I saw  him was the past Xmas holiday. He is 93 now. And mostly home-ridden. He still had the big welcoming smile when I knelt to greet him but his eyes were blank (that kneeling gesture plain tickles him - it is not an Igbo tradition but I adopted it from my Yoruba friends).

It took me 10 secs to realize he didn’t know who I was. Despite his wife’s hints. Then she winked at me and shook her head. I understood. Age amnesia.

But then there was great news:

Aunty flashed her right hand under my nose – a wedding band. Woah what happened? Well, it seems a couple of months back, Uncle got up, dressed and went to the village church, made confessions and requested a baptism ( This was the same man who waged a war on my mom for years for daring to knock down one of his shrines).

His new name is John. He had also agreed to wed his wife of 55 years in church!

While people like Fr Peter and me are over the moon about this development. I’m sure the villagers who were on the queue to receive some love potion from him were not too happy. Ah well, can’t please everybody…

In The News - CHEF FROSTIES

The body of a renowned French chef, Jean-Francois Poinard who has been missing for 18 months was found dead in a freezer.

The common-law wife Guylene Collober, 51, confessed to punching the retired chef in the stomach during an argument, saying that he fell, hit his head and died eighteen months ago.

Collober said she left the body in the bathroom for three days before deciding to buy a freezer in which to store the corpse.

Collober opened up to her daughter about Poinard during a night out, saying that “something unfortunate” had happened to him. Her daughter alerted police, who then raided her apartment in Lyon, France.

Police said Collober burst into tears when they arrived. “I think you’ll find what you’re looking for,” she told police. The body of 71-year-old Poinard was curled up in a fetal position and covered with plastic bags inside a chest freezer, police said.

“A full post-mortem examination will be carried out to discover the precise cause of death,” a police spokesperson said.

Collober is now under investigation for aggravated manslaughter and, under French law, could face a harsher penalty for killing her common-law husband, which is treated as a more serious crime than killing another party.

What a story! What a woman! Poor chef! RIP.

The frozen humor in comments due to the circumstances of death did bring a wry smile. Like one said “C'mon... it's not every day you find a prominent French chef in the deep freeze. I'd say frozen humor trumps fresh horror in this case’.

§  I once heard that French chef's were known for their frosty dispositions........Guess they weren't lying.

§  Would you say he was frozen in time?

o   No, frozen with thyme.

§  So much for French cooking...

§  Nothing but cold cuts from now on

§  I couldn't help but think about that movie... Ratatoulle... I guess we now know how it ended with him and his girlfriend. I never trusted her... she just seemed a little TOO confident with those chopping knives. (Ginger thinks so too. I was actually checking to see if he was the movie’s moniker)

§  Thaw for two hours, he'll tell the cops everything they need to know.

§  This is definitely a cold case, We must let it thaw before we can get cooking on this.

§  I wonder if anyone thought to freeze his assets while he was missing.

§  I guess she REALLY Iced him for Good. Too bad she didn't have a chance to serve Chef Glace'.

§  I guess she did not like the soup.

§  This story is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak . . .

§  Two years? She could have eaten all of the evidence in that time and no one would be the wiser.

o   They eat Horse in France, not Jackass

§  Let's not jump to conclusions, they could have been working on a frozen recipe that went terribly wrong!

§  Now this is chilling.........

§  Ice-o-lated?

§  That's just cold man, real cold.

§  So now we have chefsicles

§  yes and also frozen chefticlesl..

§  I'm somewhat surprised she stayed with him....considering he had been giving her the cold shoulder for years.....

§  I thought you are supposed to get rid of frozen meat after six months? Or is that seafood? I always get this confused.

o   I think 'frog' is good for up to two years ......

§  Defrost setting, 60% power for 5 hrs and 35 minutes

§  Then set heat to 350 and baste in own juices for 40 minutes. Cut into 3inch square portions (small portions for upperclass restaurant). Serves 85.

§  Can somebody recommend a nice wine?

§  Sad to say this relationship has been put on ice.

§  They must have had a fight and he went to go chill out.

Atithi Tum Ka Jaaoge

Nooo, I’m not writing in a secret magic language that turns you, dear reader, into a frog.

It’s Hindi for ‘Dear Guest, when will you leave?’.

Plot: Atithi Tum Kab Jaaoge is a Bollywood comedy about a happy young couple Puneet and Munmun and their little son living in Mumbai – and luckily far from visiting relatives and their troubles.

