Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Pee-pee drama

A friend of mine constantly moans about her 7 month old son’s package. I am always in giggles whenever she is changing his diapers or giving him a birth, cause she seizes the poor appendage and cries ‘Lord, how do you want this boy to impregnate his wife in future? I want grandchildren oo.
Then she later conciliates with ‘ Size doesn’t matter my boy. Don’t you fret’ like the boy knows there’s  a problem. In fact while she is going on and on, he is fondling his pinch of a penis and gurgling happily (why do little baby boys like playing with their pee pee?)
Anyways I thought she exaggerated (what do I know?!). But after the last weekend, I am worried too.
In case you are wondering, that blue thingy is a pee-pee teepee -
supposed to save mommy/daddy from getting peed on during diaper changes..smh
A friend and his 4 yr old son came visiting while I was bathing baby boy (mom was out and I love getting my hands on him any chance I get). Lil Johnny came to my side and watched as I massaged in Vaseline lotion on his trunk. He looked and looked, then with a puzzled frown asked ‘Aunty what is that? Pointing to my adopted son’s package!

Ehh how do you answer to this?! I didn’t want to say ‘penis’ cause I wasn’t sure what ‘politically correct’ nonbiological word the parents have taught him. Nor did I want to introduce him to a new word and spend the next 30 minutes answering curious penial questions.
So I threw back the answer at him ‘Come on Johnny. Baby is a boy. Isnt your own the same? He said, “No, it doesn’t look like mine, mine is bigger and longer”.

I burst into laughter.  



I retold the conversation to Lil pee wee’s mom. Poor gal. Now she is even more worried. 

Who knows if penile elongation creams work? It should be more effective when the male is young shouldn’t it? Lol!

So just you moms/dads out there worry about your son’s package/peepee?
What are the politically correct names for little boy’s penis?
Lastly, why do we need politically correct terms when a perfectly respectable biological term 'penis' exists?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Dream Interpreter needed

I didn’t realise how recent news from Nigeria had eaten into my psyche till I had two vividly graphic and violent dreams two consecutive nights last week.

When you think of a creek/fishing community..what scenery comes to mind? Lush Green vegetation, fish, fresh water reflecting the trees, fishing vessels, hamlets and small time fish industries right?

That’s not what you find in Bodo creek, Ogoniland.

Earlier on Wednesday evening, I came across a video review by Amnesty International about Bodo creek, Bayelsa since the 2008 Oil Spill by SHELL.
Photograph courtesy George Esiri/EPA/
Shell’s spill has turned Bodo into a black and desolate wasteland and as usual the stakeholders (ward heads, local government councilors, governor, senators except the community directly involved) look away and pretend it isn’t their business. Where is Atedo Peterside who is lauding the good-work of their son - our President? I am sure the Bodo community share his joy in their elected son who has refused to put pressure on Shell to clear up their mess and compensate the 69,000 people who have lost their livelihood, water source and food. BP oil spill (5 million gallons) was cleaned up in months but in Bodo Creek, 4 years after nothing has been done.
Moreover it seems there is a new spill now. This report says that between December 20th and 21st 2011, oil spewed from a ruptured fuel line connecting the Bonga platform to a waiting tanker. Before workers noticed the spill (how irresponsible), Shell said that up to 40,000 barrels (1.68 million gallons) had leaked, reportedly making it the worst offshore accident in Nigeria since 1988.
Can you calculate the crude oil waste and the ecological damage? Read more here and here. This is the video where Saraki threatens to use the Senate might to see that Shell cleans up. Yes he sounds very serious, I can see Shell quaking in their boots. Another wait and see?
On to the dreams...


I was an onlooker watching two fishermen vie for speed supremacy on the creek waters. A sort of creek rage (akin to road rage) led to one of them ramming into the other and damaging the boat’s body. Then entered some militant looking men, who wade across to the victorious boat and drag the boatman out. The gorge out his arm using a knife, scooped the oily black water and poured it into the bloody hole. Graphic much! Then I woke up.


I was in some camp (which looked exactly like my dormitory in secondary school) when we came under attack from Boko Haram (the terrorist group throwing bombs in Nigeria). They hadn’t entered the dorm yet. My mom was in the next room asking everyone to come together and pray our last prayers that our deaths will be quick. I told her that I refuse to give up my life so easily. My bff and I considered going across to ask an elderly man occupying the room across the courtyard to pretend we were his wives but I said it would be dangerous for my fair friend who didn’t look Hausa. Then we decided to take our fate into our hands and fight. All of a sudden machine guns materialized n our laps.

I woke up so pepped with energy cause in my dreams we were making mincemeat of the terrorists Rambo styleeee…lol. Alas it was all a dream.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Occupy Nigeria: we're not done yet

I followed the unfolding events of the fuel subsidy strike this past 10 days mostly on TV. I watched aghast as a protester was manhandled then shot in front of other protesters in broad daylight (RIP). I listened to pro subsidy debates on the government sponsored media NTA and I wondered if the debaters were aliens from some neighbouring WA country.
I saw my respected friends doctors, bankers, take off their suits, don Tee shirts and walk on the streets protesting our corrupt government, Nigerians became mathematicians again challenging GEJ’s fuel prices/subsidy calculations in a manner which would have impressed Chike Obi,  I saw courage which I thought had almost died, I heard young promising youth tell the nation that they were willing to die. I watched protesters cry, moan, pray, dance, laugh in unity for the first time in a long while. And it was beautiful.

Nigerians are finally waking up.

I was hopeful that we would get ‘satisfactory results’. Then NLC happened and the rug was swept from under our feet.

The Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress said they acted to save lives, after receiving information that the security forces had been ordered to use all means to end protests.
Really? They got a reduction to N97 per litre and a pat on the back and they sold the future of 160m Nigerians. I’m pained.
The unions also told journalists in Nigeria's capital Abuja that they applauded the government's recent promise to EXPLORE CORRUPTION in the country's oil sector. They described the six-day strike as "a success".
"We are sure that no government or institution will take Nigerians for granted again," said Abdulwaheed Omar, the NLC president.

Rightfully said but with all due respect Mr. Omar, you missed the point. ‘Explore corruption’ is the government’s polite euphemism for "Shut up retard" and you did….shut up I mean.
Occupy Nigeria is not just about the fuel hike as President Goodluck would like to believe. It is about lying thieving politicians blatantly stealing Nigeria blind.

Occupy Nigeria was not inspired by the rallying call of NLC but by young Nigerians who were fed up of same old, same old. Nigerians who would normally wait out a strike watching movies in the comfort of their homes. The NLC had the crème of workers and youth ON THE STREETS for the first time. Don’t the understand what power they had? How can they blow such an opportunity?!

But it’s not over.

Seeing Gbenga Sesan, Omohyele Sowore of Sahara reporters interviewed on Al Jazeera etc has shown me that in this social media age, where governments try to control news emerging from their Countries, media houses in search of truth now  seek for credibility from bloggers and activists. Our senators salaries, GEJ’s home maintenance budget would probably never have seen the light of day in our dailies if bloggers/twitter users hadn’t made it trend. That information was the tipping point for many who joined the protest. (And of course the new reality of sweating in a ride through Lagos traffic - Sorry @tilola - because car air conditioning is now a luxury).

In this year 2012, we owe it to ourselves and our children to make Nigeria the country we want it to be. Yes, our blogs are personal spaces themed on fun things like fashion, food, relationships etc. but I think it is high time we see our blogs to be much much more. For the sake of Nigeria, let us be more concerned about what goes on in our country. Let us not be scared of making our collective voices heard.

A shoutout to Adura Ojo of Naijalines for her rallying call to Nigerian bloggers during the protest. And to Prism who kept up with almost daily updates.
I applaud all those who stepped out of their blog comfort zones to blog about Nigeria and engage on other social media sites but most especially to those who walked the talk.
Protests may have been silenced for now but it is not over yet. I leave you with Fela Durotoye’s wordsThe dream of a New Nigeria as a most desirable society remains firm in our hearts. We are stronger than this. We will not be broken. We are the New Nigeria and we will not stop until we Deliver the Future.  

Protests: What was done well and what could have been done better?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest

“The arguments being advanced to justify the proposed full deregulation do not make sense. All the arguments have a ring of deja vu.
The so-called complete deregulation of the downstream sector and the removal of subsidy may seem like a purely economic policy decision, but it is so tied to larger Nigerian questions that it ought to be more rigorously debated, and government should make haste slowly.
The regime is corruption-ridden, it is badly managed. There is no indication that a complete deregulation regime will be better managed. The problem is not one of form, but leadership”.
These were the words of Reuben Abati (a former activist/writer turned Government apologist) in 2009 when a similar fuel subsidy removal was proposed.
Three years after, the same arguments are being repeated by Goodluck Jonathan’s government. 

According to The Economist  
“The president will be a brave man if he fulfills his promise to end cheap petrol”.
I disagree.
GEJ will be a brave man if he tackles
Rebuilding the 4 moribound refineries which has failed other governments,
Similarly improving power supply to the nation  
Investigating NNPC, its leakages, inflations and over-estimations
Passing a bill which makes corruption a criminal offence punishable by 14 years imprisonment
Cutting down the wages of government officials
Cutting down HIS personal and house maintenance budget.
And need I mention catching the fiends that go by the name Boko Haram who have made Nigeria a name now synonymous with terrorism.


Albert Einstein quotes “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Fuel subsidy is the solution of a lazy and inept government. It is the coward’s way out.
Do the needful, resolve these highlighted issues and come 2014 if your government seeks to ‘remove subsidy’ the people of Nigeria will support you. But not now.
A good friend of mine Wale quoted, “The amount of our collective resources you squander on a daily basis is more than sufficient to begin to rectify the problem and restore our faith in you. When we see you curb your gluttony and become more accountable, we will be more open to what sacrifice you are trying to extricate from us”.
P.S. It irks me to hear/see our politicians and reporters from the West tout the phrase ‘Nigeria’s cheap petrol’…I don’t know where they get that idea from. What is cheap about our petrol? Take a look at this graph and tell me how petrol is affordable to the common man?
Fuel is a constant in the budget of an average Nigerian and Nigerian business owner…and we are not talking of transport. Nigerians depend on refined fuel 100%. Fuel is a public utility.

P.P.S. I have seen the derisive sneer with which online activism is regarded by many in Nigeria. Pls dear blogger let that not deter you. Be counted. Let your voice be heard! 
The sin of silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." Abraham Lincoln

What You can do
 For a week starting from today, all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties are enjoined to:

1. Do a similar post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"
2. Add the pic/tabled diagram in this post
3. Publish your post today or latest by tomorrow
4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place in a prime position on your blog for seven days.
5. You can still play your part as a non-blogger: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media. 
6. Journalists, use your media space.
7. If you've done a post or published elsewhere online, please leave a link at Naijalines. Thanks.

Protest initiated by 9jaFoodie, Naijalines.
Picture from Azeenarh


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