Friday, April 29, 2011

Online dating and Internet frogs

December 2009 was a rather interesting month for me. I had gotten tired of my company bar female girlfriends. I wanted a man in my life.
Heaven helps those who help themselves right? Well, this gal is/was seriously working on her single situation with the help of friends. Yea Tisa this one is for you.
I was chatting with Tisa about my singleness and the unavailability of eligible guys. Tisa was alarmed that I didn’t even have one flame burning in the corner. To quote her, she said. ‘Ginger, you need to increase your pool of available men so you don’t end up settling with only what is available’ so she suggested online dating. ‘Hell no’, I thought but was more like uh uh. She clinched it when she reminded me that “Since you re not usually out socializing, you might as well use the medium you love [internet] to still achieve your aim” and maybe kiss an internet frog that turns into Mr Right* yeah right. But really, isnt online dating like the laaaaaaaasssssssssssstttt bus stop for any self respecting gal?

Well, never say die, one sweet Saturday, due to a lack of dates [male or female], availability of power[Up Nepa] and general joblessness, I checked out Nigerian dating sites. And joined 4 at a go [go gal!] and propositioned about 15 men[teehehe, guys dey try with toasting ooo. It’s not easy to write on someone’s profile and say you are interested and yet sound cool, sexy and un-desperate!] But worse was the fact that the pickings were slim. I am not usually biased about looks..welll not to a large extent but I CANNOT ABIDE  bad English, grammatical errors, spelling errors sheesh, your description of yourself is your only sales pitch. How can you fail that?
On one particular site, 80% of the Nigerian men, cool looking dudes I must say indicated that their sexual orientation was Bi-, trans-, homo-sexuals orientations.. Hello Straights? Are you extinct? In fact one guy was soo cool, I had to write asking if the Bisexual stats was for real’ I aint judging nor being prudish but It felt so unfair that the out of the slim picking available of ladies we are now sharing ..lol???
Fast forward 6 days later, I had a deluge of mail, largely unsolicited, largely 25 yr old students looking for a sugar mama [didn’t they see my age], others guys looking for discrete relationships etc by the 3rd day. ahhh and the grammar? Oh dear
Fast forward 14 days later, I finally got an first unsolicitated mail that caught my interest. I sent a happy birthday text to the number given (cause I noticed it was his birthday), he called back, we chatted for 20 mins and from online, we became great friends IRL.
Stop dreaming. It’s not marriage. But after him, I quit. Online dating isn’t for me. His mail to me is amongst those below. Can you guess who?

My About me page
I am like ginger: hot, spicy and snappy! I love sparring with intelligent and witty people, travelling, cookies and cream, watching adventures/thrillers/romance cuddled up to someone solid, warm and nice smelling!
My Ideal match description  
I like men who can poke fun and take it too, down to earth yet can dream, courteous, loves his Lord and is willing to take an adventure..(really not sure what I meant by that..but it sounded cool.)
Now look at all the frog replies, my charming (if I may say so) profile got -
TMI
How are you doing today?let me start by introducing myself am George by name, am from benue state,the idoma speaking part precisely.I am a single dad,and i am blessed with a wonderful daughter from the previous marriage,Am from a very small family that consist of i and my younger sister , my parents are still alive.I know you might want to know what happened between i and my ex-wife ,it actually happened 1995 after the birth of our daughter things became so rough that could she not bear it she had no choice but to run away,but i bless the almighty God that i serve ,because he saw me through out my times of trial,right now shes married to another man and has bore him kids also,but still comes to the house to visit what the only thing that joins us together,though have been into one or two different relationships that never worked out ,but have not been able to find true love till date,I am new to this site and fell in love with your profile ,i will like to know more about you,you can reach me on..
TMI 2
I AM JXX IDEM, I AM A CHRISTIAN, SINGLE, SEARCHING A TRUE FRIEND THAT WILL LEAD TO MARRIAGE, I LOST MY MUM 3YRS AGO, I NEED A WOMAN THAT CAN FILL HER SPACE, THAT IS WHY I HAVE CONTACTED YOU, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN KNOWING ME BETTER YOU CAN ADD ME ON MY YAHOO...
FOR REALS??
Hello cutie, Wow,you are really hot every man would do anything to have a lady like you i must confess you are the missing angel from heaven.by the way my name is Sunday they call me Sunnyjaz cos i am the of the people.about myself i am cool gentle easy going don`t have time for games need a serious humble lady with god fearing and open minded.i really would want to know you more and i bet you will never regret knowing someone like me.i have to run now i hope to hear from you soon.stay blessed. Yours Faithfully Sunny :P