The little boy’s wish for a guest to visit comes true in the form of a distant relative Lambodai Bajpai. He comes bearing gifts of irrepressible farts, religion, olde world chauvinism and an unwillingness to go home despite obvious hints. You join the family through their hilarious schemes to get Uncle to go home.

When it finally happens, there’s  a lesson to be learnt by all the family well, except Uncle Lambodai!

-         Savor the old amongst us especially their eccentricities that make us want to hit our head on the wall, or cringe with embarrassment, CAUSE you won’t always have them with you. Go watch, especially with your kids. There's a lot we can learn about being good hosts from India.

Wow: This is a decent production from Bollywood and Warner Bros. Movie was colorful and quite song-full - I got glassy-eyed at a point! Paresh Rawal (the guest) is a damned good actor. He stole all his scenes with his rather diminutive presence and excessiveness. I also enjoyed seeing the colorful religious festival....cant remember the name. 
Good editing would have made the movie a steal at 90mins but its 115mins and like JG told me – Indians don’t go to the cinemas to see a short movie. They want their money's worth in the movie length!

Ginger Scores it: 6.5/10
Finally, the perfect movie to end today with. Have a great week everyone!

Bare Knuckles

Its been long since I watched such an appalling movie. Bare Knuckles. I watched it cos it was supposedly based on a true life story despite the fact it was b rated and had a mostly unknown cast. I should have known better.

Storyline is one you can predict from a mile off, if you’ve seen the Rocky series, Champ - reluctantly fighting in bouts to make money and save your family from - the wicked landlord - the frowning Banker - or pay medical bills in this case. Then that final fight that makes or breaks you.

Urgh, where do I begin:

The Heroine: Samantha’s (Jeanette Roxborough) performance wasn’t remarkable in anyway. She limped through the movie. In the scene where she was refusing to fight cause she couldn’t abandon her commitments, she starts weeping and I didn’t see one teary drop. An actress that can’t even feign tears? I thought that was the basic audition for female leads. Lol.

I never even saw a connect between her and the cherished daughter that she was risking her limbs for. You know - those sappy scenes they normally throw in to make you empathise with the love between mother and child. zilch. nada

Oh yes kid was supposed to be mentally challenged too. Well the only challenge I saw was that she had a permanent pout and made faces while eating.

The trainer cum manager – usually the main support cast in this kind of movie - Sonny Cool(Martin Kove) had no connect with her. At least there should be some excitement. Either for the money, power or fame. He showed none. Bloody stilted acting.

The trainings -  usually a high point in these movies – well, a few punches here and there. No build ups, no exercise. They didn’t even try and make it appear a tad bit professional. A ballet dancer has tougher training. Heck even cheerleaders.

The fights - Now those were a laugh. Worst fight choreography I have ever seen. You see the punches coming a mile away. You even see the misses. And yes they proved a new theory -  sounds travel faster than light. You actually hear the punches before they happen. Wounds show after the fight and opponents fall before they are hit.

The bare knuckle fighting ladies: The girls sure had mean faces. They also had flabs - I kid you not – well, some of them.

Oh well, that’s what I get for supporting the female side. But I wont give up. I can't give up.

Ginger scores it 2/10

Oops JG has slept off again. Let me wake him..

Ooops oops..now I feel bad. Little girl is actually Jeanette’s real life daughter who is deaf and mute. Now that has me even more perplexed. How come I didn’t feel that connection in the movie?

Centurion 2010

This is not my usual Sunday fare. Given a choice I would do a romcom or cartoon but JG wanted to see this so I obliged him. Guess who saw the movie to the end and who slept off halfway?

Plot: The tales of Rome and their battles to conquer and maintain their hold on the worlds’ territories are myriad. This time, its 114AD and the Picts (savage Celtic inhabitants of the Scottish highlands) led by their king Gorlacon were fighting to break free of the roman tyranny. This they were achieving through ambushes, guerilla warfare and a mute she-devil called Etain(Olga Kurylenko). Etain’s vengeful quest to annihilate Roman soldiers is fueled by a personal history colored by the Roman’s inhumanity to her and her murdered family. They are also the reason for her mutilated tongue.

The Roman governor dispatches a Ninth legion led by General Titus Virilus (Dominic West) and later by Quintus Dais(Michael Fassbender) - the sole survivor of a Pict raid saved by Titus - to deal with the insurgent Celts.

