I watched the movie 'He's Just Not That Into You' about two years ago and really liked it. The relationship between Jennifer Aniston's Beth and Ben Affleck’s Neil especially spoke to me (No, I wasnt in a long term/live in relationship or anything like that). They had a wonderful 7 yr old relationship but when Beth now asked for them to seal it with marriage, Neil said no cos he did not believe in marriage. I loved all his arguments against marriage (it’s just a piece of paper): I love you and marriage wouldn’t change that etc etc. But he recapitulated in the end ‘cause if you really love someone then you would bend over backwards to make him/her happy’.
So when I saw the book, I thought why not. But the book isn’t about characters or people. Rather it is a pot pourri of Dear Greg letters from women which explores a wide variety of relationships and situations. You would be hard-put not to find one that didn’t mirror your dating life at some point.
And do you know Greg's answer to ALL OF THEM?
Girl, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
I could almost imagine it as a TV show with Greg as the compere. Women will be invited to come up and tell their problems and when you finish...Greg looks at the crowd and asks 'What do we say Ladies?? and they chorus 'He's just not that into you'.
Liz Tuccillo contributes in a sort of moderating way. When he gives his categorical responses, Liz thinking like a woman challenges his advice. Or more like she provides more excuses (the way some ladies think) why maybe the relationship should be given a chance.
Is there any radical advice in it? No. It is information we have inside of us. It might just be a lot easier to appreciate it when it’s not you.
If you are wondering why he feels he can give advice, he says ‘I am an expert that should be listened to because of one very important thing: I’m a guy…. I know how a guy thinks, feels, and acts. I’m tired of seeing great women in bullsh*t relationships. When a guy is into you, he let’s you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it’s time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige.
If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him, his actions are screaming the truth: He’s just not that into you.
So after you end the unfulfilling relationship, he asked that you give yourself some standards to live by. Example of Suggestions for the new you
I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
Greg’s standards for women are so high that I wonder if he can pull it off as a woman in these times. But underlying it is a man who has a romantic heart; who believes that love isn’t done in half measures nor is it ambiguous.
Coincidently after reading it, I got to watch the movie ‘Think Like A Man’ based on Steve Harvey's book titled same. To an extent both preached same things – ‘Women take charge, don’t let a guy lead you on’ but where Greg tells you to move on. Steve tells you to manipulate the relationship/man (no matter how much he tried to coat it as strategy). For me that’s advice that ladies have been receiving all our lives..how to catch a man.
I think I'll go with Greg. Life is simples. “Don’t waste the pretty”.
It’s your turn now. Only you know the standards you haven’t set for yourself. Write them down. Don’t forget them.
P.S. I did wonder where 'praying and fasting' comes in. lol. You know when you stay in an unfulfilling relationship because ‘you are believing God for change’.
P.P.S. This advice is for single not married people. Pls don’t leave your marriage without giving it every chance.
P.P.P.S. ‘She’s Just Not That Into You’ is the converse.
P.P.P.P.S. If you're interested, hit me up for an e-copy :)