Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Pee-pee drama

A friend of mine constantly moans about her 7 month old son’s package. I am always in giggles whenever she is changing his diapers or giving him a birth, cause she seizes the poor appendage and cries ‘Lord, how do you want this boy to impregnate his wife in future? I want grandchildren oo.
Then she later conciliates with ‘ Size doesn’t matter my boy. Don’t you fret’ like the boy knows there’s  a problem. In fact while she is going on and on, he is fondling his pinch of a penis and gurgling happily (why do little baby boys like playing with their pee pee?)
Anyways I thought she exaggerated (what do I know?!). But after the last weekend, I am worried too.
In case you are wondering, that blue thingy is a pee-pee teepee -
supposed to save mommy/daddy from getting peed on during diaper changes..smh
A friend and his 4 yr old son came visiting while I was bathing baby boy (mom was out and I love getting my hands on him any chance I get). Lil Johnny came to my side and watched as I massaged in Vaseline lotion on his trunk. He looked and looked, then with a puzzled frown asked ‘Aunty what is that? Pointing to my adopted son’s package!

Ehh how do you answer to this?! I didn’t want to say ‘penis’ cause I wasn’t sure what ‘politically correct’ nonbiological word the parents have taught him. Nor did I want to introduce him to a new word and spend the next 30 minutes answering curious penial questions.
So I threw back the answer at him ‘Come on Johnny. Baby is a boy. Isnt your own the same? He said, “No, it doesn’t look like mine, mine is bigger and longer”.

I burst into laughter.  

Nonsense!

Enemies!

I retold the conversation to Lil pee wee’s mom. Poor gal. Now she is even more worried. 

Who knows if penile elongation creams work? It should be more effective when the male is young shouldn’t it? Lol!

So just wondering..do you moms/dads out there worry about your son’s package/peepee?
What are the politically correct names for little boy’s penis?
Lastly, why do we need politically correct terms when a perfectly respectable biological term 'penis' exists?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Dream Interpreter needed

I didn’t realise how recent news from Nigeria had eaten into my psyche till I had two vividly graphic and violent dreams two consecutive nights last week.

When you think of a creek/fishing community..what scenery comes to mind? Lush Green vegetation, fish, fresh water reflecting the trees, fishing vessels, hamlets and small time fish industries right?

That’s not what you find in Bodo creek, Ogoniland.

Earlier on Wednesday evening, I came across a video review by Amnesty International about Bodo creek, Bayelsa since the 2008 Oil Spill by SHELL.
Photograph courtesy George Esiri/EPA/Commondreams.org
Shell’s spill has turned Bodo into a black and desolate wasteland and as usual the stakeholders (ward heads, local government councilors, governor, senators except the community directly involved) look away and pretend it isn’t their business. Where is Atedo Peterside who is lauding the good-work of their son - our President? I am sure the Bodo community share his joy in their elected son who has refused to put pressure on Shell to clear up their mess and compensate the 69,000 people who have lost their livelihood, water source and food. BP oil spill (5 million gallons) was cleaned up in months but in Bodo Creek, 4 years after nothing has been done.
Moreover it seems there is a new spill now. This report says that between December 20th and 21st 2011, oil spewed from a ruptured fuel line connecting the Bonga platform to a waiting tanker. Before workers noticed the spill (how irresponsible), Shell said that up to 40,000 barrels (1.68 million gallons) had leaked, reportedly making it the worst offshore accident in Nigeria since 1988.
Can you calculate the crude oil waste and the ecological damage? Read more here and here. This is the video where Saraki threatens to use the Senate might to see that Shell cleans up. Yes he sounds very serious, I can see Shell quaking in their boots. Another wait and see?
                                                                                                                                                                                          
On to the dreams...

Wednesday:

I was an onlooker watching two fishermen vie for speed supremacy on the creek waters. A sort of creek rage (akin to road rage) led to one of them ramming into the other and damaging the boat’s body. Then entered some militant looking men, who wade across to the victorious boat and drag the boatman out. The gorge out his arm using a knife, scooped the oily black water and poured it into the bloody hole. Graphic much! Then I woke up.


Thursday:

I was in some camp (which looked exactly like my dormitory in secondary school) when we came under attack from Boko Haram (the terrorist group throwing bombs in Nigeria). They hadn’t entered the dorm yet. My mom was in the next room asking everyone to come together and pray our last prayers that our deaths will be quick. I told her that I refuse to give up my life so easily. My bff and I considered going across to ask an elderly man occupying the room across the courtyard to pretend we were his wives but I said it would be dangerous for my fair friend who didn’t look Hausa. Then we decided to take our fate into our hands and fight. All of a sudden machine guns materialized n our laps.

