Thursday, June 14, 2012

Rules of Engagement btw Exes and Girlfriends

I’ve always been of the view that I WILL NOT STAND in love’s way if my ex-boyfriend and my girlfriend/best friend hit it off. That it didn’t work out with us doesn’t mean it can’t work out with her right?
There are a few conditions though:
  • He mustn’t be an ex that treated me badly or hurt me cos I’ll either be over-protective of my girl thinking he might break her heart too or it might hurt me to see him treat her so sweet when he was a lowdown-dirty-scoundrel to me.
  • They mustn’t have started dating when he and I were supposed to be an item – in other words, he mustn’t have cheated on me with her.
  • To avoid all suspicion, the relationship should start at least 6 months post break up.
  • One of them should at least have the courtesy to tell me before I hear it on the grapevine. Yeah awkward much but surely not earth shattering. Infact I should be told before the first date if the girl is truly a friend. E.g. She can say “hey, I met up with XYZ a week ago and we’ve been talking since. He asked me out to dinner tomorrow. You are not asking my permission, you are just informing me and giving me time to come to terms with this new status.
Have you seen this movie? Great plot about friendship, betrayal and ambition
My magnanimity has been tested and I can tell you freely, it wasn’t easy. There were some initial negative thoughts: Hurt (after everything I did for him, it’s ABC he wants), Suspicion (hope it wasn’t cause of her he broke off with me), Jealousy (I know she is prettier, richer, more wifely than me). Finally Truth makes an appearance.
You remember the real reasons you broke up – his farting, his immaturity and general incompatibility. You admit to yourself that he was really a nice guy but just not your type. He never made your skin tingle. Then you tell that part of your heart that keeps a tally of boyfriends to delete his file and remember his details no more. 
You may even call him up and tease him mercilessly of how you are going to burn his cable with her.
Quite Easily Done.

So it was with great shock that I read this post on Temiville’s blog (Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict) where a lady seduced her friend’s boyfriend of two years and had the added temerity to not only justify her actions by saying her friend was slow, she asked same friend to be her chief bridesmaid for old times sake!
Girlfriend just broke all my rules listed above!! And I am a most generous girlfriend.

I don’t have issues with them ‘falling in love and deciding to wed’. I honestly don’t think in her heart of hearts the first gf wanted him. Moreover if he could be that easily seduced then I prefer to say good riddance. It was the cheating, the opportunism, the secrecy and pretence that got my goat.
I will just delete their numbers from my contact list, facebook, bb forever and ever. Who needs friends like these really?

Come to think of it there are a few other unwritten girlfriend codes directed by love and commonsense, but alas those two are scarce commodities innit?

  1. If you meet my man somewhere and both of you actually stop to exchange niceties – make sure you tell me asap, i.e. the next time we talk or chat, not 3months down the line, when something crops up and you'll say, “I remember what happened that day we met at Lekki” and I have to ask ‘What, how, when”. Suspicious much.
  2. If you want a business date with my husband, maybe you are a banker and you want to wheedle him for deposits for your bank, common sense demands that you inform me girlfriend! I might even be nice and tell you the right time to ambush him or I might give him a ‘lil somethin’ the night before to sweeten him up. But don’t just call him and arrange a meeting business or otherwise without passing it through me, Mrs Wife/Ms Girlfriend. If by chance #2 happens – maybe you were at Zenith bank Head office and they were giving you a hard time, then you had an epiphany ‘let me call Ginger’s husband to help me out, #1 applies once again.
  3. If we have issues, we settle it between us girls; unless I have vowed to take your case up at Okija shrine, then you have good reason to be alarmed. But if we are quarrelling over asoebi, jewelry, bags of rice and you carry our petty quarrel over to my hubby to make me look bad or in a spirit of camaraderie, you tell him about my drunken days as an undergrad when I have told him I was a Deeper Life member. Hmmm, your days are numbered.
  4. You really don’t need to have my boo’s phone number do you? Oh well, I understand I might go missing and you get worried or you see my 5 yr old smoking on the street and you feel alarmed enough to call one of us, ok then. But not that you call my hubby at whim to say oh, long time I have missed you..o__0 but why?? or send him a text anytime after 8pm or buy him a birthday present more expensive than what I got for him etc. mind yaself o.
  5. There’s an exception though: On this one occasion you are allowed to call my boo without my knowledge and as many times as you want – You catch him leaving room 234 of Sheraton Hotel with a woman who does not look like me. Kindly steal his number from my phonebook if you don’t already have it, call him, text him (I know what you did last Thursday type) threaten him and make him swear by his unborn children that thunder will strike his dingalong the next time he cheats on me.   And like the best friend you are, please don’t let me know. 
  6. On the other hand. I am actually undecided. To know or not to know?

So people what do you think and just wondering, do these rules apply to guys?

