Sunday, July 29, 2012

Some teasers from the book

Dear Greg,

I’m dating this guy who ends conversations saying he’ll call me at a certain time. Like, “I’ll call you over the weekend.” Or “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.” Or if he has to take a call on the other line, he promises, “I’ll call you back in a few minutes.” And then he doesn’t. He always ends up calling, but almost never when he said he would. Should I read something into this, or should I just know to ignore whatever he says when he’s getting off the phone with me?

Annie

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Call Waiting,

Yes, you should read something into it “He’s just not that into you.” Here’s the deal. Most guys will say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or a phone call, rather than nothing at all. Some guys are lying, some guys really mean it. Here’s how you can tell the difference: You know they mean it when they actually do what they said they were going to do. Here’s something else to think about: Calling when you say you’re going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna to have a house, baby.

_________________________________________________________________

The “Things Are Really Tight Right Now” Excuse

Dear Greg,

I have a boyfriend who I’ve been living with for three years. I’m about to turn thirty-nine, and I have started bringing up the idea of long-term plans, like, say, marriage. He always seems open to it, but then talks about how bad his finances are. He’s an investment banker who works for himself, and he lost a lot of money in the past two years, a lot of clients, as well, and his business really has gone down the tubes. He says he’s under a lot of pressure. Am I being unreasonable to want to know where this is all going? Please let me know.

Barbara

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Pressure Cooker,

What the heck are you thinking, lady? Of course you should know where it’s all going. Do you not value yourself and your time? Certainly three years invested earns you the right to know what your future holds. Any investment banker worth his salt would agree with me. Everyone lost money over the past two years; the stock market crashed and the economy has been in the toilet, and yet imagine—many have still managed to get married. If you are both in your late thirties, and you’ve been dating for three years, and he’s not begging you to be his wife, you might want to take this stock tip: Mr. Dow Jones is just not that into you.

There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you’re Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it’s your relationship that’s insecure, not his bank account.

So you can stay with him and continue to audition for the part of wife, or you can go find someone who doesn’t need a decade or two to realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.
___________________________________________

The “But His Wife Is Such a Bitch” Excuse

Dear Greg,

I’m dating my married boss. We’ve kept it on the down-low so no one will find out about it. I really, really love him, and he loves me. I know it’s wrong to date a married man, but his wife is so awful to him. She calls him names and tells him that he’s stupid. They never have sex. He tells me that I’m the only thing keeping him going. How can I leave him when he’s going through such a hard time and I love him so much?

Blaire

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Hey, Down-Low,

Really? We’re having this conversation? I’m really going to have to explain to you why you shouldn’t be dating a married man? Well, okay: Here is the lowdown on your boss. He’s married and having an affair, which indicates to me so many things. First, he’s okay with being dishonest. (Nice.) Second, he’s fine with cheating on his wife. (Super.) Third, he has no regard for his marriage. (What a gem.) Fourth and most specifically to you, he has no real regard for you, because what you’re getting from him is scraps—stolen time that’s cloaked in shame. (Just what you always dreamed of as a girl, right?) And because this is a workplace affair, who do you think will be asked to leave when the romance goes sour or becomes watercooler fodder that threatens his job and/or marriage? You. And whose reputation as a serious business-person will be compromised? Did you guess you? Good girl. Regardless of how much his marriage sucks or how awful his wife is to him, it obviously isn’t that bad or he would get out of it. A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one worth living out loud.

I know things seem a lot easier when your affair is with a man whose wife is an evil, shrieking, insulting hag. No matter what their relationship or circumstances are, you are still helping a man cheat on his wife.

Let’s agree you’re better than that.
__________________________________________________


The “But He Misses Me” Excuse

Dear Greg,

My boyfriend and I had been dating for two years, living together for one. We started fighting and having all sorts of problems. He broke up with me three weeks ago and I moved out. Of course, I’m devastated. The thing is, he calls me all the time. He wants to chat. He asks about my friends, and wants to know how my family is. He likes to keep up with the little details of my life, just as if we were going out. My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again. What do you think?