I woke up so pepped with energy cause in my dreams we were making mincemeat of the terrorists Rambo styleeee…lol. Alas it was all a dream.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Occupy Nigeria: we're not done yet

I followed the unfolding events of the fuel subsidy strike this past 10 days mostly on TV. I watched aghast as a protester was manhandled then shot in front of other protesters in broad daylight (RIP). I listened to pro subsidy debates on the government sponsored media NTA and I wondered if the debaters were aliens from some neighbouring WA country.
I saw my respected friends doctors, bankers, take off their suits, don Tee shirts and walk on the streets protesting our corrupt government, Nigerians became mathematicians again challenging GEJ’s fuel prices/subsidy calculations in a manner which would have impressed Chike Obi,  I saw courage which I thought had almost died, I heard young promising youth tell the nation that they were willing to die. I watched protesters cry, moan, pray, dance, laugh in unity for the first time in a long while. And it was beautiful.

Nigerians are finally waking up.

I was hopeful that we would get ‘satisfactory results’. Then NLC happened and the rug was swept from under our feet.

The Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress said they acted to save lives, after receiving information that the security forces had been ordered to use all means to end protests.
Really? They got a reduction to N97 per litre and a pat on the back and they sold the future of 160m Nigerians. I’m pained.
The unions also told journalists in Nigeria's capital Abuja that they applauded the government's recent promise to EXPLORE CORRUPTION in the country's oil sector. They described the six-day strike as "a success".
"We are sure that no government or institution will take Nigerians for granted again," said Abdulwaheed Omar, the NLC president.

Rightfully said but with all due respect Mr. Omar, you missed the point. ‘Explore corruption’ is the government’s polite euphemism for "Shut up retard" and you did….shut up I mean.
Occupy Nigeria is not just about the fuel hike as President Goodluck would like to believe. It is about lying thieving politicians blatantly stealing Nigeria blind.

Occupy Nigeria was not inspired by the rallying call of NLC but by young Nigerians who were fed up of same old, same old. Nigerians who would normally wait out a strike watching movies in the comfort of their homes. The NLC had the crème of workers and youth ON THE STREETS for the first time. Don’t the understand what power they had? How can they blow such an opportunity?!

But it’s not over.

Seeing Gbenga Sesan, Omohyele Sowore of Sahara reporters interviewed on Al Jazeera etc has shown me that in this social media age, where governments try to control news emerging from their Countries, media houses in search of truth now  seek for credibility from bloggers and activists. Our senators salaries, GEJ’s home maintenance budget would probably never have seen the light of day in our dailies if bloggers/twitter users hadn’t made it trend. That information was the tipping point for many who joined the protest. (And of course the new reality of sweating in a ride through Lagos traffic - Sorry @tilola - because car air conditioning is now a luxury).

In this year 2012, we owe it to ourselves and our children to make Nigeria the country we want it to be. Yes, our blogs are personal spaces themed on fun things like fashion, food, relationships etc. but I think it is high time we see our blogs to be much much more. For the sake of Nigeria, let us be more concerned about what goes on in our country. Let us not be scared of making our collective voices heard.

A shoutout to Adura Ojo of Naijalines for her rallying call to Nigerian bloggers during the protest. And to Prism who kept up with almost daily updates.
I applaud all those who stepped out of their blog comfort zones to blog about Nigeria and engage on other social media sites but most especially to those who walked the talk.
Protests may have been silenced for now but it is not over yet. I leave you with Fela Durotoye’s wordsThe dream of a New Nigeria as a most desirable society remains firm in our hearts. We are stronger than this. We will not be broken. We are the New Nigeria and we will not stop until we Deliver the Future.  

Protests: What was done well and what could have been done better?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest

“The arguments being advanced to justify the proposed full deregulation do not make sense. All the arguments have a ring of deja vu.
The so-called complete deregulation of the downstream sector and the removal of subsidy may seem like a purely economic policy decision, but it is so tied to larger Nigerian questions that it ought to be more rigorously debated, and government should make haste slowly.
The regime is corruption-ridden, it is badly managed. There is no indication that a complete deregulation regime will be better managed. The problem is not one of form, but leadership”.
These were the words of Reuben Abati (a former activist/writer turned Government apologist) in 2009 when a similar fuel subsidy removal was proposed.
Three years after, the same arguments are being repeated by Goodluck Jonathan’s government. 

According to The Economist  
“The president will be a brave man if he fulfills his promise to end cheap petrol”.
I disagree.
GEJ will be a brave man if he tackles
Rebuilding the 4 moribound refineries which has failed other governments,
Similarly improving power supply to the nation  
Investigating NNPC, its leakages, inflations and over-estimations
Passing a bill which makes corruption a criminal offence punishable by 14 years imprisonment
Cutting down the wages of government officials
Cutting down HIS personal and house maintenance budget.
And need I mention catching the fiends that go by the name Boko Haram who have made Nigeria a name now synonymous with terrorism.

