0, 3, 10, 20…. Naa, I really don’t want to know.
So have you seen that Youtube series The Number? I came across it a while bk. Then they were still on episode 2. I never went back to it till last night when I came across the link again.
It’s about this newly engaged couple Melissa and Jason, who delved into their past in the light of honesty and sharing only for the guy to find out that his fiancée has had lots of partners in the past (the number was never mentioned but I am guessing it was lots more than his, and we know what guys are like right?) White flag white flag….no male bashing intended. Just acknowledging your societal-accepted right to be dogs while the female folk keep it virginal.
At the end of watching the rest of the series - it takes about 72mins to watch the 12 episodes - I came to some interesting thoughts/conclusions:
What number makes a girl a whore/slut really? Some girls end up with “lots of partners” in that elusive search for The One. Maybe they can be blamed for not having enough control over their pants or sense. Maybe love makes them more gullible than others. Maybe they were less discerning.
Do we judge them on same whore scale as the girl who may have had the same number of partners but was actually having sex for the fun of it? Or on the other hand, how do you compare 7 partners in the life of a 30yr old to 5, in the lifetime of a 20yr old. Is it less acceptable in the later cause she is younger? What is the measuring stick?
Apart from the whorish connotations of having many sex partners, I came across an interesting debate on thenakedconvos site about this same topic, and I noticed guys claiming that the number question is important cause the wear and tear is manifest physically in the vagina. Really? Does a girl who has had say... 20 partners and on average slept with each 7 times due to opportunity/distance whatever, have same vaginal mileage as the girl who has been in 2 consecutive steady relationships and has had sex very regularly in these relationships? I thought it was only childbirth that had any real effect on the vaginal widening.
I’m not a gyno so I don’t know much about these things…I hope I am not sounding ignorant. I would sure like to know. Facts not heresay..
Moving on…the part that made my jaw hang agape was the penultimate episode..the STD test. Not the show but the comments left by viewers.
Summary: Melissa and fiancé went for an STD test as part of their journey in commitment and while Melissa was in the clear, Ray tested positive to an STD.
Now many commenters were convinced Melissa had had the std – Chlamydia by the way, gotten herself treated, then took Ray along for testing to shame him????
I have never seen such whacked/warped thinking in my life. All because they were resolute in slut shaming Melissa. Afterall She is the one who has had lots of partners. She is the one who should have an std.
Naa, people. It doesn’t work that way. Smart is smart. Careless is careless. Naïve is naïve. From what Melissa said in a later video, they had been using condoms all the while, so going for the Test was to put them in the clear of STDs so that condomless action can begin (oh the bliss of commitment). Very smart Melissa. Very smart. I would have thought Testing at the beginning of the relationship even if they were going to use condoms was best…but at least they did it.
Lack of smarts is why the naive ones get pregnant at their first sexual encounter (they are the ones who think coitus interruptus aka withdrawal method works), the naives who think cause a guy has promised to be committed to them they should not insist he gets tested and worse they do it without condoms (THINK, If Mr Committed tells you he doesn’t like condoms, ‘how many other girls has he slept with without using condoms’? That guy is a danger unto himself and others period). The naïve ones are the virgin-before-marriage wives who their husbands end up infecting them with HIV cause they think marriage makes them AIDS proof. I’m not saying don’t trust your man. But I think periodic std check even within marriage might be important cough cough.
For the married folk, it might be too late to begin such a habit, but for dating couples, it might be worthwhile discussing it early on. Pls don’t be that man/woman.
What was their second reason for believing Melissa was guilty? That She did not react like a mad fish seller when the doctor told Ray he had Chlamydia. But then again..why should she? It takes a sinner to truly love and be forgiving. I would like to think she was calm and supportive cause she was thinking, “ There go I but for His grace”.
I would also like to think that she was knowledgeable enough to know Chlamydia was the most ubiquitous std, can remain asymptomatic for years and is thankfully very easily curable. Why then should she be mad?
As for Ray’s sister who was waging war on Melissa cause she thought her brother deserved somebody with a less chequered sexual past….pls don’t be that judgmental Sister. Enough said.
Summary, would you really like to know how many partners your boyfriend/fiancé/spouse has had? I remember judging a boyfriend who told me he had slept with more than 10 partners…that was a long time ago. I thought he was a slut and that friendship did not pass go nor did he collect $200 lol.
In the present times, I really don’t want to know. If I meet you and we come to love each other and we are committed to each other that’s all that matters. Let the past stay past. But again, if you have a real slutty past (back to the question…what number makes a guy/girl a slut lol - maybe your conscience should guide you?) especially if some of your partners are people we know (shudder) maybe its best you hint at it so some helpful gossip won’t let me in on the secret and I end up looking a fool. What do you think?
Of course the best course is to keep it locked down until marriage isn’t it. To avoid these STD/trust issues and what not right?
To the true-blue Virgins in the house say Yay..lol
To the Born-again virgins Unu so kwa.
To the girls who are loving and smart about it chop knuckles.
To the technical virgins (everything but the vagina) - hmmmm stds can be passed orally o. Go and get throat swabbed o.
I had fun writing this jare. LMAO.
Please don’t judge me. let your comments be beautiful ….