Monday, December 17, 2012

Mr and Mrs Somebody

Hey People!!
How are you? Much love and thanks to y'all.

About the last post, I really hope it didn't come out like I was complaining or whining.
I wasn't. I love them kids to bits. Especially Monsieur 16. I was truly wondrous at how moms cope. How they balance love for child, husband, career and time for self. That's all.

So, 2012 has got only 14 more days to go. December has been great. Its first two weeks has redeemed the past 11 months of waiting. To God be the Glory! News coming up soon.

So as my GF pulled and primped and sewed up my hair yesterday, we watched a couple of Nollywood movies (bonding moments eh!).

Here comes the reviews

Mrs. Somebody

So I finally got around to watching this movie starring Uche Jumbo (Kaira), Yemi Blaq, Kenneth Okoli (Dapo), Bobby Obodo (Charles), Belinda Effah (Ada), and Barbara Sokey.
First off, can I say that I had my fill of eye candy(male and female) in this movie. Kudos Nollywood. I don't know if it was just the camera but all the ladies skin were aglow! Golly, I need their secrets. 2013 is my yeah of glowing skin Amen somebody!!
Following a series of self inflicted bad relationships , a desperate, fire and brimstone breathing, probably mentally unstable Singleton, Kaira, gives up on love and marriage to focus on herself. As she finds her confedence and ends the vicious cycle of love and disappointment, she finally finds the love her heart yearns for.

-Bobby Obodo
-Perfect Romantic Comedy. Kaira's prayer warrior ways might seem excessive atimes but when viewed under the lens of romcom it can be forgiven. Think 'Ugly Truth', 'Leap Year', Bounty Hunter'. Romcom's may have a message but they are not movies expected to be taken too seriously.

-Bobby Obodo!

-Like I mentioned before great eye candy cast. I couldn't take my eyes off Ada's body in her trademark shorts (No homo). Uche Jombo's hair made some great apperances. She/it looked perfectly delish in the second date with Charles. Only just realized how short that babe is!

-Bobby Obodo 
He was the perfect last man standing. Twinkling eyes, great smile and playful charm, perfect foil to the 'strong faces' of Kenneth Okoli and Yemi Blaq. I can almost bet you that Bobby played himself….my kind. Golly, I'm in love! I need a hook up!

Not So Wow
A few continuity issues…nothing earth shattering.
-Did Kaira have a car? Kaira had a car in a one or two scenes and in the most important scene she suddenly didn't have a car.
-Kaira was supposed to be a working girl but I never knew what it was. Anybody know?
-No continuity with girlfriends especially the ones seen in the 1st half of movie. Interestingly in the credit they were called Kaira's girlfriend 1, 2 and 3.
I liked the last one though - Tricia (Tamara). She reminded me of me some years back with her….'give him a chance'.
-The baby plot between Dapo and Ada got a raised eyebrow but nothing I couldn't gulp down with water.
- The ending could have come with a slide show of the wedding where she finally wears her gown, She pregnant, maybe another with a baby.... you know...scenes of happily ever after. 
-A few wooden acting and fake accents….goes with the territory eh? lol.
-Bobby Obodo's goatee. There was this dig Kaira made about his goatee and tattoo at their first meeting that had me chortling. Good one!
*Bobby be warned....I am handy with a blade.

Altogether a cool movie from the stables of Nollywood. If you love chick flicks, you'll love this. I like!
Mr and Mrs

Now Mr and Mrs was a whole different kettle of fish.
Susan Abah (Nse Ikpim Ete) is the perfect wife. Her husband Ken (Joseph Benjamin)feeds on freshly cooked food three times a day. She meets his demands in bed even when she is not up for it. she waits on him hand and foot. She does not speak back. In fact she is the perfect slave-wife.
But rather than undying gratitude and appreciation, her husband emotionally abuses her.