Wow: The battle that ensues is bloody, fast and furious. There were moments of bravery, suspense, betrayals and counter betrayals.

Olga gave an excellent performance as mute Etain. And I can’t deny that I was most pleased to be spared the usual female shrills and screams.. She still managed to give loud grunts in close combat but that was all :-).

Neil Marshall thankfully understood that viewers would weary of all that grim and ugliness. So he gave us Arianne(Imogen Poots). The most beautiful human in this movie followed by Quintus of course - that mostly due to him being the narrator so we got to see and feel things through his eyes. That his body was drool-worthy helped too. :-p

Urgh: The dialogue wasn’t witty nor memorable. And seeing very English looking men (with trademark bad teeth) in savage battle sorta confused me. It’s not 300 but it was a decent effort at 90mins.

Ginger scores it 6.5/10

More movie reviews coming your way...the weekend is not over yet!

Things you get up to on a Saturday

I got coerced into attending one of those single seminars which are ever so popular in Lagos. I got talking with a girlfriend from the University after I reached out to her on her birthday a fortnight ago.

She badgered me into hooking up with her asap.  No problem for me but I insisted that we meet at some central location. She suggested the Singles seminar organized by the Christian Org. she works for. You might have heard of the Pastor – Chris Ojigbani. I usually avoid these types of seminars. That I am unmarried is not a problem to me that needs redemption.

But to see her I swallowed my apathy. Back in the University we were seat mates for 3 years. Got into all sorts of mischief with the lecturers. Supported each other through that 6 yr course. Yep I could make some sacrifices.

FFWD: 1.5 hours in traffic, 2 hrs of preaching, I only got to see girlfriend for 5mins cause she was busy assisting the Speaker directly. Oh well I got to ‘see’ her won’t complain. I also got 5 important messages:

Pray and believe: remember It will be done to you according to your faith.

Have the confidence that whenever you pray with faith God hears you.

You only have confidence before God when your heart does not condemn you.

Your heart will not condemn you if you are blameless before God.

No marriage or partner is bad, You are the one who can make your marriage good by working on it .

My Sandaled Feet:

These cute sandals were given to me earlier this week by Anjie: Thanks love. I miss you so!

They originally came with their own buckled leather straps but these wouldn’t go round my huge ankles. Fast forward today, I am outta casual foot wear and needed one badly. So I picked up the sandals again, removed their straps, cut the black ribbons off an old top, looped it through and tra la la:

Did I mention that though I wear a small dress size the opposite can be said for my feet? sigh

Fat diet anyone?

I’ve been trying to gain weight for as long as I can remember; when I realized that body size and boob size were directly proportional but alas till date I am yet to win that battle to increase my fat deposit.

I was 45kg at Junior School (1992), 52kg at Senior School(1995), okay one time in 2000 while on a Ghanian diet of Banku and Fufu I blew up to..gasp 58kg. (You need to try Ghana Fufu. It’s a pounded combo of unripe plantain and cassava highly recommended).

As of this morning 2010, I weighed 56.5kg. This after 4 months of consistent and balanced meals with a healthy amount of rest (Blogging isn’t work right?).

Okay, I know y’all probably think I should quit complaining but hey, it’s not only big sized people that have issues with their body size thank you.

I have done the appetite drugs – Vit Bs, Supradine, Complan as a supplement, I nearly tried the pill in the Uni cos I heard it makes you gain weight. (Guess the fear of cancer was bigger than my need to gain weight).

Then I tried the over-eating on junk food – pastries, cocoa late at night- all I got was humongous acne and a portly tummy.

So here I am still a size 6/8 UK

Size 0/4 in the US

Size 28 in China

PROS of being Slim

History: I got to act a female lead in high School “Wedlock of the gods” cos of my size. The male lead confided that I was easier to carry than the other cast.

Once in a blue moon, I get to own lovely clothes by default cos they are too small for every other person

I get to wear ultra pretty bras haha. They are not doing any overt support work..so they might as well look pretty

I get all the yummy food passed on to me cos everyone thinks I’m malnourished

I get to receive constant compliments about my slim size by other people. You should model…gag. On the good side, that’s the reason I haven’t committed suicide or signed up to be a guinea pig for lipoinjection exercises.

I am usually a welcome addition to the pool car cos I don’t take up space or deflate tires

I get to keep my FEW lovely clothes to myself cos potential green eyed friends/nieces/cousins can’t fit into them. Yay!

