Lord of the Ribs - Nigerian Style

So, I attended Basketmouth’s Lord of the Ribs show - a Nigerian comedy show, London edition - a while back and it was the bomb (blame this verdict on being starved of all things Nigerian)!!

To be honest I went ready to hang him on this blog. Basketmouth had vexed me at some previous encounter…..did I tell you of how I met the chap at Park ‘n Shop and thinking I should give respect to whom its due (unlike me), I walked towards him with a 100 megawatt smile and said ‘Hey Basketmouth… ‘ and the chap turned his back and bailed. Wtf? That was sooo rude. I mean… even if he'd wanted to stay incognito, he could have just smiled back, made a peace sign and move on. Not ignore me. Not bail- like I was some groupie or something?? sheesh

So I came ready to hate him, but hey the guy is good!!! He was more like the compere of the show and he managed it exceedingly well with wit, confidence and typical Naija style exchange with the crowd.

There was Tolu, Simcard, Buchi, Kevin J (a.k.a the white Nigerian) – that guy was something else. He has got Nigerian accents and mannerisms down to a pat. And really it was fun hearing a Brit do a mock-up of Naija antics from a cultural perspective. There was also Bovis, I Go Save and I Go Die.

There was a even an interview session with The now famous Adesina family. It is a reality show of a Nigerian (Yoruba) family living in London. Have you ever seen that program? I watched only one episode and didn’t it like it much. Why? Cause they were so culturally dysfunctional it hurt. Parents are living the African tradition of ‘Daddy knows it all’ while Kids are living the Western tradition of ‘I know what’s best for me’.

It kinda makes painful watching cause they parents are just plain bewildered half of the time wondering why their children especially the daughter – a 24 year old at that- is not a loving, obedient daughter as would have been the case back in Nigeria. From what I saw in that single episode, daughter was crying for her father's attention. She wanted him to say ‘I love you daughter no matter what. You have a place here.’ But Father just doesn’t get it. African fathers don’t say ‘I love you to disobedient, independent minded daughters’. 
So she goes on doing things that will shock him so he can notice her. It looked like a damn vicious circle.

I digress. I came up with some  'It’s only in Nigerian shows'.... style……motifs.

It is only in Naija shows that the program gives you a start time of 6pm while the show begins 2 hrs after. No apologies. They ended up rushing the last 2 acts who were supposed to be the best saved for last – I go die and Ice Prince- cause they had run outta time. That Nigerian time thing is just bad form.

It’s only in Naija shows that the artiste’s have to beg the audience to clap. Basketmouth had to beg the crowd – 'People, Pls, I beg, we are going to make this into a DVD, It would really be nice if you all acted like you are enjoying the show’. I sh*t you not. Thankfully they obliged him.

It is only in Naija shows that the audience come dressed as if for the Oscars. Naija peeps are fashionable I know but damn! I wore a cute top, jeans and flat shoes. 90% of the girls were in 6-inch red shoes and skimpy ass dresses. It was fun watching them shiver along to the tube after the show.

It is only in Naija shows that the people who paid for VIP seats (3x the price of the standard tickets) get the worst seats in the hall. It was so bad that one of them threw the comment at Basketmouth, 'We can't see what's happening on stage' and he retorted ‘You should have bought regular floor tickets’. I know we all laughed but hey…that’s not really funny. If I have paid good money to have the best listening and viewing seat, I wouldn’t have found that comment funny.

The running theme in the jokes was gold digging girls (yawn!), Brazilian wigs(bigger yawn!), Warri people (area!!) and how cold London is (coincidentally this was the first visit to the UK for over half of the comedy performers after numerous VISA rejections….lol). It is only in Naija that Visa success is a reason for public testimony giving.

Anyway I had a bellyful of laughter and I recommend Laughter as an excellent form of stomach exercise; belly-rumbling laughter. I must have burnt some 40 calories like that. When last did you have a bellyful of laughter??

Making it count

Liz Taylor is dead.

I wasn’t born in her time so I must admit that I never appreciated her as the great Hollywood actress she is supposed to be (I watched Cleopatra once but  was too young to be impressed by her talent).