SHORT AND UGLY
Hello, how are you doing today?your profile interest me n hence, I care to know you much better. I am YEM ,proudly African, extremely Nigerian. I don't smoke nor drink, I'm single never married with no children, I'm honest, painstaking, caring, highly romantic, energetic and futuristic. I love science, research, philosophy and the reality of life. Sorry can we opt for a worthwhile n serious relationship that can lead to a fruitful marriage? I care to establish a close contact wit you, this is my email ijadXXX@yahoo.com for easy correspondence, this is my mobile...+234XXXX. hope to here from you soonest. Yemight
GRAMMAR TOO MUCH
Hello,it is a great privilege for me to discover you online,i am 34 yrs old i am real and sincere and i want you to be real too,i don't do this but sometimes one has to bend to achieve one or two things,i really like to me you for serious relationship and i am ready to sacrifice my time energy and all i have to keep you forever.I am a medical person pursuing postgraduate studies in LUTH Could you Please link me so that i can call or mail you and come to see you,i love to meet you for marriage and everlasting happy home,please reach me vi fxloyxxxatyahoodotcom,0805XXXXX. You will not regret meeting me,lot of love from me.
MY FIRST PROPOSAL!!! SIGHT UNSEEN
Honestly if you dont mind,i will like to make you my wife,let us be real and sincere,i am loyez by name,i based in lagos,i really appreciate you,if you could give me a chance,lot of love from me,please send me your add via fxloyxxxxxxatyahoodotcom.so that i can call you and tell you more about myself,you will ot regret knowing me,i am really serious,please respond.
I'M SURE HE IS SHORT FAT AND UGLY
hello damsel,something about your eyes makes me to say hello,how re you doing?How are you doing?Am Yomi,single,nice,sincere,humble,caring,romantic and fun loving guy and am on here to meet beautiful,real and adorable friends and i browsed your page and got admired and i cares to know you more,you can get at me now on yahoo im so we can get to know more,my id is yommxxxx@yahoo.co.uk and i cant wait to read from you
MSCHEEW
I need a lady between 27 to 45 years of age for a very discreet relationship. Please note that I do not promise marriage, as we have to define the relationship between us. Complexion and tribe do not really matter. If you are not serious, please no need to get in touch. RESIDE IN LAGOS 080xxxxx