Brenda

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Misty Watered Colored Memories,

So glad he likes to keep up with the Way You Were. Who doesn’t need another phone pal, especially since you have a new phone and a new apartment? Put him on hold and listen to me, missy: A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person. If he’s not trying to romance your socks off with dates, flowers, and poetry, it should only be because he’s too engrossed with his couples counseling workbooks and is prioritizing getting back on the right track. If he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him really know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less—even a vague, pathetic facsimile of less—than you would have ever imagined. Ladies, please, keep your eye on the prize. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less. If you can’t do it for you, do it for everyone else: These guys are able to exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

____________________________________________________________________

He's Just Not That Into You - Book Review

I watched the movie 'He's Just Not That Into You' about two years ago and really liked it. The relationship between Jennifer Aniston's Beth and Ben Affleck’s Neil especially spoke to me (No, I wasnt in a long term/live in relationship or anything like that). They had a wonderful 7 yr old relationship but when Beth now asked for them to seal it with marriage, Neil said no cos he did not believe in marriage. I loved all his arguments against marriage (it’s just a piece of paper): I love you and marriage wouldn’t change that etc etc. But he recapitulated in the end ‘cause if you really love someone then you would bend over backwards to make him/her happy’.

So when I saw the book, I thought why not. But the book isn’t about characters or people. Rather it is a pot pourri of Dear Greg letters from women which explores a wide variety of relationships and situations. You would be hard-put not to find one that didn’t mirror your dating life at some point.
And do you know Greg's answer to ALL OF THEM?
Girl, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
I could almost imagine it as a TV show with Greg as the compere. Women will be invited to come up and tell their problems and when you finish...Greg looks at the crowd and asks 'What do we say Ladies?? and they chorus 'He's just not that into you'.
Liz Tuccillo contributes in a sort of moderating way. When he gives his categorical responses, Liz thinking like a woman challenges his advice. Or more like she provides more excuses (the way some ladies think) why maybe the relationship should be given a chance. 
Is there any radical advice in it? No. It is information we have inside of us. It might just be a lot easier to appreciate it when it’s not you.


If you are wondering why he feels he can give advice, he says ‘I am an expert that should be listened to because of one very important thing: I’m a guy…. I know how a guy thinks, feels, and acts. I’m tired of seeing great women in bullsh*t relationships. When a guy is into you, he let’s you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it’s time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige.
If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him, his actions are screaming the truth: He’s just not that into you.
_______________________________________________________

The Aftermath

So after you end the unfulfilling relationship, he asked that you give yourself some standards to live by. Example of Suggestions for the new you

I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.

I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.

I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.

I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.

I will not date a man who is married.

I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.

I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.

I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.


Greg’s standards for women are so high that I wonder if he can pull it off as a woman in these times. But underlying it is a man who has a romantic heart; who believes that love isn’t done in half measures nor is it ambiguous.

Coincidently after reading it, I got to watch the movie ‘Think Like A Man’ based on Steve Harvey's book titled same. To an extent both preached same things – ‘Women take charge, don’t let a guy lead you on’ but where Greg tells you to move on. Steve tells you to manipulate the relationship/man (no matter how much he tried to coat it as strategy). For me that’s advice that ladies have been receiving all our lives..how to catch a man.

I think I'll go with Greg. Life is simples. “Don’t waste the pretty”.

It’s your turn now. Only you know the standards you haven’t set for yourself. Write them down. Don’t forget them.


P.S. I did wonder where 'praying and fasting' comes in. lol. You know when you stay in an unfulfilling relationship because ‘you are believing God for change’.

P.P.S. This advice is for single not married people. Pls don’t leave your marriage without giving it every chance.

P.P.P.S. ‘She’s Just Not That Into You’ is the converse.

P.P.P.P.S. If you're interested, hit me up for an e-copy :)

Monday, July 23, 2012

So the Hysteria has a name

Hey beautiful people,
I just wanna say thank you all for reading the previous post and especially to those who commented. I'm bad at editing, Nwunye, especially when i'm sharing what i find interesting..blame the teacher in me :).

So I have since found out that my self named 'male-associated-hysteria' isn’t peculiar to me. It actually has a proper name – ‘Rape paralysis/tonic immobility” and is related to the phenomenon of “lordosis” and the “lordotic reflex”. Madame Sting and Lady Ngo were right (from previous post).

