Thursday, December 15, 2011

You were f**king perfect to me

I coerced my girlfriend to attend the Doctors' Xmas Ball yesterday. So I could tag along and maybe meet some cute doctors, who knows lol

Well, they were certainly respectable cute-looking young doctors. They also came with significant others hanging on their arms. What is it with Brits and marrying early? I swear some of them didn’t look like they had celebrated their 25th birthday and they had been married for 3 years.

Jat introduced me to her group and I got on brilliantly with the Zimbabwean chic by my side. Like the pea soup appetiser was so bland that simultaneously we looked up from the first sip and screamed ‘Argghh SALT!!!’. Then when the salt shaker was passed to us, it came with a single pin-sized hole. What’s that?? It would take forever to get a pinch out. So I pulled the bottom off and we salted to our heart’s content #teamAfrica.

The roast potato with gravy, steak and ham plus the cheesecake desert more than made up for the bland appetizer. Yum yum.

Then the DJ set up his gig and it was Dance! Dance!

I was itching to dance but the Docs on my table were just sitting and tapping fingers. What’s that??
So I took the hand of the male doc nearest to me. ‘hey I want to dance and I need a partner…lol. Not that my 6 inch heel let me do much damage to the dance floor but I tried. At a point Tat and I had to get together to do some afro-flavored boot-shaking…ok, not like I had the booty but you understand..

Finally at about 11.30pm I reminded Jat she had a husband and 
As we waited for Tat to get her coat so we could all leave together, (Jat had volunteered to take her home), one of J’s colleague/friend, a petite brunette, Kat came over to chat. She had this little black dress on with a tutu-like ruffles at the hem. I told her her dress was pretty. She teased Jat about her bootylicious behind. Jat did some booty gyrations specially for her with Kat and I giggling and asking her to donate some to the less privileged.
As we said goodbye Jat warned her to take it easy with the alcohol so she won’t be hungover at work the next day. She laughed and said she’ll try.

It was a great outing and subsequently I have been in a good mood most of today. All that dancing and exercising and socializing really does good to the heart.

But I am sad now.

Jat came back from work a couple of hours ago looking most harassed.
She said ‘Guess what?
Kat is dead.
What!!! How??!!

It appears Nat, Kat’s friend had told Jat earlier that Kat has been AWOL all day. Not picking her phone too. None of their mutual friends had also heard from her.
So Nat decides that after their seminar that she’ll call the porter to check Kat’s room or something. Just in case.

They went to her room in the doctors quarters. The porter unlocked the door with the spare key and pushed open the door but found it difficult cause -  there was a hanging body leaning against it.


And the friend went into hysterics. They said Kat was still in the short black gown. And her body quite stiff, so she must have been dead for a long time.

Nobody knows why she decided to escape her life.

They say she had had a recent breakup with her boyfriend. Who had left her for her friend. (What is it with guys????). She hadn’t been coping well with the breakup coupled with a family history of depression. But she had also been looking forward to spending some time with her mom and jnr sister during the Xmas break.

I wonder if all the lovey dovey xmasy couples in the house yesterday could have tripped her off? Or maybe a combo of alcohol and anti-depressive drugs. Or the stress of being a young doctor. Or a combination of the above or something else entirely.
It’s heartbreaking.
This is the nearest I have come to suicide and it’s scary that someone laughing and dancing 12 hrs ago could think she wasn’t loved enough.

Jat wonders about the mom….who must have been preparing for a family reunion at Xmas but will now be planning a funeral.
Plus the guilt. ‘Was it something I said/did?’. ‘Maybe if I had called her last night, this morning, maybe maybe I could have talked her out of it etc etc.

So many fragile souls out there; dear God bless them and make them strong in the face of challenges. Help us too to be better shepherds. Amen.

p.s. Post title was borrowed from Pink's track of same name. Do pardon my French.


  1. Oh dear God, Honey, this is dreadful. What a sad sad thing. Christmas and holidays seem to intensify the pressure to "be happy". I had a neighbor tell me I need to "snap out of it" when I was telling her how sad we are about losing Honey. Poor Kat. What a waste! And believe me when I say, things always look better in retrospect. That guy who broke your heart, well he gets fat and bald. Live goes on, Ginger, or at least it should.

    Love you!


  2. Just like that? Cases like this one often reveals hwo there is a desire in every man to be loved. Its a lie when someone says I need no one in my life. I tell you... rejection or isolation is serious and yes, they could lead to death. I wrote something about this on facebook sometime ago... very sad.

    On the other hand, I feel if someone has the mind of Christ, he/She won't commit suicide no matter the challenge cos you will always find comfort in Jesus...