What I was impressed by was her eight marriages and that she married one of the husbands twice. I always wondered what made Richard Burton so special that she was willing to do it again with him.

I was impressed by the air of glamour around her. The diamonds. ahh the diamonds. She was the epitome of  ‘Diamond are a girl’s best friend’. I heard she designed her collection mostly. Impressive. I loved the perfume line too. I think she was one of the first Hollywood to franchise her name and do it successfully. Correct me if I am wrong.

But more than all this, I was impressed by her unshakeable loyalty to her friends. Remember when all the chips were down for Michael Jackson in the 90s? She was one of the stars that stood unwaveringly by his side. I was so jealous that MJ could call her his best friend (why not me??). But I was also happy he had such a friend in that grim time

Bless their hearts. I hope they meet again.

She also stood by her friend Rock Hudson – one of the first celebrities to be diagnosed of AIDS – till his death. I didn’t know of her continued work with AmFAR (America Foundation for AIDS research) all these years, but reading it now I am even more impressed…and humbled.

Barbara Streisand said ‘she made her life count’ I heartily agree, cause in the end 8 husbands or 1, that’s what our lives should be about. Making it count.

At the other end of the spectrum, some people are making their fists count…..

Chris Brown appeared on "Good Morning America" Tuesday morning, and according to a report on TMZ, the singer had a pretty major meltdown after Robin Roberts questioned him about legal issues stemming from the assault on Rihanna. According to TMZ sources, Chris "freaked out" after the interview, "storming into his dressing room and screaming so loud, the people in hair and makeup became alarmed and called security." He also smashed a window in his dressing room  and by the time security arrived, "Brown had ripped off his shirt and left the building, blowing off another performance.

Can we really say Brown doesn’t have anger management issues after this??? Imagine what he could do to you if you were his current girlfriend and you mention Rihanna during a spat. I am ready to bet on him doing some bodily harm…again. My unapologetic opinion.

He really should have thought hard before he  raised his hand at a fellow star. I mean if it were some unknown face in the crowd, things would have died down …. unfair but true. But here we have a Rihanna who is in your face 24/7, releasing hits upon hits, looking fly and all. Sorry dude, you definitely hit the wrong girl.

Something about Rottisere chicken: there is something so exotic about the name. Am I the only one who salivates when you hear /see/read ‘rotisserie chicken’. I was imagining something all exotic and creamy and yummy and ……forgive…my imagination is better than words. Then I googled it. Rotisserie is a style of roasting where meat is skewered on a spit.  Huh?

Think of how your beef or chicken shawarma is cooked, on that turning stick, think of Papi’s chicken in Accra, think Sleek in VGC, Bob’s in Dolphin estate.  All of a sudden I am really hungering for shawarma. I don’t think its popular here *sadface*

Playing by Heart

Nothing like good old romance to get me in a good mood. I watched this movie last night - Playing By Heart (1998). For a star studded movie, I wonder why it didn't get much attention. There was Sean Connery, Gena Rowlands, Dennis Quaid, Madeleine Stowe, Ryan Phillipe, Gillian Anderson. All my fave men. I was hooked!!

The first scene began with Angelina Jolie and she plain blew me away. I have never seen her that animated, vivacious, ready smile. Her scenes were also the most amusing. Can you imagine that? Angelina Jolie amusing???This was Jolie before the Pitt. Before the edgy look. Before she became an action movie STAR , before she started watching her every move and became all sinews and bones and damn wooden.

PLOT - A son dying of AIDS, A scam artist, A local TV cook, A husband with brain cancer, a theatre director with emotional baggage, a determined man, an adulterous couple, a girl searching for love, a guy running from love. We are allowed to live awhile in each character's life and these lives which all seemed separate get to converge together into one tale. I won't tell you who was who. But I can tell you one thing, it was a thoroughly enjoyable romantic movie.

In a conversation where Joan (Jolie) complained about her ex boyfriend to Keenan (Phillipe), she said, 'I knew it wasn't going to work out cause the first time he comes over, I find out he sits down to pee'.