Lordotic reflex is related to what happens to an American Opossum when you scare it badly enough. It falls over on its back, curled up as in the spasms of long-ago death. People call this “playing possum” but they do not understand: the possum is not faking. It is completely paralyzed. It cannot move. It has very nearly entered a state of hibernation, with massive metabolic slowing.
This was probably originally a mutation, whereby extreme fear caused paralysis rather than full speed flight. Yet for many predators that eat opossum, an opossum they did not kill is an opossum they will not eat. Hence it is assumed that this survival trait spread in opossum genes, so that almost every opossum will become paralyzed to the point of even lowering body temperature, when sufficiently frightened.

So back to humans. Because rape is about power and control, a rapist will use a level of aggression that exceeds any resistance in order to maintain that control. Furthermore, during a traumatic assault the body’s sympathetic nervous system takes over, instinctively regulating your behaviors for the sake of survival and producing one of three basic responses: fight, flee, or freeze.
All three instincts have helpful and harmful aspects about them; they may either increase or decrease your safety. But contrary to what we see in movies and what we read in booklets promoted by the self-defense industry, the “fight instinct” is actually rather rare in both men and women. By far the most common instinct is the “freeze instinct,” in which the body becomes very still, rigid, and silent. This is called “tonic immobility,” and is a survival behavior.

Research has shown that in perhaps the majority of cases of forcible rape where the women were not much injured in the event, the victims reported a feeling of intense cold, numbness, and paralysis, an involuntary inability to call out, experiences of ‘detachment’ from self/watching self (you see why research is wonderful? Nothing new under the sun really!).
So, If you don’t fight you don’t get killed; but you may be impregnated, become infected with gonorrhea or worse AIDS. Chizoba m!!
The author thinks it has further tragic consequences for women and normal thoughtful men who have no rape intentions because they may be dealing with a woman who reacts thus. She may actually be lying there scared and paralysed and unable to voice no and the guy does not realize it (after all women are constantly accused of lying there and doing nothing!).
So dear men, the idea is Yes Means Yes and the Absence of Yes is still No!!
I know you good men out there are tired of hearing about this rape issue but until you have walked in the shoes of a woman or a rape victim for that matter you will never ever understand.
Recently I had an encounter with a friend wherein we started to play fight. When I started punching him a bit too hard, he held my hands. Wahala!!
I could feel the hysteria rising and I started begging him in a small voice to let me go, all my bravado gone.
Deep inside I knew I was safe, he was a friend I could trust totally but my brain? Adrenal cortex? didn’t know that.
So when I felt that well of hysteria rising, my rationale self fought it. I reminded myself that freezing up wasn’t even self protecting (If it was rape I was more or less handing myself over to slaughter wasn’t I?).

I told me to ‘Fight back. Free yourself. Run’ instincts that it seemed I had lost. So I did, biting, scratching and kicking. I even had the gumption to grab a kitchen knife and brandish it lol. Poor love! he didn’t understand where I was coming from.

For whatever it is, it felt like a breakthrough for me and it felt good.

When I can afford it, I will attend self defence classes (I noticed they said it isn't helpful..rolls eyes). I'll do it not because I am expecting/looking to be assaulted but cause I want to learn how to strategically use my limbs to do harm yeah! I will also learn to lt my inner lioness roar  - I heard they usually insist on students screaming/yelling during martial arts practice lol.
*You wanna bring it on?*.
To read more about rape paralysis check out these links here, here and here.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Nice Girls Don't Fight

Long post alert. Don’t let that discourage you though!