 

Albert Einstein quotes “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Fuel subsidy is the solution of a lazy and inept government. It is the coward’s way out.
Do the needful, resolve these highlighted issues and come 2014 if your government seeks to ‘remove subsidy’ the people of Nigeria will support you. But not now.
A good friend of mine Wale quoted, “The amount of our collective resources you squander on a daily basis is more than sufficient to begin to rectify the problem and restore our faith in you. When we see you curb your gluttony and become more accountable, we will be more open to what sacrifice you are trying to extricate from us”.
P.S. It irks me to hear/see our politicians and reporters from the West tout the phrase ‘Nigeria’s cheap petrol’…I don’t know where they get that idea from. What is cheap about our petrol? Take a look at this graph and tell me how petrol is affordable to the common man?
Moreover, in none of these countries do citizens BUY THEIR OWN FUEL TO RUN GENERATORS WHICH IN TURN SUPPLY POWER TO RUN BUSINESSES, MACHINES IN FACTORIES, HOSPITALS, HOMES AND OFFICES!!!
Fuel is a constant in the budget of an average Nigerian and Nigerian business owner…and we are not talking of transport. Nigerians depend on refined fuel 100%. Fuel is a public utility.

P.P.S. I have seen the derisive sneer with which online activism is regarded by many in Nigeria. Pls dear blogger let that not deter you. Be counted. Let your voice be heard! 
The sin of silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." Abraham Lincoln

What You can do
 For a week starting from today, all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties are enjoined to:

1. Do a similar post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"
2. Add the pic/tabled diagram in this post
3. Publish your post today or latest by tomorrow
4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place in a prime position on your blog for seven days.
5. You can still play your part as a non-blogger: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media. 
6. Journalists, use your media space.
7. If you've done a post or published elsewhere online, please leave a link at Naijalines. Thanks.


Protest initiated by 9jaFoodie, Naijalines.
Picture from Azeenarh


Saturday, December 31, 2011

Reminiscing Christmas traditions


Hey BlogFam,
So Christmas day has come and gone but the season of jolly goodness is yet to expire...well 2 more days. All the long months of preparation, shopping, cooking, wrapping presents, work parties, Santa Claus visits for the kids, months of peace for the parents when the Santa Claus threat worked: (the ‘if you don’t behave Santa wont fill your stocking).

A couple of days before Xmas, I was visiting with my friend and her family. Amidst dinner preparations she squeezed in some Christmas baking. There was the mince pies which is quite easy to make. I’ve blogged about my love for mincepies before. She was also preparing ingredients for the traditional Xmas cake which she planned to bake overnight (8hrs). This included soaking the dried fruits - which make up 75% of the cake batter - in brandy at least 12hrs before use (she soaked hers for 12 minutes). She confessed that traditionally the Xmas cake is baked months before Xmas..infact sometimes a year before!! I called her modified recipe the 'time waits for no-one Xmas cake' recipe. 

She was also going to make Xmas puddings the next day, this was the traditional Xmas dessert. She said that the Christmas menu was a tradition handed down to her by her gran which she hoped to hand down to her daughters. The eldest daughter had been summarily summoned to the kitchen to help mix the batter :). 
                         The pudding is so rich in alcohol that it is usually ignited before serving.
Other food in the traditional Xmas menu are the roast turkey/geese eaten with vegatbles, brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, rich nutty stuffing, tiny sausages wrapped in bacon (pigs in a blanket) and hot gravy.

In the midst of the stories, she asks me what Christmas traditions we have in Nigeria. Hmmmm.

First off, I thought of the traditions we had in common which includes the activities that occur in the weeks before Xmas – the carol services (songs are sang in English and in local dialects, the exchange of cards, end of year work parties/xmas parties, nativity plays in schools, putting up of Xmas trees and decorations (while homes vie to have the best decorations  in the West, in Nigeria the competition is left to commercial offices).

Then I remembered those particular to us.
Shopping for new dresses and shoes. Most kids in Nigeria are guaranteed two new outfits at Christmas time. the one worn on Christmas and New Year days respectively. Many a Christmas eve I would be found late in the evening in the market with my big sister trying to find news that fit my too long feet. There was no leaving of that market for me till i get my shoe!!
Travelling: Christmas isnt complete without travelling in Nigeria. The people of the Eastern part of Nigeria - where I come from - have a long standing tradition of spending the Xmas holidays in their home towns. We are the most travelled Nigerian tribe (anecdotally it is said that if you get to any town in Nigeria and you don’t find an Igbo person there ..then you should flee cos that town is a ghost town). So for the Ibos, the Xmas holidays is the time when all the sons and daughters in diaspora come back home. To reunite with kith and kin and peers. To flaunt new tokens of success (cars, phones, newly built mansions, etc). It is also a sort of coming out period for the single men and ladies. You know I aint lying :).