Lol. I don't know about you but I don't mind a guy that sits down to pee. It means there won't be quarrels over toilet seats staying up or down. It means the toilet seat and floor stays clean too. What do you think? Is it unmanly?

An Update of Sorts

Hi Blogfam,

End of term finally came on Friday and to celebrate I went on an internet detox. No FB, no blogging, no chat if I could help it, no mails. It was wonderful.  Just eating sleeping and getting meself some good old TLC.

Though I missed you all I knew I needed my sanity back. I’ve finally lost the bags under me eyes after sleeping for 9hrs at a stretch. My forehead acne is receding and hopefully I am through with misplacing things..:)

So how have you all been? Keeping healthy I hope. Had a good gander at my legs on Saturday and realized they are looking haut! All the winter sheathing in jeans and tights has got the skin looking fairer and feeling softer but also hairier..….

The stress and bad meals have got my stomach flat (no gym or weight watchers for me), and the Body Shop Tea Tree cosmetic range from my girlfriend Loh (She is a body shop consultant check her facebook page here) has got my blemishes fleeing back whence they came from. The fade lotion contains Tamanu oil which I hear is wonderful for skin, Amen to that!)

So yay, bring it on Spring/Summer I am ready for ya!!! Just need to go shopping for some cute shorts like this ….

Image from Styleguru.org

 Watched Kickass for the fifth time this weekend, Taken for the first time. Great action movies for those who hate romance like Adiya!!

And if you love romance, gotta plug you in to this movie ‘Playing by heart’! Review coming up soon.

Well, I am off to catch up on all your lives last week. Hope I haven’t missed much.

Love you berry, berry much..

I know a Ponzi Scheme when I see one

So I got this message in my FB inbox from a girlfriend who I haven’t spoken to in awhile. It said:

What impact would an extra #27million make in your life?
This is one investment scheme that you don’t have to work so much, you don’t have to sell products and your start up funds is as little as #10,000.
Come let’s make some millions without stress and very low risk.

All you need do is register with a #10,000 which you pay into your 7 upliners account yourself and the remaining #3,000 into the coordinating company's account which is used for their admin. costs, staff welfare etc.
Then you're expected to bring in four persons who would equally register with #10,000 again and make the payments into their upliner accounts including yours, at that stage you're getting your #1,000 from the four persons giving you a total of #4,000 into your account instantly.

The 1st stage you're giving out #10,000
at the 2nd stage you're receiving #4,000 with your 4 persons
at the 3rd stage you receive #16,000 with your 4*4 downlines
4th stage you receive #64,000 with your 4*4*4 downlines

10^th stage you receive #27 million with your 4*4*4*4*4*4*4*4*4 downlines etc etc

It’s simple mathematics, it’s very easy.
Its low risk because by the second stage you have made twice what you started with 4k + 16k.

Low risk of embezzlement cause you don’t pay in the lump sum of #10,000 into the company's account.
Low investment start up #10,000. This is what we use up on an average day.

Assuming it was a hacker or fraudster and seeing one or two names from my friend list on the thread, I responded to all with this …

Hi, I am hoping the originator of this mail is a hacker not friend XYZ. This is what is called a PYRAMID/PONZI SCHEME. It is a non-sustainable business model that involves promising participants payment, services or ideals, primarily for enrolling other people into the scheme or training them to take part, rather than supplying any real investment or sale of products or services to the public. PYRAMID SCHEMES ARE A FORM OF FRAUD.

Sadly the mail was actually from girlfriend XYZ and she wrote back to me with this

Ginger dear, How are you? Babes, I can never indulge in something ruthless or fraudulent coming from my background as an ex-financialist.
I verified who the owners and coordinators were before I joined, I also verified if they had EFCC and CBN approvals which all results came positive.
Their mission is to alleviate poverty, to help people start up or expand in their various businesses. You and I know how difficult it is for banks to give out loans easily for even genuine business men & women because its coming from an average man.
Unlike other schemes, this is so transparent. You are not giving any lump sum of money to any company who you may have fears would embezzle your money. You pay directly to your uplines account, so the money is coming to you there. No hanky panky. lastly all networking schemes are based on a pyramid model. It becomes fraudulent when a central point controls the funds in this instance it’s not the case.
I know a couple of people who have done this biz and succeeded immersely!!!