I read this post a couple of years ago that there are women who can’t, who want to but literally are unable, to scream when raped. They want to, need to, and their survival may depend on it, but conscious mind and rational calculus be damned, rote learning of social rules takes over. These mental blocks can’t just be discarded. They can sometimes be unlearned, overcome, broken: but they cannot be ignored. Just because they are in women’s heads does not make them any less real.
I’ve heard/read that one of the toughest things for many women in self-defense training to overcome is the inability to make noise. The socialization of the good-girl role, the selfless role, the not-making-trouble, not-taking-up-space role, starts early and never stops and that conditioning runs deep. Those blocks are real.
The conditioning referred to scenes like this:  
  • Women naturally backing down in arguments,
  • Women being interrupted by male speaking when speaking in public places, (you are a girl, keep quiet!)
  • Women learning to purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion (yes sir, yes my lord)
  • Women making obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or
  • being in closer physical proximity and are ignored.
  • Women being leered at or having rude suggestive comments said to them at work/on the street etc
  • A woman getting grabbed because of what she was wearing or not wearing (typical market scenes)
We accept as normal these daily social interactions in which women are quieter, ignored, or invisible. Then suddenly, when a woman is raped, all these natural and invisible social interactions become evidence that the woman wasn’t truly raped. Because she didn’t fight back, or yell loudly, or run, or kick, or punch. She let him into her room when it was obvious what he wanted. She flirted with him, she kissed him. She stopped saying no, after a while.
Well, she was just following the rules she has been taught her whole life. The rules that were supposed to keep the rape from happening. The rules that would keep her from being fair game for verbal and physical abuse. Breaking the rules is supposed to result in punishment, not following them right?

I think I am one of those socialized women who can’t fight back.
I had a near-rape incident in my 3rd year in the University where the appearance of a persistent security guard(an angel!!) at the nick of time saved my hymen from being penetrated by a man of whom today I can’t recall the details of his face and name no more; not that I didn’t know who he was before that date but after incident I asked God to help me delete him from my memory.
But I haven’t deleted/erased as easily the feelings of panic I experience in close encounters with the male folk till today.
e.g.
If I have to be alone with a guy that is not my brother or boyfriend, I’m all about exit strategy. I am checking doors, windows, I am watching his every move suspiciously. If there was a red alert button my thumb will be caressing it.

2. Male associated hysteria MAH(my name for it). Hmm, let me attempt to explain it: You know all those play fights with a stronger male friend where to subdue your playful punches etc, he holds your hands captive…..hmmm, before year 2000, I would be laughing, biting, kicking and trying to free my hands if that happened; but post attempted rape when I am held captive, I freeze and hyperventilate. A scream builds up but it doesn’t get out. My rational self is telling me that XYZ is my friend, we are playing, my unrationale self is screaming ‘He is about to rape harm you’. The only sign of my inner turmoil are tears.
Suffice to say I have had a few embarrassing encounters.

The one thought that bothered me for a long time after was, ‘Couldn't I have done more to escape my assaulter?’, cause at a point during the event I had blanked out and just accepted that I was going to be raped. I never screamed, scratched or bit. I only kept saying ‘No, please don’t’ till I realised my mild struggling movements were exciting him the more. Then I stopped and just lay there like a sacrificial lamb.

Even in ordinary circumstances, I can’t throw an object directly at another human. I intentionally curve my hand or aim at some innocuous place. I dream of defending myself from a would be attacker(Boko Haram members included) by throwing a knife, shooting a gun, kicking hard, scratching their eyes out, but deep inside I wonder if i can overcome this ‘mental block’ the writer has mentioned.

I guess I now have two issues to deal with – socialization that made me not fight in the first instance. Then the post rape phobia. I need self defence classes and a Soldier-husband!!!

I think of the Guinea hotel staff who fought off Strauss Khan the IMF President. To have the instinct/boldness to fight off a man as powerful as he without thinking of ‘consequences’ and ‘reprisals’ leaves me in awe of that lady.….I also think of the lady in the ABSU rape and remember that some people (including the police) judged her rape to be consensual cause ‘she didn’t put up a fight’.

Here are gems I picked to share about different reactions to sexual assault/harassment from this post.

#1 - There was a man who was probably around my father’s age – I’m a 19 year old college student btw - who usually sits outside his apartment as I walked home from class. I always smiled and said hi as I walked by because I wanted to be friendly to my neighbors. But then I started noticing that he was out there more and more, like he knew my schedule – and one day, he motioned to me to come over. So I did. And then he asked me out. I told him I had a boyfriend. I was really disturbed and scared, because when he hit on me, he was really drunk and I wasn’t sure what he would do when I said no. It ended up okay, I went back to my apartment and started avoiding him from then on. But when I told my dad about the incident, because I was frightened and disturbed to be asked out like that by a much older man, my dad said “why did you go over to talk to him?” That made me so mad, because he said it in a way that sounded like he was blaming me, saying I was stupid for going over there. But when you’ve been raised to do what older people say and in a culture that makes it seem like men are the ones who get to do all the ordering around, is it really that surprising that I just dutifully walked over to talk to him?