An opportunity to end this farce of a marriage comes one day, when he threatens her with a divorce. She calls his bluff and agrees but does not sign the papers secretly because she had other plans. She wanted her man back. The man she fell in love with 16 yrs ago when they met in the University. She said she knew his heart like she knew hers. He still loved her and she him. Their marriage will not fail.

Her strategy to win him back? Bring the sexy back in her dressing, starve him of the cuisine he had grown accustomed to, have flirtatious phone conversations in his presence and buy a king size vibrator (great tips..tic)
Did her strategy work? Did she get her man back? Watch and find out.

-The directing was excellent. Well done to the Director! I loved the second scene of the movie. When he came down to take breakfast. I guess that was where they showed the first inkling of the Susan who was bidding her time.

-I admire Nse. there's this something about aura of the regal. She is a good actress, enunciates clearly and I can appreciate the effort she put in this movie. Ken was a great supporting act too…but can I note that I tire of Nigerian men acting 'husband roles'. There is a distinct difference in them when they act boyfriend and husband roles. They tend to imbue husband roles with this authoritative 'lord of the manor' air that positively grates on my nerves. So only boyfriends are allowed to be playful and charming? I tire o.

-Nse's friend (Thelma Okodua)'s marriage was a perfect add-on. I think her husband (Paul Apel) perfectly depicted his role of an exasperated but passive hubby (typical Naija man) who loves his wife but was okay with getting his needs from another. There was certainly a lesson in that plot. I'm not against a woman having a career but I agree that it gotta be balanced.

-I also liked how Kate -the help's issue was sorted. She was not unnecessarily blamed or made out to be the breaker of their home.

Not So Wow
The plot had a number of worrying holes.
-I didn't understand that sharp change from long-suffering, emotionally abused desperate nice wife to sexy saucy 'I want my husband' ninja wife. They treated a serious issue much too lightly…cavalierly in fact. It practically happened over Nse couldn't wait to be rid of her dour 'abused woman' facade to become a chic again lol.
-The vibrator scenes were uber irrelevant. I'm guessing the directors put it in to titillate or annoy. The latter worked for me.
-My greatest problem with this movie was the messages. Eg. the exchange between Nse and her lawyer where Nse says that if a marriage fails, a woman has failed. Noo, the man and woman in it have failed. It takes two. It takes two.
-Also while I have said I love the side plot, It would have been cool if the script had addressed 'communication problems'. At no point did they show Thelma's husband discuss his wife's continued absence with her. Rather he whined a bit and took the easy road to resolving his issues…sleep with the help. It takes two. It takes two.

While I do not agree with some of the messages, I do think It's definitely a good conversation starter for women. Good script. Great directing. Cool soundtrack. Nollywood has come a long way with picture quality. Thumbs up!

P.S. I went hunting for Michael Bobby Obodo's info online. Interesting profile here. Aspiring politician, Boxer, Activist, Writer and Actor. Curiouser and curiouser. Seems he has a strong Ghana fan base. Naija what's up?
P.P.S. Can somebody tell him to get some professional pix out there. Haba! This picture of him demolishing a plate of food is unacceptable.
Or the one above with the one-eyed squint. 

Said with all the love burning in my heart :)

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I Dont Know How They Do It

You hear a faint mumbling and intelligible talk then full on attention seeking crying, naaa naaa.
You hear an adult sigh and door opening.
Crying stops
Coming towards your room
Your door squeaks as a short UWO (unidentified walking object) tries to pull down the handle
By then you are fully awake,
You listen to its grunts with glee thinking…Come on!!! give up!
It doesn’t.
Door opens.
You can feel it starring at the mound that’s you under the duvet
You hear the hesitant  ‘Anthi’ 'Anthi' or 'Nonnnii'
You sigh inside and struggle to stop that love Oxytocin from flowing
Then he lifts your duvet and reaches for your hair
You quickly sit up..and beam 'Good morning my love' to Monsieur 16months
He responds with a giggle and a more confident ‘ANTHI!!!’
Duty done waking you, He continues on his mission,
Next stop: his siblings’ room
Squeak, grunt, door opens
Screams ‘Mommy/Anthi/Daddy, Monsieur 16 is pulling my hair’
Its official. It is morning.
Somebody gimme aspirin. Its gonna be a long day.          