I do appreciate the fact that she did not take umbrage. After all I was literally pouring san-san in her garri (making her look bad) but I reserve my judgment. I know a Ponzi scheme when I see one.

One gullible friend brings in 4 gullible friends, 4 gullible friends bring in 16 gullible friends etc. Soon, new recruits become impossible, the bottom becomes saturated easily and new influx of money and gullible friends decreases rapidly. When that happens, the business is as good as closed down. Only those at the top who got in early have their money back + profits, while newer recruits lose even their capital. That is the weak link of Pyramid schemes, no matter how genuine or transparent it looks.....so long as it is not based on actual exchange of goods and services, IT IS GUARANTEED TO FAIL. I am amazed that my friend an -ex banker is involved in this. I am also amazed that the EFCC and CBN approved of it. Anyway, knowing Nigeria, their approval doesn't mean much, cause they have never looked out for the common man. Anyway that's my humble opinion.

2007 witnessed the collapse of Pyramid Schemes in Nigeria a.k.a Wonder Banks -Nospecto, BlueAcres, TravelClub etc. I know a number of people who lost all their savings with these organisations when CBN and EFCC closed their shops - customers of the bank, my colleagues, even my Sister. I would have been a victim too if not that I ran the idea by my then Boss - Ali. This was his saving answer  - "A fool and his money are soon parted".

Do be careful people.

Read all about Pyramid schemes here

A Smile a Day

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" 

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Deliverance needed part II (The party)

So I went to London over the weekend. Loh a girlfriend from undergrad was throwing a party for her one year old Ka. Loh loves parties. If she could throw a party every month, she would.

I needed a trip to London like I needed a tooth drill.

But I knew (i)she would appreciate friends being there for her (ii) I still had leftover guilty conscience from missing her wedding (iii)It sounded like fun (iv)It was an opportunity to recruit her Nigerian women friends for my impending dissertation. (Hey, this is a shout out - if you know any Nigerian woman living in the UK, who is pregnant or was pregnant within 2009 till date and is willing to chat about her pregnancy, pls send me an email!).

Her house was filled with family members and guests who were sleeping over. At last count we were 14. 6 children and 8 adults. I had to sleep in the living room with another girlfriend S. She chose a half inflated air bed to sleep in (warning, if someone tells you its as comfy as a water-bed, punch em!). I slept on the sofa with a duvet cover.

I was woken up at 6am by a voice coming from somewhere in the house. A female voice saying her prayers very loud. The prayers lasted a good 60mins. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t sleep, I could only listen echoing her Amens. I have forgotten all about Nigerian pentecostal-type loud prayers…sigh.

7.25 am - Loh came downstairs with bleary eyes, complaining about the wake-up prayers. It seems Aunty Prayer was a newbie to Britain (36 hrs old in UK) so she is yet to acclimatize. lol. Talk about neighbors making a complaint to the police.

Kids, kids everywhere. Crying, asking pesky questions. Making a mess. Being kids.

9am - Loh and I corn-rowed her older daughter’s hair. Then beaded it. 2hrs. You don't want the stress of corn-rowing a fidgety 2.5 yr old’s hair. Suffice to say a pack of chocolate pacifiers finished.

11.30am - Dashed off for a brief Mass at the nearest church with Loh’s brother.

12.30pm - Back again.

12.40pm - Corn rowed Birthday girl’s hair. It was easier cause her hair was short.

1.00pm – Clear out the living rooms. One was for the kids. The other was for the men (Arsenal was playing Birmingham….)

1.20pm - Decorate! Decorate! Pump balloons, stickers, twinklers. A lot of pink and Minnie mouse thingies.

1.55pm - The food arrived – fried rice, jollof rice, egusi, pounded yam, nkwobi and pepper soup. Small chops a.k.a Nigerian style hordoeurves were there – puff puff, mini-meat pies, mini sausage rolls. Lotsa drinks of choice.