Ha! This is an almost weekly occurrence for most women isn’t it? An old-enough-to-be-your-father-man abusing his position by chatting you up and cause of his age you are torn about how to react??

#2 - I’m a very straightforward person, and maybe come off as a bitch sometimes. When men hit on me directly in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, I’ve taken to saying flat out “You need to stop talking to me. Now.” No-one deserves to be made to feel uncomfortable or violated because some guy thinks he has the right to.

Bravo. I have never been this forthright in an encounter. Need to learn.

#3 - In my very first week of college, I went to a dance and had loads of fun. The next day, a good looking guy at the school approached me, said that he had noticed me at the dance and would I like to go out with him some time? I was beyond flattered. Now I know better, because I spent the date we went on dreaming up every possible way to not be raped and yet still be nice. Thank God he let me out of his car, because I would not stop saying that I did not want to go to his room. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I went to his room that I would be raped from the way he had been behaving all evening. That was my introduction to college life.
When I told one of my male “friends” about what happened, especially during the ride home, when he started tickling me, which caused me to fall down, then he “accidentally” fell on top of me and for a few terrifying seconds I thought he wasn’t going to get off, even though I was telling him to…my male friend simply asked me why I hadn’t slapped the guy. Because despite everything that the guy did, it was still all my fault for not being violent enough? Besides that, I was scared-I was afraid if I did speak out more violently, then he would punish me much more violently too. My friend just has no clue what he was asking me to do.

I agree too. Like someone succinctly put it, “The real pisser is trying to figure out what level of ‘no’ will get someone to stop, and what level of ‘no’ will cause someone to beat the crap out of me”.

#4 - When I feel threatened by somebody, particularly if it’s a matter of feeling like I’m being followed on the street or in a store, or if I’m in a waiting room and some guy is leering at me, I respond by being friendly. Not at all in a flirty way, but in what I hope is a “Let’s deal with each other as two human beings” way. I’ll just ask, in as straightforward and friendly a way as I can, if they need help finding something, or if they are looking for a particular street, or just how their day is going. And, at least for me, I’ve found this usually works, both to dispel my fear and to get the other person to start dealing with me as a person. I do think it sometimes disarms a person who is trying to elicit a response that’s either sexual or fearful from you if you just refuse to do either and respond in a way that they aren’t prepared for. Certainly being curt (the “you need to stop talking to me” thing) would work, too, but I’m not a curt person, with anybody. I’m a friendly person, even with strangers, and I guess I just figure that I’ll try, if possible, to set the tone for how the person will interact with me. It usually seems to work out very well.
This is me!!! and now I can see how this kinda attitude can get one into trouble with a determined psycho/rapist!!!

#5 - This discussion made me think of my 4 year old daughter, who is small and, like her dad, slender and muscular. She can be a total pain in the butt, and shouts loudly “no” when there’s something she doesn’t want to do. Sometimes she sulks when she doesn’t get her way, but she doesn’t take any sh*t when someone tries to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. I feel pressured to make her more polite, and to “respect authority,” but she doesn’t get into trouble at preschool/daycare and generally plays well with others, boys and girls, and she’s not afraid of playing with the rougher boys, she just keeps her distance if things get rougher than she likes.
The next time she is being tough and strong and defiant with me, I’m going to try to remember that I want to preserve that in her, that it’s far better than the alternative, especially since she’s probably going to be smaller than most of the other kids her age for the rest of her life. Yes, it is a pain in the ass, but I want her to practice standing up for herself, and it doesn’t mean she always gets what she wants, but that she’s allowed to fight.

And I think this is where it all starts. Childhood. All children go through this phase but while girls are taught to 'act nice'(say yes mostly), boys are encouraged to not take no for an answer.

What do you think? Are women’s reactions to sexual assault/harassment due to socialization? How do you deal with it?

Saturday, July 7, 2012

A Smile A Day

So I have spent the past 2 hrs laughing my socks off!
I discovered a You tube channel for Improv Everywhere, “a New York City-based prank collective that causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places”.
They are certainly keeping true to their mission statement. Kudos to Charlie Todd, the brain behind it.