Red Christmas - While my western friend dreams of a white Christmas, we have a cold, dusty red one. Red from the wind blowing up the clayey soil which is found in the Eastern parts of Nigeria. After the long travel  down to the village 3-9 hrs depending on what part of Nigeria you are coming from, vehicles usually have a thick layer of red dust. The passengers rarely escape this dust coating even if your windows were wound up during the drive. Somehow it just filters in. The green foliage also turn red cause of the dust. White outfits are only worn by the brave. Dusting the house? A twice daily affair. The cold dry air also ensures that lip balms and Vaseline intensive cream are constant companions during the Xmas Season. 

The Food: Rice is a staple food in Nigeria eaten in most homes at least every other day..yet there is something special about Xmas rice. Be it jollof or fried or rice and stew. It always magically tastes nicer.
There is also a lot of meat eaten during the festivities. Families may buy a cow or share it with another family, goats (sorry NGIP), chicken and more recently turkeys are present at tables. Well fried or stewed.
Drinks were in abundance. Fizzy Coca brands, Juice, Malt drinks Wine, Beer. As a kid, it was only during Xmas you had unlimited access to drinks from the fridge and freezer.

Church: Midnight mass is usually wonderful. Most times the actual mass is over around 11pm, but cause it isn’t midnight yet, the congregation chill in church singing hymns and choruses to welcome the baby Jesus at midnight.

Fireworks: Come 1st of December, people start buying their stash of fireworks for the Xmas. Proper firework displays while common in cities like Lagos, are still a rarity in the villages cos of safety issues, handling and the expense. What is commonly found is the banger which isnt exactly safer. A description of Salute shells in Wikipedia here fits what we call knockout : A shell intended to produce a loud report rather than a visual effect. 
My favourite was the sparklers. Anyway the bangers get their 2 minutes of fame from 10pm Xmas eve reaching a crescendo at midnight (Xmas day). Then dangerous part begins - the throwing. The thrower usually strikes the cylindrical shells against a matchbox and throws them as far as possible from him/herself but the naughtier revellers deliberately threw them at people’s feet. Or worse bodies. Their usual victims were those returning from Xmas midnight service. The air becomes rent with bangs, screaming girls and running feet. It was crazy, dangerous and ..... fun. I doubt that those who have burn scars will agree with me.

Entertainment: There are traditional marriages to attend, the launch of a new dance by particular women/men groups, Churches also hold their bazaar and harvest sales then too cause they are guaranteed to make money off their 'August visitors'. 
Up to a decade ago, Masquerades were also part and parcel of the Xmas celebrations. The masks were usually worn by a particular sect/family. Some masquerades danced for money, some just wanted to display their costume. Some (ie. Nwaulaga) flogs anybody who dares to stand in his presence. Fleeing from Nwaulaga was the bane of my childhood existence during the Xmas holidays. I got flogged twice :(

Little Terrors: The most interesting thing about Xmas day is that I rarely dined at home. Rather I'd dress up in my new fineries and together with my cousins, start a busy day of personal fundraising (gbaara m christmas) - the best part of Xmas!!
Its like this, on Xmas day, I dress up in my new finery and with my group of friends (usually cousins) we visit our Aunties, Uncles, Family friends, etc. At each house the Ma and Pa "Uh oh" over how much we’ve grown since they last saw us, ask after our parents and even give us some message to relay back to them (no cellphone dem days!). The ever ubiquitous rice is served, fizzy drinks, biscuits. The richer families also served chin-chin and cake. After eating, we thank them prettily and signal our intention to leave, at which the father/mother of the house hands out money to us kids. Over the years (7yrs-13yrs) we knew the homes who cooked the best rice, gave the best financial reward or who entertained least.
My mom was the chin-chin and cake type entertainer ..lol (not cause we were rich..she just felt it was less messy). She was also known for giving out brand new Naira notes to her little guests (notes deliberately obtained from the bank prior to travel).

In retrospect, we must have been little terrors, unrelenting in our gbaara m christmas quest, accosting our older single cousins at pubs, along the road until they gave in and dipped into their wallet. For the guys it was best to harass them when they had their friends with them. 
At the end of the day, heaving from exertion and too much food, my cousins and I will climb atop the roof of this uncompleted house in the compound to share our loot. Woot! Woot!