2pm - Party officially begins.

2.45pm - Guests start arriving

3.10pm  - S and I shower and dress - We should have just won uniforms cos we were the unofficial ushers....lol

5pm – It’s a full House. Note -that weird phenomena called Nigerian time. Where 2pm means one and a half hours later….

All in all, it was a great party. Birthday girl stayed happy-smiley all day...unlike her.

So the drama of the ticket began later in the evening. I had to return to Durham that Sunday night cause I had a not-to-be-missed class on Monday at 10am.

My train was for 9pm and it gets to Durham at 0.17am. I got it for 20.60pounds. Thank you EastCoast!

I discovered the absence of my railroad pouch containing said return tickets, my rail card, my oyster card at about 6pm. Search, search. Too many guests in the house. Especially the living room where I was convinced the pouch was.

Search, search

6.15pm - Discovered I was missing my flash drive pouch too.

Search search

7.45pm - Found flash drive pouch in Loh bro’s car.

8pm - I should have been on my way to Kings Cross station. But no pouch/ticket.

I thought to keep looking till 9. Maybe take the last train at 10pm which will get me to Durham at 1.50am.

9pm - No dice. More guests had left. Those left tried to help.

9.20pm - Loh’s hubby convinced me to sleep over saying “Everything looks better in the morn”.

10am - Clean and clear after party debris, more searching..

12am – after-party gist with Loh

2am - Bathed in readiness for travel. Slept

5.30am - Nope, It didn't look better in the morning. I gotta go.

5.54am - Off to Woodgreen station

6.03am - Asked the ticket guy about lost and found items. No luck. Bought tube tickets.

6.35am - At King’s cross

6.40am - Checked fast ticket to London – 147 pounds. Didn’t believe my eyes.

6.43am - Went to ticket guy to confirm – yes 147 pounds. With a railcard, 94 pounds. I didn't have 147 pounds. Nor did I have a rail card.

6.44am - Started crying

6.45am - Phone battery gave a croak and died as I tried to call Loh. No charger. No communication. No UK numbers known off hand.

6.50am - Off to Victoria Coach Station

7.15am – Check notice board. First Coach to Newcastle leaves at 9am. Arrives Newcastle - 7hrs after at 15.40. Price 44pounds.

I am definitely going to miss my not-to-be missed class, miss my assignment deadline, give myself some new backache and gotten 56 pounds poorer.

15.14pm – Coach actually drives past Durham. Wtf? And takes me to its scheduled stop 40 mins away in Newcastle. Sigh.

15.56pm - Arrive Newcastle

16.10pm – locate my nearest Bank branch

16.40pm – Take train to Durham

16.56pm - Durham, Durham

17.10pm  -Grocery shopping at Tesco wherein I misplace my ATM card :(.

18.15pm – Finally in my room

18.20pm – Plug in phone

18.40pm – Switch on phone

18.41 pm – msg from Loh – sent at 7.30am – ‘Call me when you get this. We’ve seen your railcard. Hurray!!!

18.55pm - (after smashing my head on the desk) I send a reply – where did you find it?

18.59pm  - Inside the duvet cover you slept in.

I hate myself.

The Kids are alright

Plot: A lesbian couple have reached some knotty midlife phase in their marriage. On the surface everything looks alright - Nic (Annette Bening)the breadwinner is a successful doctor and very sure of her place in the world. Jules (Julianne Moore) the housewife isn't as sure – she feels unappreciated by Nic and she’s not a success at starting a personal business. Their otherwise good kids in their bid to untangle the mystery of their birth, introduce a 5^th wheel into the close family = their sperm donor Paul (Mark Ruffalo). What do you think happens when an unappreciated housewife meets an appreciative man??

The director of this movie Lisa Cholodenko has to be given a thumbs up for compelling viewers to confront the controversial topic of gay marriage wearing a kinder pair of lens.

Great points - If they were trying to sell lesbian marriage (actually they weren’t) they did it excellently. This was my first time of seeing or imagining the internal workings of a gay family. And guess what I found? It is similar with other love and life experiences. Betrayal means the same. It hurts as much. Trust is vital. Forgiveness is divine. Relationships are hard work!

