Thursday, January 20, 2011

Taking responsibility

I am a big proponent of ‘each man taking responsibility for the direction of their life’. Not for me the whiners who cry ‘my momma made me do it’, 'My life sucks because I wasn't loved as  a child'. okay these are valid reasons too but should never justify messing up one's future or another's.
This saying reminds us that raising healthy - mental, emotional, physically, spiritually fit adults is the work of everyone in the young adult's life/community.

Where am I heading? With the skyrocketing statistics of increased smoking, obesity, drug addiction, what are parents, siblings, partners doing about it? Can we really fold our hands and say ‘Oh no, s/he ‘s an adult. ‘It’s his choice to do so so and so’. Okay, even if you want to take that attitude to an adult, what about a child? (0-17) I look around and I see a society that doesn't care anymore. Everyone is trying so hard to mind their own business and not have to feel some blame or guilt cause that would mean responsibility.

I see news like this:
A 4 year old puffing his life away
I see pictures of kids who look like this:
Or a wife/girlfriend who looks like this? 
And I wonder – Do you (Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Husband, Wife) really love this person???

Where is the tough love? Where were you before it got to this point? Cause these bad habits practices didn’t start overnight.
2 bottles become 3 bottles then 20 bottles a night.
3 cigarettes becomes 10 then 15 packs a day.
A snack after lunch becomes a snack every hour and a fridge full of junkfood.
There are always signs. The question is are we willing to be the unpopular person that says ‘HEY, YOU REALLY NEED TO WATCH THIS OR...’.
My Aunt’s hubby is a ‘heart attack waiting to happen’. And yet she happily prepares all his favorite high carbohydrate and fatty meals cause ‘that’s what he likes’. Almost makes me wonder..does she want him dead?

I read the story of a widow in her fifties who was scammed by some guy from Nigeria (no, no, no). They had met online and the guy courted her eagerly with sweet words and chat. Her daughter who lives with her suspected it was a scam and warned her severally to no avail. Her mom ended up loosing all her savings and eventually their home (cause she had mortgaged it to help her ‘yet to be met’ fiancée!). 
You know who I blamed? Her daughter.
I know I am being harsh here but I know If that were my mom, respect be damned. I would have seized her laptop/phone, emailed, called the guy and threatened his life. Hack her email and/or his. Block his mails. Send a virus to his system. Report him to Cyber crime watchdogs. Whatever. Scammers don’t like trouble and that guy would have fled to find other fish. But she had stood aside and let her mom do 'what makes her happy'.
Choices which are costing the family now. Fiddlesticks!

So when next she asks, 'Does my butt look fat in this?' 
My reply: Yes love. We really need to join a gym….


  1. True talk. But we live in a society that tries too hard to be nice and mind our business. Sometimes it is better to just sigh and walk away.

  2. Girl, you are NOT wrong. My dad said once: "if your family can not tell you that your breathe smells, who can?" Tough Love is a real thing and needs to be implemented in alot of cases. "He who does not punish eveil, commands it to be done." leonardo Dvinci. (i think)

  3. @Lucidlilith - true talk. you know all that 'if you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all' is making us gormless. Plainspeak is becoming a rarity in our discourse.

    @WittyF - Thanks for coming by girl. Wow, that was a heavy one from Leornado. I thought all he did was paint :). But certainly true. Our collective silence is a tacit 'you go on'.

  4. ps: @ DiVinci painting. who knows, it may have been Leonardo DiCaprio! lol

  5. Exactly! It's like people want to have kids, but nobody wants to be a parent. And nobody wants to be the bad guy, but sometimes you know how true a friendship is by the willingness of the other person to be honest with you.

  6. In general, people aren't honest with one another. Or even themselves. This unfortunate trait explains a lot of the world's misery and pain.

  7. You make total sense! We should tell the truth to people we love, especially if it has to do with their health- mental or physical.

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