I remember that those days our parents rarely asked us where we were going to or when we'll be back - we were 8yr olds!! Curfews cease to exist in the village. I guess they were safe in the knowledge that we were surrounded by kith and kin. I'd come back home at 12 midnight and my dad doesn’t raise an eyebrow assuming I was at my cousins. Well, I was usually :p                                                                  

The Xmas eating, drinking and fundraising continues till the New year. By the 2nd of January, like magic the village empties as people return to the cities whence they came. By the 5th day, the villages become ghost towns again inhabited by the aged and retirees.

Christmas celebrations have changed in the last decade. The food and church service remain the same but visitations are greatly reduced with kids properly chaperoned (the spate of kidnappings in villages and an increased belief in juju/voodoo amongst Christian folk isnt helping matters). Many families don’t even travel home for Xmas any more becos of beliefs that something evil might befall them cos of scheming/jealous kith and kin. The masquerades are also a thing of the past as Christian societies deemed them demonic and urged for their ban. 
A shame really.  

My family still travels home for Xmas. Dad is a die-hard traditionalist who has never spent the Xmas holiday outside his hometown, to please him, we the kids have to keep making that effort to come home for Xmas. Nowadays I too, like my mom, fill my purse with mint naira notes to give out to my younger cousins :) 

In the end, be it roast turkey and pudding or Jollof rice or Tortellini in brodo (Italy), la reveillon (France), Hogmanay(Scotland) …the key ingredients of the Christmas celebrations around the world are Christ, love and sharing. I pray we never loose sight of that.

May Charity, Hope and Love make their home in your heart this New Year!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

In which I get a proposal

I got this love letter this morning:

To my darling Ginger,

You are the sugar in my tea, the baby wen dey make my heart beat pu pu pu. If I no fit tell you korokoro eye make I put am in writing you this letter.
I look you every day you walk through our yard. Na wa ooh my  tongue dey always hang out. So now that you know will you marry me? I will make a good husband and you the mother of our plenty children. I see you have the back for it.

Your handsome loving man(husband)

Chidioke  Bigman*

Ps
Always look back when I dey whistle to call you na

Toinlicious, what do you have to say?


#Update on Kat

The late Kat actually left a suicide note in which she bid adieu to her family and friends and all who have met and loved her. She tried to explain that she has always had this darkness engulfing her and had tried so hard to escape it but couldn’t and at this point was unable to fight it anymore. I guess this is depression with a capital D!
I will still reiterate this ‘May her soul now find the peace that eluded her on earth, Amen. And may we be better shepherds Amen. And if you can..try and think generous thoughts  about her.

Some of the contents of Michael Jackson’s home sold at an auction raked in over $1,000,000. Three times their original cost. Apart from inflation, I trust that his die fans will be willing to fork over their last savings to get their hands on his bits and pieces!
Wonder if this is to settle his debts or because the family are digging for gold.
Anyway, me I want his wig!!! I'm sure its Peruvian.

RIP Kim Jong IL
This hasn’t been a good year for sit-tight leaders (sadhappyface) But while I was expecting dancing in the streets .. like what happened when Abacha died, I saw a nation in deep mourning for Kim Jong.
Emotions so intensely expressed that it had me rotflol. Believe me I was almost ready to bet with a friend that these were professional mourners hired to make     the guy look good. You see I had bought into the Western media’s propaganda which told me the deceased was a tyrant and reviled by his people who were in bondage. Maybe he was but his people ‘adored’ him in spite of his excesses it seems or like someone commented “I think the people are genuinely in mourning. He is their religion”.
I think the face of the guy with a red scarf was photo-shopped
I think my second shocker was seeing such intense emotion on East Asian faces. Korea and neighbours China and Japan are known to have deadpan expressions. So it was just strange to see men and women dancing and throwing themselves on the ground ‘African stylee’. #StereotypeFail.
As for the successor to the North Korean throne, Jong-un, can he please lay off the doughnuts plss.

.

A group of unemployed local musicians in South Africa have joined forces to release a Christmas single, entitled ‘Yes we do,’ in response to the Bob Geldof inspired Band Aid song, ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’ Speaking at the launch of their song, the composer and singer Boomtown Gundane praised Geldof’s relentless quest for an answer and said they hoped their collaboration would free the Irishman and his friends to start looking for solutions to new and more important questions.

“Like, Do they know about climate change in America? Or did Kim Jong-il have time to write down the abort codes for the nukes before he died? (very important question I must say lol).
He said despite the poverty and hunger that had inspired Geldof and his friends to create the song back in 1984, Africans had developed their own ways to remember Christmas.