My five observations:
#1. You gotta love New Yorkers!! I love their joie de vivre.
#2. There are a lot of jobless people in New York if I dare say. Like, don’t his army of helpers have work to do – you know…paid work?
#3. New  Yorkers remind me a lot, of Nigerians . They can looku looku (stop and stare).
#4. They are also the antithesis of Nigerians in that nothing seems to faze them. Take the Frozen grand Central prank or Invisible dog prank. The former would have incited frantic chanting of “the Blood of Jesus” while the latter, a trip to Yaba Psychiatric ward.
#5. It all seems a bit pointless, till you see the smiles on the faces, after the initial confusion. Then you imagine the stories that would be told at home or among friends. Bless their hearts!

Let me share some of my favourites:
The Invisible dogs prank - even the real dogs were looking a bit confused too..

High Five Escalator: I've watched this 5 times. I still laugh everytime when they get to "ROB"


Frozen Grand Central..I don't know what I'd have done if i was here. Prolly run before whatever disease it is gets to me.

Surprise wedding reception – I’m sure the couple wont forget this ever!!

The quadruplets in the park was amazing. I've never seen EIGHT sets of quadruplets in one  place.


Watch his TED talk where he tells us how it all began. I discovered it after i wrote the post. Seems i am not the only way with observation #2. lol, but he had a wonderful response. 

Check out their website for more pranks. You might even be tempted to join them on one of their missions.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Oba Erediuwa 1: Goodluck 0

So it’s all over the news today that GEJ and his entourage got a snub from Oba Erediuwa when they came to Benin to campaign and mobilize support for the PDP governorship candidate, Gen. Charles Airhiavbere (an ex-millitary man?? Ok.).

Errr, actually, Oba Erediuwa only allowed Goodluck into the inner palace chambers while the other members of the entourage (including the National Chairman of the PDP, Alhaji Bamangar Tukur; Chief Tony Anenih, the governorship candidate, Gen. Charles Airhiavbere, and the state chairman of the party, Chief Dan Orbih) waited outside like small pikins. 

LOL

Finally.

If I am to believe the comments on the article(click here) then it seems our traditional rulers have started treating their titles with the dignity it deserves.
And as for people like this commenter, obviously he hasn’t lost a relation to Boko Haram, or in the recent air crash, or in a GEJ campaign scramble, or to Dame Patience’s grammatical bullets; that is why he still has so much love.

“Nothing can be more disgraceful, disrespectful and insulting, when a host or hostess in a planned visit refuses to welcome one, into his or her house, even when he or she is conspicuously in the house. This was exactly, what the Oba of Benin, Omo'Noba Erediauwa did to the President, Federal Republic of Nigeria, President Goodluck Jonathan and others, when the Oba refused to welcome him and others in the open of his palace. It is a national disgrace and unfortunate too. Time will tell”.

Oya, let’s go there.

Respect: If I am not mistaken, Oba Erediuwa’s title has a longer history than Nigerian presidency and Goodluck himself. He is also much older than him. So yes, he can treat Goodluck as a son first and foremost before he treats him as President - that is African tradition. It was probably the respect for his status that made him allow him in.
Moreover, Goodluck came on a campaign mission not State Visit. He showed courtesy to the Oba by visiting, the Oba returned the courtesy by favouring him with his presence - 5 full minutes of it. Hehehe
Integrity - I heard the Oba has endorsed Oshiomole. So it is good that he showed clearly where his loyalties lie compared to some others we know (side-eye Ohaneze Ndi Igbo) who would play both sides for favour.
Disgraceful/Insulting- Ha! George Bush, a whole POTUS had a shoe thrown at him by a disgruntled citizen. How about Berlusconi?  The US did not destabilise nor did Italy. Nor was the lowly shoe thrower lynched. 
Abeg siddon (sit down).

Now for the rest of Nigerians, I wish we could learn from this Elder and not only keep these no-good governors and senators waiting but pelt them with coconuts when they remember their way home cause they want to campaign for re-election.

p.s. I do agree with the commenter that “time will tell”. If I rejoiced for naught. Naija is of course full of surprises. Yea, time will tell.

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