CONS:

I hate that I don’t fill out clothes properly. I suffer from acute buxom envy.

Shopping for clothes is a most unfulfilling exercise. Lagos dress shops prefer to stock up for plus size women 14-22. (Nigerian women have generous sizes you see).

I miss out on freebie clothes from my sisters.

Marge’s idea of shopping for clothing for me is buying size 12 clothing. Hear her, ‘Ginger, you are an adult and you need to start wearing adult sizes’. It’s a psychology thing. She wants to believe the new size 12 clothes would inspire me to gain weight so I can fit into them. It never worked.

Db and SV are sweethearts. She knows to shop in the kiddies/teen dept where my size abounds. Lol. She has actually recommended Singapore to me for shopping. Said there, size 6s and 8s are the norm J.

I blame my size for my unmarried state. Men either think I’m underage or they think I would constitute some high maintenance cost trying to feed me into a more acceptable shape/size.

To be honest, I am mostly grateful that I am fit but once in a while when I miss out on some luscious outfit cos Slim doesn't do it justice, I wish I wish…….

p.s. you'll do know why I used Audrey Hepburn's pix right? She's one elegant TWIG!

SPLICE

Just finished watching Splice and I had to blog about it now that its awesomeness is still oozing outta me.

Part Sci-fi, part drama, part thriller, all human and daring to the end in its plotting. Splice raises all the questions we ask deep inside whenever a new scientific discovery comes out. “What went on behind the lab doors?” or tell me you never wondered with all the ‘clone this’/ ‘clone that’??

Plot: Clive Nicoli (Adrien Brody) and Elsa Kast (Sarah Polley) are two brilliant genetic engineers/lovers who have successfully spliced together the DNA of different animals to create incredible new hybrid animals. Their success motivates them to blend human DNA with that of other animals to create a hybrid that could revolutionize science and medicine. But this is against the wishes of the pharmaceutical company that funds their research. Though Clive initially rejects the idea of actually bringing the hybrid to term, Elsa pushes the issue and persuades Clive to go along with it, in continued secrecy. They name their creature; a half human, half animal female, Dren.

Wow: Splice had me in conflicts. It was right and wrong on soooo many levels. First ‘What was Elsa thinking?”.

The wrong decision was from inception….letting that creature live.

Elsa’s characterisation was superb. Unstable. Driven. Curious. And I liked that they maintained her “what’s the worse that can happen?’ outlook to the end.

Dren was fascinating on so many levels. I guess a scientist…or anyone with even a mildly enquiring mind would have done wht Elsa did. But she blurred the lines too deeply.    You either treat her like an experimental animal or human child. By confusing her for the child she wanted she nurtured and developed latent human emotions – affection, sexuality, intelligence, hatred, pain, revenge - in Dren which led to her undoing. Eg. When Dren threatened her, her reaction was so human – yet soo wrong. Elsa should have just killed Dren then (as she should have so many times before) rather than turning against her in such a vicious ‘vengeful’ way. She blurred the line.

Urgh: Dren could have still turned monster-male without the wings in line with developmental progress already intimated. While the rape of Elsa was apt, the outright killing of Clive and the others didn’t make sense. Maybe in self defence or over a fight for Elsa you know, a kinda male territorial thing. With the killing spree, It looked like the script writers were lost for direction on how to eliminate Dren or they suddenly remembered it was meant to be horror. Ha!

I would have given this movie a 9/10 but that clichéd ending just did it in.

For that I give it a 7.5/10.

The special effects was good strike that excellent. I had to check to see if Dren was all CGI or human. She was mainly human Abigail Chu as the child and Delphine Cheaneac as the adult. Thumbs up both of you!

Help! There's a killer next door

A bill currently before lawmakers in Nigeria's Lagos State could make corporal punishment against children a criminal offence. If the Criminal Law Bill is passed, parents and teachers could face spells in prison for causing 'grievous harm' when beating or flogging children with a cane.

 Q: Does the government have the right to decide how you treat your children or do you think this is a step too far? Could this affect discipline among school children? Would you like to see a similar law passed in your country?

My colleagues and I got into a loud discussion today during solemn work hours - as employees whose boss is away do. It started when I pointed out the above article on BCC website.

Helen thought lawmakers had no right to decree such a law for the family. ‘Children need disciplining. And the cane is an integral part of it’ she said.