‘Just because we don’t have Boney M or Christmas advertising in September doesn’t mean we are oblivious to it,’ said Gundane. Proceeds will go towards teaching discipline, literacy and contraception at British schools. Touche Gundane!! LOL.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

RivieraHandbags Giveaway

Hey BlogFam,

Here’s me advertising a giveaway hosted by Riviera Hand bags named after the lovely English Riviera, the hometown of the maker.
They have a most delightful collection of bags. With categories like wild, passionately pink, evening, fun, everyday, office there is definitely a bag for everybody and any season

What do you have to do to get one? Well, if we all got a dollar for our tweets and retweets I’m sure we’ll be smiling to the bank J

So here’s your chance to let twitter work for you!

Follow Rivierahandbags on twitter here
Retweet their giveaway tweets to enter the draw.
The winner gets to select a bag of your own choice!!!! How cool is that?

Start following and tweeting nooow!!

Giveaway ends Dec 24th (look what Santa e-mailed me!)
Errr. Its restricted to UK residents. Sorry.

Like Rivierahandbags on Facebook here



Thursday, December 15, 2011

You were f**king perfect to me

I coerced my girlfriend to attend the Doctors' Xmas Ball yesterday. So I could tag along and maybe meet some cute doctors, who knows lol

Well, they were certainly respectable cute-looking young doctors. They also came with significant others hanging on their arms. What is it with Brits and marrying early? I swear some of them didn’t look like they had celebrated their 25th birthday and they had been married for 3 years.

Jat introduced me to her group and I got on brilliantly with the Zimbabwean chic by my side. Like the pea soup appetiser was so bland that simultaneously we looked up from the first sip and screamed ‘Argghh SALT!!!’. Then when the salt shaker was passed to us, it came with a single pin-sized hole. What’s that?? It would take forever to get a pinch out. So I pulled the bottom off and we salted to our heart’s content #teamAfrica.

The roast potato with gravy, steak and ham plus the cheesecake desert more than made up for the bland appetizer. Yum yum.

Then the DJ set up his gig and it was Dance! Dance!

I was itching to dance but the Docs on my table were just sitting and tapping fingers. What’s that??
So I took the hand of the male doc nearest to me. ‘hey I want to dance and I need a partner…lol. Not that my 6 inch heel let me do much damage to the dance floor but I tried. At a point Tat and I had to get together to do some afro-flavored boot-shaking…ok, not like I had the booty but you understand..

Finally at about 11.30pm I reminded Jat she had a husband and kids..lol. 
As we waited for Tat to get her coat so we could all leave together, (Jat had volunteered to take her home), one of J’s colleague/friend, a petite brunette, Kat came over to chat. She had this little black dress on with a tutu-like ruffles at the hem. I told her her dress was pretty. She teased Jat about her bootylicious behind. Jat did some booty gyrations specially for her with Kat and I giggling and asking her to donate some to the less privileged.
As we said goodbye Jat warned her to take it easy with the alcohol so she won’t be hungover at work the next day. She laughed and said she’ll try.

It was a great outing and subsequently I have been in a good mood most of today. All that dancing and exercising and socializing really does good to the heart.

But I am sad now.

Jat came back from work a couple of hours ago looking most harassed.
She said ‘Guess what?
Kat is dead.
What!!! How??!!

It appears Nat, Kat’s friend had told Jat earlier that Kat has been AWOL all day. Not picking her phone too. None of their mutual friends had also heard from her.
So Nat decides that after their seminar that she’ll call the porter to check Kat’s room or something. Just in case.

They went to her room in the doctors quarters. The porter unlocked the door with the spare key and pushed open the door but found it difficult cause -  there was a hanging body leaning against it.

Kat.

And the friend went into hysterics. They said Kat was still in the short black gown. And her body quite stiff, so she must have been dead for a long time.

Nobody knows why she decided to escape her life.

They say she had had a recent breakup with her boyfriend. Who had left her for her friend. (What is it with guys????). She hadn’t been coping well with the breakup coupled with a family history of depression. But she had also been looking forward to spending some time with her mom and jnr sister during the Xmas break.

I wonder if all the lovey dovey xmasy couples in the house yesterday could have tripped her off? Or maybe a combo of alcohol and anti-depressive drugs. Or the stress of being a young doctor. Or a combination of the above or something else entirely.
It’s heartbreaking.
This is the nearest I have come to suicide and it’s scary that someone laughing and dancing 12 hrs ago could think she wasn’t loved enough.

Jat wonders about the mom….who must have been preparing for a family reunion at Xmas but will now be planning a funeral.
Plus the guilt. ‘Was it something I said/did?’. ‘Maybe if I had called her last night, this morning, maybe maybe I could have talked her out of it etc etc.

So many fragile souls out there; dear God bless them and make them strong in the face of challenges. Help us too to be better shepherds. Amen.

RIP Kat
p.s. Post title was borrowed from Pink's track of same name. Do pardon my French.