MY OPINION? NO THANKS
Hello, u look like the type of woman i need in my life.Can i hav ur opinion.
LOLLS
hi if you are interested in a sugar son i am available,if you wanna contact my number is 080XXXXXX. thanks waiting for you.
LOLLS 2
where u gonna be on the 14th ? hope im the first to ask hey let cum and swagga my swagga let me ginga ur ginga.
FRAUDSTER/419
Hi I just find ur profile on this site and I have interest in knowing more about u. My name is Kay I reside in Dublin Pls kindly get back to me with ur pix on my mail address kaxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk.and I will send mine in return. U are pretty and I really admires you a lot. Cheers.
FOR REALS 2??
Hello, charming angel. Hello It\'s really nice to come accross a great profile like yours today, and am totally dumb founded when i set my eyes on your profile i bet it will be really great to message someone really precious like you. Hummm you really looks gorgeous and i will be glad to have a respond from someone so lily like you;
HELP, BULLETS!!
hi season greetings from kellykute.how are you today i hope all is fine with u.my name is kelly but frnds call me kellyk,i sew your profile and get interested in having a relationship with you i am a nigeria.but currently not in nigeria.i will like you to contect me through this email id kellykutexxxxx@yahoo.com.so that we can commenicate thru mails.or you can add me on ur y,messenger kellykutexxxxx@yahoo.com.remember love is all that matters.i await ur fast reply to my mail box.bye and remine bless,yours awaited lovely friend Kelly
I LIKE 1
Hi There. My name is Gray and I live and work in Lekki. I saw you profile and liked it. I came to Nigeria a month back . I am all alone and looking for a friend who is straightforward, caring and with whom I can talk and share ideas with. If my profile suits you, pls call me at 080xxxxxxxx. I\'d love to hear from you.....
I LIKE 2
nice smelling ? thats me hun. i use kenneth cole for my shirts, givenchy for my trousers, and sean jean UNFORGIVABLE for my boxers. cum smell me for free honeyxxxx@yahoo.com
I LIKE 3
an adventure that\'s \"hot and spicy\" (lose the \"snappy\" tho) Y not?? zero eight zero five two three four one two four one... One would hope u r more like the cookie than the movie...
CREEPY
well am good at some few naughty things.creeping up to you and making the hairs on your skin stand up while you scream for more.am just a simple guy but like gals that can mess up their hairs and still be nice.if you don\'t mind send more of your pics at (gmyxxxx@yahoo.ca) will be nice to see you naughty even if for once......

16 comments:

  1. HAHAHHHA!!!! OMG! THE LAST ONE!!!! ewwwww wow, some want to be their sugar-mommy. lol

    yeah, online dating is crap. i'm never going back there, unless i just want to tease! HA!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Smell me for free?!!! OMG these replies are hilarious! LWKMD! ROTFLMAO! Weell, at least you have something to gist about so the whole experience definitely wasn't for nothing. I'm still chuckling hehe!

    Should i guess Short and Simple was the one you called??

    Adiya

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  3. Wow! Hilarioussssssssssss! I've been thinking of what to say in defence of these men but yet to find any... Wahala dey o!

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  4. GRAMMAR TOO MUCH: "...I am a medical person..." Jeez!
    I like 1: That's the one ;)

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  5. Oh Lord, Ginger. These guys are mostly scary! You'll find your prince but you do need to get out more. You are too beautiful a young woman to not be with a great guy!

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  6. I once read " Are you nice? so that we can make nice"

    I fell over with laugh then logged off forever!

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  7. * Catching breathe* Lmao. This is side-splitting. Ewwww@the last one.

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  8. Uhmm, not to be picky, but I thought you were bethrothed to a Nigerian king. Funny post, though. :)

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  9. Oh my God, this has inspired a post, lol. I think you called ilike 1. He sounds sensible, but I like3 is not bad either, sounds witty. And he knows movies? Hmm...

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  10. lolling at your comments. There is more where they came from. Soo sad.
    And yep, Adiya, Ifeanyi and Myne..It was I like #1. I did call I like 3 but he didnt sound as cool and he lived in Abuja. I wasnt ready for LDR.

    @Uncle Mike - lol. I am. Just wanted to be sure i had the best....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Kellykute scattered my head! Jehovah! Lmao. I can't believe you called all of 'em out like that. First time coming on your blog.....love it. Check mine out whenever. Cherrywine.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Online dating has come a long way; all the hesitations and reservations against online dating have faded away. Both men and women of all ages have accepted online dating as one of the most convenient ways of dating and have started using it extensively. It is not without reason that online dating websites are becoming popular but there are countless advantages in using online dating websites.

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  13. Ginger,
    you haf killed me with laffing. KellyKute was cute with his scuds...Like1 was stand-offish in a dare to find out me way.. guessed thats why you called him.. I am still laughing o.. infact i will bookmark this post so i can always come back to laff when i de feel like...

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  14. well,i always remember this saying, of doing things right and also patiently, online chatting/dating could be hopeless and also wonderful, i found my boyfriend online though we are far apart, but we've been dating for close to a year and we are cool together.

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