44 comments:

  1. Love you die! I am at work laughing like a loon. First of all, you're a better woman than I am. I DO NOT date friends' exes (probably why I am not married) and I will thank them not to date mine. It is the ultimate betrayl because try as you might, you will not be able to shake the feeling that they were eyeballing themselves behind you the whole time. My opinion. Luuurrrvvvee number 3. It's got me written all over it! Number 4....hmmmm... had two friends that fell out over this. One's fiancee (now husband) is a doctor. The other had some problems with her hoohaa and the first allowed her to speak to her fiancee about it and she now wanted to turn it to a habitual thing; always calling the guy up without his girl running interference anymore, with hoohaa-related problems. We all had to shout her down. I mean...eeeewwww! right? Sorry for the epistle. Enjoyed this post.

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    1. Cherrykoko, now you have got me laffing. I thoughtof you as i wrote this cause this is your forte lol!
      Wait, my girlfriend is discussing her hooha with my husband? Mba! No! my generousity doesnt extend to that oo. Ewwwwww.

      You are not married cause you dont date your friend's exes? lol. I do understand. It seems its very easy for guys to move from friend to friend isnt it? My reasons are different though.
      e.g. My bff gave me her blessing to hook up with this suitor of hers. The thing is, the guy while 'courting her' ran interference through me as my friend didnt pay him much attention (her heart was otherwise engaged), so i was extra nice to him. We actually became closer than he ever was with my girl but i couldnt shake off the feeling that i was second-best so..shrug.

      Delete
    2. I'm with Ginger on the hooha thing o. SMH vigorously Make she waka go look for another Doctor. My husband ke? Naa. It ain't going to happen.

      Delete
    3. UH?????hoo-gini?!!! KJRRJ Ko joo rara joo!!!

      Delete
    4. So shocked you are speaking in tongues Honeydame? lol

      Delete
  2. HAHAHAHAHA,I am rolling oh,nne you are definitely standing in their way with all these rules oh,I don't if I'd come up with all these rules if MY BF or GF starts something,but husband..well,I've always been the type to show guys that I don't care about their BS and I am not jealous,I believe if you're worth it,then I'd bother :) LOVELY POST

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    1. Thanks Gretel,
      For husbands, yes o use all arsenal available!!

      Delete
  3. yea...I should add that I would not date my friend's ex.

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  4. But he wasn't her friend's boyfriend of two years na

    There wasn't intimacy or even 'chemistry'...how is that a relationship?

    Or was it a different story we read?...*confused look*

    Your rules are so funny.. Good on you tho

    X

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    1. Haha, its same story o. There may not have been intimacy but I'm sure they were closer than acquaintances. i mean he was auditioning for husband wasnt he? My girlfriend who I probably discussed the dilemma with should at least be sure I was in the clear before moving in.
      If she were a stranger no problem but she is MY FRIEND!!

      Delete
  5. Ginger, hi5 jor! I 200% agree with the rules of engagement. i however disagree with the 2year prayer/testing/toasting ish. Biko, for why? It is too long abeg. IMO, babe wasn't really into the guy end of. In as much as i blame bestie for her sneaky ways and i also get that early love declaration is a lil creepy, but 2 years toasting? Naa

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    1. Collect your five joo.
      Don’t get me wrong Toin girl. Two years is truly a long time to make a decision. Like Tee above said a relationship didn’t exist so to speak.
      But....her girl is her girl. If she tells you to go meet her "yet-to-be-decided-on-boyfriend in his hotel room, don't go there and start off a relationship with him.

      Delete
  6. I wrote about the story on my blog, Pride and Persistence. I think the guy was not the boyfriend, and they did let her know when things began to look serious. It is just the girls pride that was hurt, she never really cared for him as a man or suitor.

    It may be moot to say whether I'll date a friend's ex but I think friends/sisters should be more generous about this whole ex thing. Jealously is natural of course but we do not own anybody.

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    1. Gbam! Myne we don’t own anybody really.

      But I disagree about them telling her when it became serious. Read my 4th condition above :)

      Delete
  7. Friends should not date other friends' exes
    Haba...boys and girls full town
    It is not right....and will definitely make for awkward moments

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    Replies
    1. NIL na you talk this? I will send you my list of single girlfriends. match.dot.com :)

      Delete
  8. LMAOOOO, i will not date my friends ex sha, but as per the temi's post, i actually support the friend, she didnt steal the guy, they werent actually dating abeg, the girl kept the poor guy waiting TWO YEARS, she couldnt even elevate him to boyfriend but she was busy collecting gift
    HIAN

    good riddance

    Hilarious post
    i agree with all your rules jare my sister

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you forget this is Christian dating.
      No be so brother and sister dey date for church? lol.
      2 years is long anyways. agreed.

      Delete
  9. Issues like this just gimme headache, honestly.

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    Replies
    1. Huggs @ilola. I'm sorry I caused you pain. Come and take panadol.

      Delete
  10. This got me in hysterics though and I feel almost the same way as you. If the break up was due to some reasons as opposed to others, why cant my friend who is more compatible have him, provided she can live with knowing that I "had" him before?
    That number 5 n 6 ehn! Odiro easy. A part of me will like to know and the other part of me just wants to stay in ignorance blissville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ignorance is bliss isnt it? i always feel annoyance at the men who feel compelled to confess to their extra marital affairs to their wife. I mean if you have resolved never to do it again abeg just keep your secret.
      Telling her only causes her bitterness in arrears. unnecessary!