Monday, December 12, 2011

This is Oyiboland - Where 70 is the new 40

Ginger: Hi Doc. How was your day today?
Doctor Z: Busy and funny too. The youngest patient i saw came to complain about her Mom who lives with her. She said her Mom was driving her bonkers.
The joke - She is 72. Her mom is 94.

If you go to the bus station at off peak periods (between 10am-1pm), the white brigade as I fondly call them make up the majority of passengers. The men in their black or brown coats; the ladies well powdered in their sweaters, pleated skirts and Clark shoes. The women remind me so much of my mom. Now I understand some of her 'odd' habits which seemed so out of place while growing up: Mom was a sweater and pleated skirt, hair in curlers, lipstick, tea and biscuits-in-all-weathers type. I guess those were habits picked when she was in the UK that never wore off.
I always have a big smile when I meet the White Brigade. They are usually a very friendly lot....you are not careful and a talkative gets you in his/her clutches, you might find it hard to extricate yourself.  But more than that..they make aging something to look forward to. They have lived 70+years on earth. You want to sit at their feet and hear their adventures.
 I am also filled with admiration sometimes. When I see that old man struggling to take that next step with his walker. I smile at the effort he makes to stay alive. I smile at the government, the society that allows them to age gracefully. S/he has his pensioner bus tickets that allows him ride free, S/he has disabled parking if needed. S/he has homes with basic amenities that are helpful as bones get stiffer (running taps, showers, microwaves, waist length gas cookers, washing machines). And when s/he is tired she can move on to a home (subsidised by the govt or paid for in full). Care work is a popular job among immigrants but it also represents the importance the society places on making them live as independently and gracefully as possible.

The Nigerian consensus has always been that Western society do not take care of their old like we do etc etc. Surely we have all heard the horrible stories of aged men/women who were dead for over 4 days in their apartment before their frozen bodies were discovered or of parents in Care homes who never get visited by their kids. And we would say, 'that could never happen in Nigeria'. 'Neighbours would have checked in on her, infact there's no way s/he would have been on her own cos one of the kids would have taken her into her home' etc etc.
But I wished to look at this from a different angle. As much as i admire our sense of community in Nigeria, I've also come to appreciate the independence I see among the elderly here, and wonder at some of the things we take for granted back home...that our mothers will drop their personal schedules to come babysit, wash and cook for 'OUR' families even in cold wintry UK/US.

Don't we have parents who want to spend their old age enjoying the new phase of their life/marriage after raising 7 kids? Maybe they want to travel together, start a new hobby, join a social club etc. Knotchocolates even blogged about 'over 60s getting it on' and if you've ever visited Blog mom's page, you'd know age is nothing but a number but in Nigeria we tend to think our parents - esp moms, become asexual by 60.
While the majority don't mind becoming occupational grannys i am writing for the sake of those who prefer to see their kids and family thrice in a year not 345 days a year. i think we kids should try and be a bit more understanding and stop laying the guilt or worse...refuse to care for them (money matters) cause she is not fulfilling her 'grandma' quota.
Babysitting sadly is the least of the problems the aged face. Some are abandoned by their kids. forgotten, mistreated, labelled witches/wizards, left to beg for food. For some their kids thither over paying for their healthcare and/or necessary surgeries and are left to die alone.
And how about the absence of running water, electricity, kerosene stoves which make it nigh impossible for an aged person to be independent. Really sad.

Have you had to deal with elderly parents, relatives or friends. What thoughts about aging did it inspire in you?

p.s. My maternal grandma spent the last 20 yrs (75-95)of her life with us. She and her only kid my mom had their ups and downs but it was mostly peaceful co-habiting. On the other hand, in retrospect I think we her grandkids tolerated her mostly..and found her amusing at best.
p.p.s. Maybe I find it easy to wag my finger cos I am not expecting babysitting duties from my mom. In her hay days her 'omugwo' visits to my siblings never lasted for more than 10 days cause she was working. Now she is definitely too old for that kinda stress. Yeah I know I am on my own #notscared.

omugwo - is a tradition amongst Eastern Nigerians wherein the maternal grandma comes to help her daughter care for the newborn grandchild. Her visit has precedence cause mothers are expected  to be more helpful to their daughters than a mother-in-law.
In Western Nigeria, the paternal grandma's visit has more precedence since the child belongs to the family.
Visits can be as short as a week or as long as 6months :(


p.p.s Shoutout to my new followers. I can't believe I've finally passed the 100 followers mark (dances a jig!)
Also thank you for all the comments in the last post. That post was a bit personal though i didnt let on :). Well, lets see....