So too Angie.

Me? I agreed with them to an extent. Physical correction when well applied( and I mean a smack on the rump, a whack or two with a folded newspaper) without force, not fuelled by anger and an intent to harm can be a good corrective measure, but …there's a huge but.. Has the parent truly exhausted all other means of correction before resorting to the rod?

The rod philosophy of child training is so easy and therein lies its biggest appeal and danger. Being creative – grounding a child, withholding of a favourite toy/TV show requires some amount of creativity, planning and perseverance which a frenzied Nigerian parent does not have time for.

It’s not an excuse but what can I say? My siblings and I are products of that upbringing and we haven’t done badly.

I digress.

Angie suggested they put more energy towards sexual abuse laws protecting minors. I agree - In recent times there has been an increase in reports of accosted pedophiles. Whether this is due to an increase in number of Pedophiles or due to increased awareness by Mothers is yet to be verified. I pray it’s the latter and I'm thankful to the nonprofits and individuals spreading the news. I even heard there're strong campaigns in the market place warning mothers not to leave their kids - m/f unsupervised with adults they can’t vouch for.

Good for them.

The gist got back on track to child abuse scenes we have witnessed.

Haha charity begins at home. My mom was a ferocious beater. My sisters are still in awe of her arm. Luckily my last child status made me exempt sort of or maybe she had lost her steam after the prior six kids lol.

Helen then told us of her neighbor a single parent male with 3 sons. Who beat his kid so hard that he FELL DOWN AND DIED. I kid you not.

How did they find out? On the weekend following the fatal beating, the family had gone to church (very religious you see) where the Sunday school teacher asked Taiye - the living twin of his brother’s whereabouts.

And Taiye answered “My daddy has killed Kehinde and buried him in the house”. Ahh out of the mouth of babes.

Church members went to their home to investigate but the Father he walked them out of his home. They then reported to the police who took him in for questioning.

Well, we assume money changed hands cause father was home after 24 hrs and life continued as normal. That was May. The wife died following the birth of the twins and the Father practically raised them singlehanded. I can almost smell the stinky rat in her death.

I wish this was just conjecture on my part but why would a 7 yr old child say something like that about his father? Moreover there is a missing son and no obituary announced or proper burial carried out.

p.s. I’m as guilty as sin for not doing more than tell this incredulous story on my blog, but dear readers, our law enforcement system isn’t normal. I'm still thinking of what else can be done? Suggestions anyone?

Civic duty

Plot: Its post 9/11 in America and the news is full of conspiracy theories and the ‘Arab’ frenemies’ among us.

Terry Allen(Peter Krause) a loving husband who works as an accountant has just lost his job and is facing a mortgage crisis. He is also having marital spats with his wife over his unhealthy interest in his new arab neighbor’s activities. He is convinced that his neighbor Gabe (Khaled Abol Naga) fits a ‘terrorist profile’ – because he receives money from an arab organization, has arab friends and experiments with chemicals in his kitchen sink’. He gets increasingly paranoid to his wife’s alarm (Kari Matchett)and finally comes unhinged with tragic consequences.

Wow: I really liked this movie. First it is quite believable; It could happen in your neighborhood-Terry could be a member of your family-Paranoia is real. 
Secondly you have to understand that Terry Allen was on the verge of mental illness. His being unemployed and at home all day + the media bombardment gave him too much time to feed his delusions. 
Thirdly, I liked and could relate to FBI agent Hillary (Richard Schiff). The FBI probably receive thousands of calls like this from citizens, of both real and imagined terrorist suspects. It must be frustrating trying to follow all these leads and praying you don’t overlook some important information. 
Fourthly, It can’t be easy walking in Khaled’s shoes. 

Urgh: The soundtrack though effective somewhat was also very annoying. Action scenes were heralded by this strident urgent score then the camera pans and rotates and urgh……so retro.

Why that ambiguous ending? Was it just to keep viewers talking? Lol. They succeeded then. Cos JG and I are still arguing about it; was Khaled the real McCoy? Methinks that the reflection in his eyes differed from what was playing on the TV screen so it was all his imagination.

I guess, we’ll never know I guess.

Lesson learnt: ‘Civic duty’ has convinced me that following the media sheepishly can surely lead to paranoia so please close your ears once in a while. Or swallow what you hear/read/see with a pinch of salt. 

Ginger scores it: 6.9/10