You lie back in bed, trying to talk with God, plan your day with ears cocked (to hear slaps or banned words)so you can arbitrate fairly when complaints come - which is every 10 mins.

Then you hear the toilet flush once, twice in succession.
Monsieur 16!!
Now you really have to get up.
Monsieur 16 thinks toilet flushing is the 9th wonder of the world (8th wonder is the washing machine)
7.15 bath time is announced
7.20 you re cajoling Monsieur 6 to come and bathe
7.25 you give up and tell the biddable Madam4 to come and bathe instead
7.27 Madam 4 and Monsieur 6 are fighting over who will be first in the bathroom
7.29 Madam 4 wins with Aunty admonishing Monsieur 6, “you snooze, you loose”
7.30 you bathe Madame 4 to the accompaniment of Monsieur 6’s wailing
“I wanta be first”
7.40 Sulky Monsieur 6 bathes
7.48 its Rub Ude time
Repeat steps above
8. 05 Dress up time
Repeat steps above

“I want Cocopops”. “I want cheerios”
Dish Coco pops. Dish Cheerios
“Aunty, I want Coco pops. Don’t like Cheerios”
Nigerian Aunty announces – “Pity. You shall eat what is before you. And you are lucky. When I was a little girl I didn’t have choices. I eat what I’m given”
Blank stares as heaving mouths chew.

Pots clang
Monsieur 16 months thinks he is a chef (bless him).
Must write that letter to the pot makers. Glass cover is the bomb! Can withstand WW3
You take the pots away. Put them back in kitchen cupboard.
Poke a finger in his face saying Nooo Noo
Turn back to supervise breakfast eaters
Pots clang
Repeat steps till he tires of ‘game’
School time.
Klds march to car with dad
“Bye Aunty. I love you”
“Bye Kids I love you” (and under your breathe “but I hope you get adopted for the next 4 years by aliens”)
It’s now you and Le’ Monsieur 16
Bath time. 4mins
Dress up time 4mins
Breakfast. 6 spoons of Cerelac. 65mins. Accompanied by Aunty singing, dancing, clowning interspersed with ‘Monsieur16 S w al low your food.
Or Aunty physically keeping his mouth shut to prevent deliberate dribble.
Meal over.
Clean mouth
Clean table
Clean floor
Clean self
Acknowledge post-breakfast parcel in nappy.
Leave Happy Baby in front of TV singing
'Sam is the hero next door'

Time to do some work
Open up laptop
Pots clang. Run downstairs.
Carry him up the room
Wait for aged laptop to boot
You hear a faint ringing sound.
Heyo! Heyo!
Run after Monsieur to take your phone and end the call.
Type in naijamuminlondon.blogspo…
Toilet flushes
Run to toilet to find a wet monsieur. Change clothes
Imprison him on your bed
Try to read a post while holding an octopus.
A tiny finger steals towards the keyboard
You push it back saying Noo
Continue reading
Good gist. Click on comment
Type one or two sentences
Notice Blank Blackscreen
You hear a giggle next to you
Monsieur 16 pressed the power button
You struggle between hitting your head on the wall and knocking his on the wall
You imprison him in your arms
Sleep time
And to show example. You close your eyes…this is the way you sleep
15 mins later
You wake up from your short nap
Monsieur is still in your arms, playing with his fingers while 
peering at you at intervals.