    - LDP

  3. So sad. I don't even know what to say :-(

  4. I was very happy when i started reading this post. And i was thinking, see groove. You guys must have had fun. Then I got to the part where you said someone died. I actually had to go back to see whether you mentioned the person at all in the very happy party scene. This is so sad. This is an indication that not everyone you see who is smiling or happy is really happy. There might be something just underneath the surface that is bothering them. This is so sad. May her soul rest in peace

  5. So young, beautiful and filled with so much promise. How sad...

  6. This is so sad. May the good God forgive her sins. is so difficult out there and nowadays looks like the most perfect people are the really fragile ones.

  7. Sigh.. :( and I was going to comment on how your 'enlightened self interest' got you a seat at the ball...

    Goes to show just how our perceptions of others may not necessarily reflect how things really are with them - those who are left are left pondering what they might have done differently to help..

    May her soul RIP...

  8. May her soul rest in peace. Did you hear of the missing Nigerian pharmacist in the US? I think the same thing happened with her. I goes to show how external success may not equal inner happiness.

  9. Haaaaa, so this is a true story? So sad
    This means not everyone we see smiling and gyrating have it all together. God really help us.

    May her sould find the rest she is looking for

  10. OH lawd! I was just going to say Pink is like my all-time fav and this song is almost always on replay on my fone. May her soul RIP. This is very sad indeed and she is soooo pretty!

    @LDP, Pple interchange depression with sadness but depression is a mental illness and she wasn't in control of her mental health.

    A million Amen to your last paragraph.

  11. this is so think you all were "happy" together hours before...May her soul rest in peace.

  12. I had no idea this was where this story was headed! So pretty and so young. So sad.We never truly know the challenges and struggles others face. May her soul find rest. Sigh.

  13. Shepherding is becoming more of a rare event in human society. We should do it more. We also should communicate more though. If people don't know what's wrong, how can they help? It is a complicated matter and unfortunately there are no easy answers.

  14. how sad. It must have been tough finding out she's gone forever... May she R.I.P.

  15. Thank you for all your sympathetic comments. I just shared minutes with her..I cant even imagine what her family and real friends are going through.

    @Mom - you are so right about the pressure to be happy this season. It can make one blue!!

    @Toinlicious - You got that right! Mental health and sadness are not the same. Having faith in God helps a lot...but you have to be strong enough in mind and soul to seek that help

    @Adura - Indeed. people are so impatient nowadays, wrapped up in their troubles that we tend not to see those reaching out to us.

    @Rustgeek - Awoof no dey run belle joo

  16. Everyone have their cross to carry...we just see them. We get deceived by their persona & they want us to see and then, something like suicide happens & all we can do is to retrospect & see signs & probable causes. I symphatise with you because I know it was more than losing a begin to lose your sense of clarity on certain issues/people. God Bless

  17. Very tragic!! So sorry for the loss of a young one, and may God comfort her Mum and entire family and friends and acquaintances like you who met her.

  18. Oh no these news on suicide these days is just so sad. I just finished reading about 2 other stories right now and at least 2 more in the past 1 week.

    Omg! What is it with people and taking their lives? God help us!!!

  19. Oh wow, I have no words for that... how horrible. How sad.... such a waste! :( I am so so sorry!

  20. oh no. how sad....
    and she was sooo pretty.

  21. God help us all..May her soul RIP..I pray God comforts her family..

  22. Oh my God, this is soooooo sad. What is it with suicide these days?, May God heal & help as many as are feeling that way right now, in Jesus, name. This is so sad, so sad. May her soul RIP. That someone is laughing doesn't mean they are happy ooo.... Chai!, It is well

  23. Suicide is such a horrible thing. More people than you know have toyed with the idea, but the ones who actually go ahead and do it... To think they could see no other way to end their misery. How incredibly sad.

    Praying for comfort for her family and friends.

  24. OMG! Poor Kat! RIP. She was so pretty too.

  25. Oh dear! RIP dearest girl. It's such a shame. But you see, she wasn't thinking about her mum or her sister whose lives will be changed forever...I guess sometimes, we get caught up in our own selves and our mini dramas.

  26. :( Oh no! This is terrible. In India too there was news of a girl killing herself after break up. It's such a waste of life, and such a pretty well educated girl. I feel so sorry for her mom and sister who would stay scarred forever....


  27. That is so sad. I've only been in this kind of situation once before. The kid that used to sit next to me in my Comp II class freshman year committed suicide right before thanksgiving. It was so unreal because he was his usual self in class just a day or two before. Its crazy how little we know about the people we see everyday. May she RIP!



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