Friday, December 2, 2011

Mixed Blessings

Is Marriage for White People?  That's the title of a book written by a Stanford law professor  Ralph Richard Banks (an African American married to an African American - I like how he puts that out before the haters start questioning his right to make such a proclamation). Alas I am yet to read the book but from the reviews I have read here, here and here it was all heart, backed by personal narratives and data. 

His question is 'In an economy where women are thriving and desirable black men are scarce, why do black women stay loyal to black men to their detriment?'
These include:
  • large numbers of professional black women being rotated by the 'few' college educated black men who gets to pick and choose who he wants to be with and even then he still has multiple sex partners
  • almost half of all black women have had an abortion, over twice the rate for white women; 
  • 2 black women graduate from college every year for every black male that graduates; 
  • black men out-marry (i.e., marry interracially) at over twice the rate of black women; 
  • there are two million more black women in America than black men; 
  • higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases when compared against other groups of women due to the high incidence of `man-sharing' that occurs among black women; 

And his solution well, suggestion is 'Black women should liberate themselves from the shackles of race and date outside the pool'.
I wholeheartedly agree with him though I wonder why we need a Stanford law professor to tell us that? What is it about marrying outside our races, tribes that scares black women? 
This isn't the first time I have read or listened to people write/talk about the dearth of eligible black men for black women in America and I used to wonder.. 'but there are other men?!!..Chinese, Indian, Africans, you haven't exhausted your options yet.

I have reframed this problem in our society. Kindly substitute Black women for Ibo, Yoruba and Hausa women and think about the Nigerian environment. Yes, that tribe thing. Maybe its not as pervasive as before but I do know I have single girlfriends who swear that they can never marry a non-igbo/non-Yoruba etc etc. 
Interestingly I think this outlook is more common to Ibo women than other tribes yet we are the ones who have a man-scarcity. College educated Ibo men are a minority compared to the majority who are secondary school leavers (though thriving businessmen). From what I have  observed/personal experiences, the Ibo men who are good income earning graduates tend to feel like they are 'something special'. Correct me if I am wrong. 
I used to think like 'Warrahell? Who said I can't fish across the River Niger' msheew.

So lets reason together, what are the fears of marrying outside our comfort zone be it - Race/Language/Geographical zone?

Off hand I can think of these few points: 

Culture. Someone from another race/tribe won't understand the basic parts of black/Igbo/Yoruba/Benin/Tiv life and culture. It may seem trivial at first especially if the dating/married mixed couple are living in a cosmopolitan city. then bang, one day you travel home with your hubby and like a chameleon he suddenly expects you to kneel down and serve him food and you wonder but 'he wasn't like that before'!

Different standards of beauty: For the inter-racial couple, she may feel like you are competing on a different standard of beauty. He is used to blondes/redheads/brunnetes with blue/green/hazel/gray eyes and long wavy hair, now he has you brown chocolate from your eyes, nipples to your happily nappy hair  which has not seen the sunlight in oinks because of permanent extensions). Same for the woman who has to exchange her ideal of Denzel W for a Ryan Reynolds.
(On a lighter note, I am yet to be toasted(chatted up) by a Briton. Infact it has become a mission for me. Silly I know, but I need affirmation that my beauty is universally accepted. lol).  

Food: She'd have to widen her cooking skills to accommodate what is cultural for the other person. Igbo girl learning to make ewedu/amala. Yoruba girl learning to make oha soup. Nigerian girl learning to make lamb casserole for her British hubby etc (Lucidlilith gives me great comfort that all food is acceptable so long as its cooked right).

Skin color. Yeah that is the simplest to overcome yet the most conspicuous reminder of the boundaries you have bridged in an inter-racial relationship. Even though love has blinded you the world wont let you forget as easily...i think and they may not be polite about it.

Religion: A change of religion maybe part of the bargain. Christian marrying Muslim, Muslim marrying Hindu, Vampire marrying Human (lolsssssss) etc. Blog mom Linda has blogged about her daughter who is married to an Iranian.  She (daughter) even converted to Islam; and she can speak Farsi (Iran's official language) and Arabic too. While stories like hers make me marvel at the power of love, on the other hand, it scares me shitless. 
Can I love a man that much to give up that much? Come on, I am already giving up my father's name, now I have to cleave to a new culture, language, food, religion.
What is husband giving up for me? (Maybe now I can understand why Edward was so reluctant to grant Bella her wish!)

So that's my first question....Is my fear above valid? If you are involved in a mixed marriage/relationship I'd like to know if such thoughts have crossed your minds and how you combated or resolved it.

Two..for my single and formally single readers, have you ever considered mixed relationships?

p.s. My elder sister said mixed marriages should only be considered if the man is from royal/rich family, hear! hear! Her logic is that people with money/status do not follow culture as strictly as those without so less burden for the wife. I don't know how true that is.....lol

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