Monday, September 9, 2013

Why is My Marital Status Your Business?

Recent conversation with a male friend.

Friend: How is your bf or fiance?

ME: He is fine, thank you

Friend: Okayyyyy oooooo

ME: We will join your group soon, Amen.

Friend: We still dey hope

ME: lol. Maybe you should encourage me. tell me 5 reasons why it is to my advantage to marry.
JAMB question. 

Friend: There are three stages in life - green horn, matured, Spent

ME: ha

Friend: You don’t need any reason to marry. What stage are u?

ME: Haba. see Nigerian answering question with question

Friend: You can be 50 and u still prefer to be called a green horn

ME: Exactly!

Friend: It depends on you.....and u can be 26 and you wanna be referred to as a veteran

ME: Okay. how does that answer my question?

Friend: Marriage makes you responsible for the life of another or other people directly, it is a true test of your womanhood.
its either u embrace it or chicken out!

ME: SO. Cant believe that's your reason hopefully that applies to men too??

Friend: Just advising u, its not necessarily my reason

ME: and secondly, many unmarried ones give their lives to raising siblings and other people's children. so they are not women cause they are not married?

Friend: Its the next phase of your life you need to embark upon whether u like it or not......or else u can make up any excuse not to
Its part of human development
as far as u never remained an infant for 30 somthing years
its part of growing up
bikonu...enuf English for this fb sef
it applies to everybody, but the good News is that.....not everyone is destined to get married some prefer to be gay, lesbian.....etc so that means there is tendency to be inequality in the marital cycle.

ME: I hear you.

Chat Conversation End

This friend of mine just got married recently. I had asked the question about advantages of getting married expecting to hear him wax lyrical about the joys of getting married as experienced by him, not to hear him tell me I haven't passed the womanhood test. 
How many single eager-to-be married ladies are out there? Where are the men who should be passing their manhood test by making a commitment?
As you can see, he left the convo in a huff. For what na? My unrepentant unmarried self was annoying him?
Or Is there another interpretation to this I am missing?

At work, i am surrounded by 24-26year old females who are ambitiously saving up to make a mortgage paydown and own their first home - with or without a husband.
Here i am, unable to carry out a mature conversation with a male peer without it being about my marital status. smh


  1. Wow! The response you were expecting was exactly what I was expecting to read: a list of reasons why he's happy (personally) to be married. His wife should be disappointed that he didn't share the wonders of being married, especially since it's a recent marriage!

    I think he took your question as you questioning his decision to marry somehow...who knows!

    And "We still dey hope"? Hmmph!

    1. "His wife should be disappointed that he didn't share the wonders of being married, especially since it's a recent marriage!"

      I think so too. lol.

      "We still dey hope" - the guy is tired of me it seems. Thats about the 4th question he asks me whenever we chat. But ow that i know the rationale pushing it, I wouldnt give him that courtesy again.

      Thank you for weighing in GNG.

  2. This just further confirms my thoughts on this marriage matter- most of our people do it because someone told them that's what they are supposed to do. I have a post that's been sitting in my drafts about this kind of thing. Me thinks its time to wipe off the dust and finish it up lol

    1. Yes o. marriage is the next phase after education. or job. There are no other choices. That is the Nigerian culture.
      Please wipe the dust and publish. Would love to read your views. This matter never tires I tell you.

  3. Why didn't he just answer your question? Na wa o.

    It seems to be like he got married out of societal necessity.

    1. funny thing he didnt as far as i know. He and his now wife had dated for awhile and i believe marriage was a natural progression for them.

      Maybe its the pride of now being a married man that inspired him. sigh.

    2. Just because they dated, doesn't mean there was no pressure or that societal expectation did not come to bear on his (their) decision. Ginger, you can never tell why people choose to get married.

  4. Lol. He made marriage seem so uninteresting :( But I don't think that was what he intended, he must have thought he was trying to be as real as possible.

    1. Hi Ife. Thanks for visiting and weighing in!!
      Likely that was what he thought he was doing but he definitely went off track.

      Hope I see you again. I loved your review of Scandal. Very interesting :)

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Mschhheeewwww. It is men like him you see in clubs, isi-ewu and point and kill joints still wearing suits at 12 p.m., just refusing to go home to their wives and enjoy their married life. When you are not able to articulate the joys of marriage other than stating that it is 'just the next stage' then there is a serious 'prulem'. I think men are threatened by women who are not brow-beaten into marriage panic at a certain age. It seems to rubbish some preconceived notion they have that marriage is the ONLY goal for women. Hence his rushing off in a huff.

  7. As in ehn, CherryKoko! U are in the spirit! I read it and my first reaction was mchewwwwww!!!! Shallow-minded someborri! I dont even know what to say to him. It wont be the first time I will hear something as outrageous as that, neither will it be the last.
    And like Jennifer, I noticed he rushed off too... it was rather obvious that his argument was very flawed! tshrewwwwww

  8. Lmaoo @cherry. Girl, hi 10! Nonsense and ingredient. I thought about atilola's comment too #shrug

  9. He married to fulfil all righteousness and expects you to do same. I don't blame him. Shallow minded person indeed. I liked the way u attacked him back. Left with his tail btw his legs. Shiooor on him.

  10. Doesnt sound like your friend has truly captured the essence of marriage otherwise he should have been giving you chapter and verse. Definitely wouldnt do well in marketing he devalued the advantages of marriage. Begs the question of did he actually want to get married?

  11. I honestly wish more married people would share real and hopefully happy marriage stories. Not all these "to fufill all righteousness/ it's the next step" rubbish i keep hearing.
    Encourage us single folk small.
    Why do i want to take such a huge step just out of a sense of duty?

  12. Ask him about his mistress and he would be talking with excitement! But his marriage? Cat caught his tongue!

    Marriage is basically for companionship and pro-creation as the bible explains to me: It is not good for man to be alone, and go into the world and multiply. But, all these are done now without getting married! There are live-in-lovers and baby mamas!

    To have legal sex?legitimate children?To fulfill scriptures?
    Because if anybody says it is for love, then i wonder why so much infidelity and divorce? The overall answer is: THAT IS WHAT IS EXPECTED OF EACH INDIVIDUAL IN THE SOCIETY after schooling and getting a job.

  13. oh wow! I am surprised that conversation even continued! For someone who is newly marrie dhe is definitely not selling marriage or doesnt know how to say. No offence, but i hope he doesnt speak to his wife that way! nonsense! What is the point of marrying to prove womanhood, isnt my breast enough to show you i am a woman! Don;t get me started! *hiss* If anyone needs proof that they are a woman and are getting married just for that reason.. good luck to them!

  14. I-needuru i-loosu that your friend's number ozugbo ozugbo! See how vex is making me speak Ingili-Igbo.

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