      Delete
  11. That story on Temi's blog just tire me...then I look at it that the babe did not try, she did not even elevate him to bf position...2years is too long to be testing and praying biko.

    Also the friend no try rara, I am sure was wishing and praying from day 1 that she got the guy and chance come she kukuma grab am. Life no easy ojare...

    I can't date a friend's ex sha.

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    Replies
    1. My dear, life isn't easy but that kind of friend that is waiting to grab my chances immediately my back is turned, I don't want.

      Delete
  12. Hilarious post. I can't date a friend's ex though or even a guy that has 'toasted' my friend before. I know it's weird but I just don't want the awkward moments when i have to talk to my friend about her ex. When he does anything bad, she would just shrug and probably say 'That is why he is my ex innit?' I agree with your rules. And the girl that was testing and praying for 2 years, Is she a saint? That's ridiculous but her friend too ah! That one no be friend o!

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    1. I'm not sure its as hard or awkward as you think. Especially if you have moved on and are in your own fulfilling relationship.

      Delete
  13. Hahaha this was hilarious! I love it! I think for me personally, I wouldn't be able to date a friend's ex. Friends' exes are completely off-limits. For my own exes, I think if I applied these rules you've fleshed out here then I'd be all right with it. I mean, it wouldn't be the best feeling in the world but if it's innocent post-breakup attraction, then I don't really have a right to say no, do I?

    Anyhow, I'm hosting an awesome blogfest and critique giveaway at my blog from June 22-24 if you're interested! :) Hope you have a great day.

    ~Wendy Lu

    The Roarin' Twenties Poetry Blogfest + Chapter Critique Giveaway (hosted by The Red Angel)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Wendy Lu. Welcome to my blog!!
      Hopefully you wouldnt say No..lol. Hope you had a blast on your birthday!

      Delete
  14. ah!! as a recent victim of mixed messages i no dey call anyone again, even if my life depended on it. i will have to call you the wifey/girlfy and ask you to ask.
    great post!!

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    1. Way to go Kmplx. Dont you just hate having to explain an action that in your heart was totally innocent??!!

      Delete
  15. hahah........I love this post.
    i once dated this guy and did not tell my friend about him, a week later my friend told me the guy asked her out and that she really likes the guy blablabla.........i almost fainted.
    cos i'm a nice girl and a good friend, i left the guy, i didnt even tell my friend anything about it but i gave the guy hell. guy later decided to tell my friend that we dated and i was thinking my friend will raise hell and leave the guy (dats wat friends do right? wrong)she gave me all that "i am soooo in love with him" crap. that was the beginning of the end of our friendship

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    1. Luciano!!! Come on. Forgive her na, since she is in love and you are not. Hope they are still dating shaa cos it would be sad if she lost a great friend like you over one unserious man.

      Delete
  16. What a funny read! You just dont cease to crack me up. You must be one interesting lady, Ginger. I couldn't help but laugh all through.

    I don't know what to say, really. Thanks for the humour. lol

    - LDP

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    1. I made LDP laugh!!! That''s good enough for me. I was in a good mood writing this. I am thankful you readers felt it.

      Delete
  17. Ah-ahn! Where is my comment now?!!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I dont know oo :(.
      Let me go check spam.

      Delete
  18. lol/ hmmm/ lol/ hmmm

    I'm quite undecided which emotion to allow sef... amusement or muse-ment.

    still lol/hmmm -ing

    ManCee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amuse/muse/use anyone you like :)
      Thanks for visiting ManCee.

      Delete
  19. Omg that's such an old movie...saw it when I was really little lovvvvveeeddd it wanna see it again... Well just don't date my ex period lol

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    1. Yay!! Someone that has seen the movie Eve. I'm sure you'll appreciate it even more now that you are older.
      I wont date him. solemn promise.

      p.s.I dont want you to paprika me.

      Delete
  20. LMAO, Ginger! Ginger!! Ginger!!!
    Look ur rules are on point jare Hi 5!
    Although i'll never date a sibling's/cousin's/friend's ex, i wont be alarmed if they date mine - excluding sibling of course, my sister MUST NEVER date my ex.
    however, i still think the relationship between us will never remain the same... im always gonna wonder when/how it started and if she's playing on taking the current beau too!

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    1. Yes PET :)
      Thanks jare.
      I agree with you. A sibling dating my ex would be well incestous or just plain rude.
      Well, if my friend played by the rules above i don't think i'd worry much. Boils down to trust. Trust is either 100 or 0 innit?

      Delete
  21. My college boyfriend, to whom I was engaged for a very short while, ended up marrying one of my college roommates. Which I still think is a little bit weird.

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  22. I would never go out with a friends ex-husband, boyfriend or whatever. Okay, if 10 years had passed and we were more "acquaintance than friend", I might. But there are too many men with histories not related to my friends. Women may tell you "I don't mind", but I think we actually do. If you were there first, I'm still going there only applies to Italy where I'm concerned.

    ReplyDelete

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