Its feed time again
one spoon, 2, 3, 5, 6 Monsieur closes sleepy eyes
Noo you little imp. This is eat time. You had your chance
Aunty wins
Monsieur 16 and 'Anthi'
Its Meal time

Meal time over
No sleepy eyes
Put laptop on again
Face personal chores*
Play with baby in between he is a baby afterall
Put on Cartoonito
Sing ‘Sam is the hero next door’
Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora
Illogical crying. Wailing.
Sleep time
Aunty bathes
Prepares lunch  - Noodles
School kids return
What’s for lunch Aunty asks Monsieur 6
Yay. I like Noodles Madame 4
Yuck, I don’t like Noodles Monsieur 6
“Miss Granger said they are bad for you”
Me too.I don’t like noodles Madame 4
Evil eye at Monsieur6
You don’t have a choice
You shall eat Noodles
They eat Noodles
I love Noodles Monsiuer 6
Can I have more pls
Aunty 1: Mrs Granger 0
Make a note to tell teacher to stop poisoning children’s mind towards food. Hissss
Monsiuer16 awakes
Screams of Hello Monsieur 16. I missed you.
Sweet sibling reunion
Monsieur 16 walks to kitchen
Monsieur 16 smells noodles
Illogical crying and tugging of Aunty’s pants
Monsieur 16 wants noodles
Plonk him in his chair
Give him a forkful
Monsieur 16 clamps mouth tight
Reaches for fork
He wants to feed himself
You leave him with it
5 mins after
Noodle strings on mouth, in hair, on chair, on the floor
Monsieur 6 and Madame 4 are laughing hysterically
You take away noodles
Clean baby
Clean table
Clean wall
Clean floor
Promise cookies to who finishes first
Lunch over
Cookies (you think they’ll forget?!)
Put on Cartoonito
Return to laptop
“Aunty what are you doing?”
Question is repeated 3 more times.
Change tactics…this time with arms around your neck
“Are you working on your laptop?”
Question is repeated 3 more times.
“Is this your laptop?’
“No it is Peppa pig’s laptop Madame 4”
“No Aunty, it is YOUR laptop and you are working on it”
Under breathe (So why did you ask?)

20 mins of peace

Mobile phone rings
Its bestie from Nigeria
You settle down to have your first adult conversation of the day
Tug tug on trouser hem
Aunty, can Madame 4 have a snack?!!
(translate: I want a snack)
Make ‘go away motion’
Aunty! Aunty! Each Aunty increasing in crescendo
Can Madame 4 have a snack?!!
Stalk to Kitchen and grab a wooden spatula
Wave it threateningly
Go to Toilet.
Lean against door
“Aunty are you there?”
Open the door I want to talk to you
Repeat as many times as required till Aunty opens the door.

Snack time
Quiet time (now you know why we have obese kids)
Spilt juice
Clean up

Snack over
Fights begin
Naughty corner

Its 6pm
Mom is back

I dont wanna sleep yet. A little TV pls?
Bedtime story pls?
Bedtime story is read
Bedtime Snack pls?
Scuffle is heard.
Mommy, he is calling me silly
Mommy, she is calling me silly
BEDTIME!! Threaten with wooden spatula.


Sound of pots clanging
Monsiuer 16!!
When I said my life wasn't mine in this post. This is what I meant (Hugs Atilola n' Tizzle). These little aliens have taken over my life. How do you moms do it?
*Meanwhile I still have a full time job as a job applicant searching and applying and a part time one with odd hours - Tuesday is the new Sunday - I'm thankful though. Then there is my rss feed full of unread blogs, post drafts, Phd applications to write, friends beeping me on Whatsapp. Read Books, Watch movies..What's that?
Most times by the time their mom comes home after my day of child care, I am so frustrated. I am thinking, "why didn't you stop after one"? 
And the poor woman must have had a full day at work too. Don't forget there is also a husband to attend to too (luckily she is blessed by a most house-friendly hubby). but He has needs too (cough cough). 
That reminds me, who is a friend of Elnathan John on facebook? There was an interesting status about marital rape two days ago. Nwunye and a certain Iyabo were on fire lol. Chop knuckle lovely ladies!

Anyway, my dreams of wanting 4 kids has shrunk to 3. To 2. lol. How have you been Blogfam? Hugs and Kisses 

*Nonni - Mommy


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