You also gotta give the movie points for being grounded in strong family ideals - perfect teenage kids who play Scrabble with their friends, respect their parents, the 17yr old daughter had to get drunk before she had the nerve to kiss her crush!!

I think the female perspective was also illuminating. Nothing like women to know how to be tender, selfish, hurtful and hurting all at this same time.

I loved and sympathized with dear potential home wrecking Paul(didn't you love that sexy blend of laid-backtitude and success?) who thought all his bread had been buttered at one go - Hot wife - Readymade children. No sire, you don't reap a harvest just cause you sowed a teaspoon of sperm - admitted it was excellent genetic material...

The performances of the five main characters were terrific. Nic especially (Bening). During that face off towards the end between her and Paul, one couldn’t help but acknowledge that she was the alpha male fighting for her territory. She was the man!

No wonder she was a ringer for the best actress award.

Looking back ‘The Kids are alright’ had a strong suit for the best picture Academy award (they won best picture - comedy in the Golden globes). It wasn’t as exhilarating/feel-good as The King’ s speech. It was about a perfectly imperfect family. The kind that look good on the outside but have hidden murky undertones. The kind you see every day. It was about parents that realize that though they are not perfect they have managed to raise Kids who are alright. It’s an important blessing to acknowledge.

I think even Sarah Palin can’t find much to fault about this movie.

Ginger scores it 7/10

p.s.  So over to the guys….I would love to be a fly in Elton John and partner’s home.

p.p.s This is not a criticism but heck I wouldn’t want to be raised by two hormonal women… Imagine growing up with your mom and her bff!!

p.p.p.s – Was Nic supposed to be bisexual? If no, then her adulterous liaison with Paul feeds into the stereotype of lesbians being man-starved despite appearances. IMO.

Ginger goes Native

I corn-rowed my own hair 2 nights ago. I hadn't planned on letting the corn-rowed hair see the light of day (I have a variety of wigs duh).

But my friend Dan came on an impromptu visit, saw my naked hair (cos I couldn’t be bothered to get a wig on) and he was like ‘hmmm pretty’. I've heard the same in class today.

Nothing like compliments to give you confidence…

So guess what?

I am staying corn-rowed till end of term!!!

Deliverance needed!

Dear Deliverer, Prayer Warrior, Priestess,

I need to be delivered of the spirit of forgetfulness/carelessness. 

What do you need?

The tooth of a chameleon? The tail of a Cheshire cat? Cinderella’s white slipper? A Cross? Jerusalem Holy Water?

Ask and I shall find…

Yours Sincerely

Ginger.

p.s. Criteria required of Deliverer –

Any member of Mountain and Fire Ministries, Nigeria

An alumnus of Hogwarth’s school of Witchcraft and Wizardry (minus Voldemort and cohorts)

Alumnus of Okija Shrine

Any Catholic Priest

Any Pentecostal Pastor

Any Haitian Voodoo priestess

Resume must also show that you have performed this type of deliverance successfully. Please state email and number of 'deliverees' who are willing to be your reference.

Seriously people I have had a most miserable week. I misplaced my flash drive on Thursday. Thankfully I located it at the library on Friday

I misplaced my railcard pouch which contained my railcard(this is one of the best gifts UK gives its students. It slashes 30% of your train tickets), my Oyster card (another great transport freebie which reduces your tube fair by 16%) and my return tickets to Durham (I was in London for the weekend). Gist follows after the exorcism.

Monday – I misplaced my gloves

Tuesday- I misplaced my flash drives again. This time 2. I knew I had forgotten them in the library but how careless can I get? Those flash drives contained my assignment.

Wednesday – I have just realised my debit card is missing. Last used on Monday at Tesco. Tesco said it’s not with them. Bank has assured me that no unauthorised withdrawals have been made. I think its somewhere in my room but where?

One more search then I call for a new one tomorrow. Hoping I don't discover another missing item by then....

Tell me people, don’t I need prayers?